Priorities

After dinner in the dorm cafeteria tonight I went to the commons room in my dorm and while I was reading your blog (yes, YOURS), the ice cream bar that I stole from the cafeteria totally melted.

So I stood over the trash can and slurped it out of its package.

Yes, I totally did.

So there ARE some fun things...

For example, today we had to write sentences using the new vocab for ch 12, and I wrote the following. The bold words are the new vocab.

My day off was great! I missed class, and I didn't learn about the death of my teacher. I was appointed to speak at her funeral.

My teacher even laughed when she read it, and that was kind of a triumph for me. :)

Also, one of the students in my class is still in high school (!!), and she's considering going to college in Scotland, and we had this big (tangential) discussion today about how people in many (most?) other countries don't take great care of their teeth, and she was kind of disgusted. Then later we were answering conversation-type questions, and another student said, in answer to one of the questions, that he ended a relationship once because the girl had Scottish teeth. :) hee hee :)

So it's not ALL totally heinous and painful. :)

My rules for the next ten days

1. Don't panic. You ARE capable of learning this stuff, and you know your mind shuts off when you panic.

2. FOCUS. On Arabic.

And that is all.

WAY more panic today, people!!

So we have two weeks left of this Arabic program, and I alternate between the following:

1) 12 days and 10 hrs until I'm with my nieces and nephews - WAHOOOOOO!!!

and

2) Oh. My. GOSH. I am going to fail in life and die. In five minutes.

See, 2 weeks in this program is HALF A SEMESTER of Arabic left to go. That's a LOT of material. And I STILL don't have a very good grasp on the material from the last two weeks, so I have LOTS of catch up and LOTS of keeping up to do.

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So...

...apparently the prayers of the internets are not effective :P ;) because my sister and her husband have decided to send their kids to public school.

HOWEVER!!!!

They bought a plane ticket - for ME! - from their town to our parents' town!! So this means that I get to drive across two states with them and their kids and then fly back across those 2 states. And lest you think this would NOT be a fun way to spend YOUR vacation, allow me to remind you that this means that instead of two days with them, I now get THREE AND A HALF!!! WOOOHOOOO!! :)

Arabic, on the other hand, is SERIOUSLY giving me the people's elbow to the face these days. I am WAY behind, and sentences that are supposed to mean something to me...don't. I'm tempted to just "survive" for the next 11.5 days of class...until I remember that that equates to more than half a semester, so I really just need to kick it into gear and catch up and keep up. Wish me luck!

Studying vocab

So I think I've mentioned that I have a lot of vocab to memorize. I haven't? Well, internets, guess what?

I HAVE A LOT OF VOCAB TO MEMORIZE.

It's a frightening amount, and I struggle to get it for every chapter. I have tried different things to help me to remember the sound and the spelling of each word, and since it's always a struggle, I have felt like those things weren't necessarily helping.

Well.

The chapter that we're currently in? I'm TOTALLY not getting the vocab down, and I realized that it's because I changed my studying a little bit. I didn't do for this chapter a technique that I have done with previous chapters, and I can tell that my grasp of this vocab is weaker because of it. So I'll do it today and hopefully I'll know the vocab in time for the test on Friday AND so that I can USE it in conversation, which really is the point of vocab anyway, eh? :)

It just reminded me that sometimes in life we don't realize how important the "little things" really are, and we don't always know how much they are helping, BUT THEY ARE. That one vocab study technique? I wasn't sure it was helping until I didn't use it for one chapter, and THEN I realized how much it helped. It makes me wonder what the "little things" are that I am doing now that are keeping me sane (or as sane as I am ;) ), and I want to make sure I don't neglect any of them. They ARE helping. :)

The stars have aligned...

...and my fingernails are ALL the same nice length AT THE SAME TIME.

I know, it's like a little miracle.

Aren't you glad you came to read my blog today?! :)

So I've come up with two analogies to explain the almost scary cheerfulness that I've been feeling since Monday morning, despite the bad news. Are you ready? Here they are:

#1 - Emotional foreclosure. :) Too much to handle, so we reset the counters.

#2 - Computer freaking out - let's reboot.

Or maybe, really, I just needed to cry and let out some of what I've been bottling up for the last 6 or 7 weeks.

Either way, I'm feeling much better, and I think I'm going to survive. :) Only 13 more days of Arabic class! :)

And on another happy note, my roommate for next year and I turned in an application for a really cute duplex!! YAY! :) I may even get to move my stuff in before I head west for family time! :)

And I talked to my sister again today, and it turns out that since Sunday they have revisited the question of continuing to home school their kids rather than send them to public school, and if they go the home school route the first day of school in the school district won't matter and they'll be at the reunions longer! I know they need to do what's best for their kids, but would it be too much to ask for the entire internet to pray that they'll decide to home school, so I can spend more time with those kids next month?? That's a valid reason to make important decisions about your kids' education and future, isn't it?? ;)

The proverbial straw

Through all the stress of this summer - the Arabic program, the personal stresses, the housing stresses, and let me again mention the Arabic program - there have been 2 things that have been keeping me going through this Arabic struggle. One of them was the family reunions at the end of the summer - one-and-a-half or two weeks with ALL my nieces and nephews. I have been holding on to that as if it would save my sanity these past weeks, and it has.

And last night I found out that one sister and her four kids will only overlap with me at the reunions for TWO DAYS. They just found out the day that school starts in their new school district, and because of that and the end date of my Arabic program, we'll only be together for two days.

TWO DAYS.

I am heartbroken.

I sat in my car last night and sobbed and sobbed and beat my steering wheel and yelled in frustration and sorrow and anger - about this HUGE disappointment, on top of everything else I have been dealing with this summer...it's just too much...and so I think that that bit of news was more than my already-beaten-down little psyche could handle - nothing else will register, and this morning I went to class more cheerful than I have been in days. I can't handle the thought of that small amount of time with them when I was looking forward - for eight months!!! - to so much more time together, so I think I am suppressing the pain and disappointment to the point that it doesn't exist or can't hurt me anymore.

Except when I think about it for more than 2 seconds. Then the tears start again.

I know life isn't supposed to be fair, but after eight months of looking forward to time with them - only TWO DAYS?! Puh-LEASE!!

It's a good thing I'll be with my other two adorable nieces and my other two fabulous sisters and my wonderful parents for longer than that - missing ALL of them would kill me for sure. I just wanted us all to be together for a while...

So Life, if you have any more disappointments or pain in store for me, could you hold off, please? Even just for a couple of months? I'm pretty much operating at capacity right now.

Getting settled in, maybe? :)

So the past few days of this Arabic program I feel like my life has settled into a pattern, and that's a nice feeling. I usually get up early and study, shower quick, grab a quick breakfast of 2 bowls of cereal with fruit and 2 glasses of orange juice :), and go to class. I study vocab on the way to lunch, eat lunch, study vocab on the way back to class. After class I usually walk some - on the bike path or just around - and sometimes call a family member to chat. Then I study / read / nap, then dinner, then studying, then bed. I've been sleeping consistently about 5-6 hrs, which is not a ton, but I'm surviving, and it IS a consistent amount of sleep each night, which I hear is good for you. And I've been consistently reading my scriptures, and spending some good time pondering and writing in my scripture journal and my regular journal, which I also hear is good for you. :)

I have had quite a few days of class recently during which I _didn't_ want to die, so that's been a nice change. :) I'm getting into the habit more of studying and learning and struggling through. Today on the way to class I was panicking a little because this is day 2 on chapter 6, and I STILL didn't have all the ch 6 vocab mastered, and I knew we'd have to actively USE it in class. And I was thinking how frustrating it is that it takes me 3-4 days to be comfortable with each new set of vocab, and yet we only spend about 2.5 days on each chapter, so I'm not comfortable with it by the time we move on to the next set. But then I had a thought that stopped me in my tracks - I DO get comfortable with each set of vocab. !!! :) :) So even if it takes me 3-4 days, it DOES happen, and so these new words ARE and WILL slowly work their way into my vocabulary. I was relieved when I realized that - I've been beating myself up that I can't absorb and assimilate this vocab as quickly as we move through it, but I DO get it eventually, and that was a very satisfying feeling. :)

I also had an AWESOME moment in class today when _I_ was right and the punk kid who is REALLY smart and always seems to be WAY ahead of the rest of us was NOT right, and he complimented me - TWICE! - on figuring out this new concept. :) That was a good feeling, and it's nice to feel like even if there ARE things that I don't catch on to as fast as him, and even if my vocabulary isn't as good as his, and even if he doesn't have to look words up to remember the short vowels, and even if he did memorize the ENTIRE chart of plurals...I am NOT an idiot, and I feel like I proved that a little bit today, to him and to me. :)

Today was a good day. :)

That's pretty much all I have to say, but it's true. :)

I spent all afternoon and most of the evening with some dear friends, and got to vent my stress and discuss solutions and get good counsel.

And I talked to my mom and dad, and was reminded again of why I love them and of how excited I am to see them in just...TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS!! :) :)

Time flies when you're...drowning in Arabic??

So a quick update. Or not so quick - "wait 'til I get going!" (Name that movie to further solidify our friendship...)

Housing: My apartment has been sublet. WOOHOOOOOO!!! That saves me $1200. :) :) Well, $1198, plus utilities. :) I'm very relieved to have that taken care of. This does mean, however, that since I no longer have another home, I officially live in the dorms, for the first time since 1995. :) And I officially park my car at the institute building. :) And I officially have one check left, until I unpack my boxes at the beginning of September and find my next book of checks. So if I tell you "the check is in the mail," it just ain't true.

Arabic...yeah, about that. It's still stressful, I'm still not where I would like to be with it, but it's LOTS better than it was last time I posted, so that's nice. :) And the attitude adjustment that I SERIOUSLY needed? I got it. :) A small part of it had to do with remembering that I ALWAYS take a while to get adjusted to new situations. So I was not adjusted to this intensive Arabic thing, and was feeling bad that I wasn't just loving every second of it. I'm still not loving every second of it, but now I'm feeling more like I will, eventually. :) Of course, the quickest I've ever adjusted to a new living situation was about 2 months...and this is a two-month program. :) So hopefully I'm adjusted and happy before it's over. ;) But I got an 87% on my last test, and I thought I'd done much worse than that, so things aren't looking too bad right now. :)

And people - it's week 4!!! That means that by the end of this week, we'll have done an entire semester of Arabic - CRAZY!!!! It also means I'm almost half done with this program. I know it's just Monday of week 4, but for some reason the weekends are slow and the weeks just FLY, so I feel like it'll be Friday before I know it.

And I went to an AWESOME fireside last night! I was reminded of how much I have to learn, to do, and to BECOME in order to be like my Heavenly Father. (But not in a panicked, stressing out, way, right, E? ;) ) So I'm more motivated than I've been in a while to really WORK at being who He wants me to be. It's a good feeling. :)

AAAAHHHH!!! and also - UGH. and also - ARGGGGHHH!!!

So I feel like all my one-liner posts lately have been just little teasers and not actual news, and this one will be no exception. Except that maybe it will, because now that I'm sitting down to write ANYTHING, writing seems like a good idea. So we'll see how this goes. Wow, that was quite a disclaimer.

So the real point of this post is the subject line. I just needed to let that out. Things are really stressful for me right now for a number of reasons, and I need an outlet RIGHT NOW, and you are it, you lucky internets, you. So here are the issues:

1) I'm in an intensive Arabic immersion program right now. We just finished week 2, and since we're doing 2 semesters in 8 weeks, we just did the equivalent of half a semester's work in the last 2 weeks. It's a little depressing how much Arabic I CAN'T speak. And how much English I'm not SUPPOSED to be speaking, but am anyway. Eep.

There is LOTS more to say about that, but two colleagues and I are doing a research project related to our experiences in our 3 different intensive language programs this summer, so I really should be writing about the Arabic stuff on that private research blog instead of here. So you get nothin'. Sorry. Um, except that I think that the Arabic program relates in one way or another to each of my other points. So, um, read on. Or not. whatever. :)

2) I am AGAIN in a situation of needing someone to sublet my apartment. I say "again" because I was in this situation last summer, and it was sticky and uncomfortable and expensive and took some tolls on my mental health and my relationship with one set of roommates. This summer I need to sublet because the Arabic program, being an immersion program, requires me to live in the dorms. So I'm living in the dorms (oh joy oh rapture) and my apartment is sitting empty. Well, with all my stuff in it. I have been looking for someone to sublet, and there have been probably 6 or 7 options, some of which were people related to or connected to members of the Church that I know, and some of them would have wanted to use my furniture and dishes, which would have been fine with me, mostly because then I wouldn't have to move or store my furniture right now, so I didn't actually pack up my apartment, which was NOT smart. I didn't post it on Craig's List because of the possible options that were turning up in other ways, but now there is no one in it, and July's rent is due next week. Awesome. There are still 2 options of people to move in, but the first has been slow on the paperwork, and now the manager of the complex is out of town, and if she refuses to rent to them, you know, once she gets back in town at some undetermined point next week, then my OTHER option will have already had to have found another place to live, since their current contract ends next Tuesday. Again, awesome.

And all of this is really weird deja vu back to last summer - I had 2 options lined up, the first fell through, but by the time she fell through, the other had found another option, so I had no one. And it ended up costing me about $1500. Sigh. And yet I'm doing the same thing again. Why?!?!

But it's less of an issue this summer, even tho I'm still feeling really stressed right now about it, because it doesn't involve negative feelings with roommates, so that is really nice. The main problem now is that I have no time to go pack up the apartment because, whadda ya know!, this "intensive" Arabic program, really is INTENSE! So free time? not so much of it these days.

3) There is some, um, personal stuff going on, which, since it's personal, I won't be discussing here, but suffice it to say, it's stressing me out. And one reason for needing an outlet RIGHT NOW was related to it. All of which sounds really mysterious and probably a titch crazy, but hey, whatever, I'm a titch crazy.

And after all that, here's the good stuff, because there IS good stuff! :)

1) I have a couple of family reunions coming up at the end of the summer, and I am REALLY excited about that!!! I talked to one of my cousins the other day about one reunion, and I am SO excited to be around all those great people!! :) :) And to be RELATED to all those great people! :)

2) Two classmates and I had a proposal accepted to present at a conference this fall, based on research we did last semester! AWESOME!!!! :) :) I'm a scholar! hee hee hee!

3) I don't think I ever posted here that I got a REALLY awesome funding package for next year, which will allow me to NOT be a TA of any sort - I just get to take classes, and they'll pay me! AND they'll pay my tuition! :) :) It also means that the decision about which TAship to take for next year was a moot point. I won't say that it was unnecessary, because it did get me focused in some good ways, but in the end, my concern about offending one prof by NOT accepting that TAship...didn't matter; I ended up taking neither. :)

4) My family loves me. :)
4a) My fabulous aunt called me from France the other day!! She has a study abroad group there again, and I'm SO flattered that she'd call me to get my input!! Of course, I missed her call due to my Arabic program, but still!! and it made me super excited to hang out with her at the reunion in August!!
4b) I talked to my dad over the weekend, and then he sent me an email the other day, expressing his love and confidence in me, and it really meant a lot to me. And I get to see him at the end of the summer, too. :) :)
4c) My sister emailed me the other day, and the subject line of her email was, "How do you say, 'I miss you' in Arabic?" and I REALLY needed to hear from someone close to me that day, and her email was perfect. :) And then later when I called her house and talked briefly to her husband in an attempt to track down my dad, she called back a minute later and said, among other things, "What's this?! I send you an email saying how much I miss you and then you call and don't even talk to me? How do you say, 'you suck' in Arabic??" And that made me laugh, and then it made me cry, because I love her and she loves me, and then I babbled about how stressed I am, and that didn't make it all better, but it helped. Love helps. :)

5) I run!!! And by that I mean that I dragged my sorry tush out of bed before 7am yesterday AND today to go running - BY MYSELF. GO ME!! And if two days doesn't seem like a big accomplishment to you, that's because you don't know that MY RUNNING PARTNER LEFT TOWN early Thursday morning!!! Do you even REALIZE the significance of this information?! That means that EVEN THOUGH I would not be standing someone up if I didn't get up and go running, I STILL WENT RUNNING!!! I KNOW! It's HUGE!!

Let me put this in perspective so you can actually appreciate what a big accomplishment this is. We are talking about a girl who has a REALLY hard time getting out of bed without a firm early morning commitment that involves other people. For example, back in the day when Jer and Brooke lived in Springville, and I lived in Provo, the only reason I got to work at a reasonable hour was because they picked me up on the way to campus. Picked me up and drove me across the street to where Jer and I worked. Across the street. Literally. It would have taken me almost the same amount of time to walk to work as it took for them to drive me, but if I had walked I would have gotten there at 11am. Maybe. When they picked me up - 8am every day.

So please, celebrate the running with me. :)

Um, ok, I think I'm done. Yeah, this was a little more than a one-liner, and it felt good. I might be back. :)

Comment from 20-yr-old friend A after I mentioned that I did the study abroad in Jerusalem in 1996

"You've been intelligent so much longer than I have. I was still coloring outside the lines [in 1996]."

Any week during which I wear a baseball cap over greasy hair TWICE is not a great week.

I'm just sayin'.

Line from a good guy friend after an hour-long conversation about his dating life

"I've dumped a lot of girls, but the best ones have dumped me."

Wow.

And also - heehee!

And also - ouch.

Today I...

...went to 3 museums (this one, this one, and this one)
...wore my new capris, and they rock!
...ate at this restaurant that was new to me, and this familiar favorite
...soaked my feet in a fountain near the National Mall
...ate a frozen lemonade while soaking my feet in said fountain
...walked and talked all day with a good friend
...had lunch and a great conversation with 2 good friends
...went to institute and saw a million friends and they were happy to see me and one said, "Welcome home!" and one said, "You belong here!"

It was a good day. :)

In which I get political (ok, not really, but weren't you excited about it, just for a second?!)

Maybe the problem with our government is that they spoil all the fun...



and make no sense.

I visited some old friends today...

I was in the neighborhood, so I stopped by to see George...


...Abe...

...and Jeff.

It was nice to see them again. (Hi, guys! :) )

That poor digitized feline...

I'm editing video today, so I'm down in the lab where they do that sort of thing, and the other guy in here working today is hilarious, and he was putting another DV tape in the deck, and it makes a HORRIBLE sound as the tape goes in, and when the horrendous noise started he went:

"Oh yeah! W W W dot catintheblender dot com!"

And it totally cracked me up. :)

For Carolina