Thursday, August 10, 2006

Thursday afternoon

So I got an email and then a phone call today, and, while the two were not connected to each other, the combination nevertheless sent me into tears and deep "life contemplation" mode. And I am currently trying to compose a blog post about it, but it may just end up in my journal rather than on the internet, depending on how personal it gets. (I really like DYM's lingerie analogy about how much to share on a blog.) (Especially the part where she invokes the power of Greyskull.) (But I digress.)

And at the risk of posting something that could be read as really dramatic and cause my friends to overreact and call me in a panic to make sure I am not DYING (oh no, wait, that's what I did to Josh ;) ), I have a good friend, who has been an emotional outlet and strength and a "wow it's been a while since I had a friend that close and it's really nice" to me, that I feel like I need to stop depending on so much. No, that's not quite right. It's that I feel like it needs to be that we are not so close, and that we don't get closer. I've felt that since the last part of my time in France, and it makes me sad, and it hurts a bit. And the other night I had another friend over for dinner, and while talking about HER life, and about a friend that I had several years ago, I suddenly had the thought that now comforts me about this other friend. It was one of those "you realize something is true and right AS you hear it being said...by you" moments. So here it is. Get ready, it's profound. :)
Just because you are not as close to someone now as you once were doesn't cancel out all the good that they did for you.
And it sounds so simple, and it is, but thinking about the hole that this friend will leave that will somehow need to be filled in other ways and by other people, it is very comforting to me right now. People change us, friendships change us, but sometimes we only need them for a while, and then we can hold on to the lessons that we learned through and with and because of them, and let the person go so that we, and they, can grow and move on. Not that we were holding them back, per se, but just that the time is not "now" anymore. And the value is in what we learned, and what we took, and what we gave, and how it changed us.

And now this does sound really dramatic, and no, no one died, and I am fine, but I have just been thinking a lot, and, as one of my friends in France said, "Don't reflect on things too much. Reflecting too much creates distances between people." But in this case, I think it is ok.

3 comments:

Janell said...

Pass me another glass of deep thoughts, Margaret =)

You've stated that life's little condundrum of the transition of friendships quite nicely. Something to blog about myself sometime once the thinking dust settles a bit.

NoSurfGirl said...

I had a few freinds like that, when I went through a very difficult period of my life. And when I got stable enough to realize that I needed to not depend on them so much, and that I needed to withdraw a bit and find myself again, it was really hard to do so. There's something wonderful about having someone take care of you,someone insightful and caring, and who has been there at vulnerable moments.

It's hard. But in a way, when I found myself again, I felt a little freer, too.

I'm sorry you're having to go thru a weaning experience like that. Never fun. There's light on the other side.

Danielle said...

Margaret,

This is twice (in a row) that your blog has said something that has been "just what I needed to hear."

So, I have been thinking A LOT lately about a certain person - an old friend with whom I haven't talked to in quite some time. And I have been feeling a thick, heavy cloud of guilt recently over the fact that suddenly I don't feel this constant need to "hold on" to her so much anymore; that I am progressing and much of that progressing has not included her. And because I care for her, and love her, and still consider her my close, dear friend, it hurts to think that I may have "left her behind." Then, I have also been feeling this overwhelming sense of seperation anxiety with regards to another friend. And I have been reflecting, quite a bit, about what it is about this friend that I love so much and thusly makes me afraid of not having them around, right here and now all the time every day....
WHEW!
Then, I read that paragraph in your blog that states "Just because they aren't as close doesn't change what they did for you" (okay, so I paraphrased) and then I read that line about "reflecting too much creates distances between friends."

And, so, what I'm trying to say in despite my incessant, muddled ramblings is that, I am so very glad that you are my friend. And even though we're single, want to get married, be moms, and et. al., when we think about the friends we have... Well, at least for me, I realize that maybe I'm not really as alone as I feel. So, I don't have a husband YET, and my familia is gone...but I do have good friends who remind me that I'm a Daughter of God, and then I realize that I'm blessed. I'm not alone. He is mindful of me. And, Margaret, He is mindful of you. He loves you so much. How could He not. Just look at what an incredible, lovely, devoted, and exemplary Daughter of God you are!