Monday, July 20, 2009

The proverbial straw

Through all the stress of this summer - the Arabic program, the personal stresses, the housing stresses, and let me again mention the Arabic program - there have been 2 things that have been keeping me going through this Arabic struggle. One of them was the family reunions at the end of the summer - one-and-a-half or two weeks with ALL my nieces and nephews. I have been holding on to that as if it would save my sanity these past weeks, and it has.

And last night I found out that one sister and her four kids will only overlap with me at the reunions for TWO DAYS. They just found out the day that school starts in their new school district, and because of that and the end date of my Arabic program, we'll only be together for two days.


I am heartbroken.

I sat in my car last night and sobbed and sobbed and beat my steering wheel and yelled in frustration and sorrow and anger - about this HUGE disappointment, on top of everything else I have been dealing with this's just too much...and so I think that that bit of news was more than my already-beaten-down little psyche could handle - nothing else will register, and this morning I went to class more cheerful than I have been in days. I can't handle the thought of that small amount of time with them when I was looking forward - for eight months!!! - to so much more time together, so I think I am suppressing the pain and disappointment to the point that it doesn't exist or can't hurt me anymore.

Except when I think about it for more than 2 seconds. Then the tears start again.

I know life isn't supposed to be fair, but after eight months of looking forward to time with them - only TWO DAYS?! Puh-LEASE!!

It's a good thing I'll be with my other two adorable nieces and my other two fabulous sisters and my wonderful parents for longer than that - missing ALL of them would kill me for sure. I just wanted us all to be together for a while...

So Life, if you have any more disappointments or pain in store for me, could you hold off, please? Even just for a couple of months? I'm pretty much operating at capacity right now.


Nathan and Sarah said...

that breaks my heart. I am so sorry. I know how much you love spending time with your family.

I am excited we will be so close to each other soon. Start planning a trip to come see us cause you are welcome at our house ANY time!

Amy said...

:( :( :(

Amy said...

I lurve you. I miss you. I want you to be happy. I want to sit in sweatpants and watch movies with you (NOT doing work at the same time; pure focus on laziness) and eat things we probably shouldn't eat. I'm not sure why that last one is related to the first three, but it is. Maybe that's what healing feels like to me.

We are going to have SO MUCH FUN. You'll be fun-exhausted after two days anyway. You'll spend the next fourteen days in a fun-induced stupor anyway. You will die of a fun overload before you even notice they're gone anyway. So don't worry about it.

When that stupor hits, I'll be ready with my movies, sweatpants and chocolate. I will heal you, baby. I will heal you.

Janell said...


Jeremy said...

"I sat in my car last night and sobbed and sobbed and beat my steering wheel and yelled in frustration and sorrow and anger..."

Why is it that I have no problem envisioning you doing this???

Oh, yeah.... It's because I've *seen* you do stuff like that.


The good part is that you will still be the bright, smiling person that you are. It's not your nature to dwell on the unfairness of life. (Like how you never remember that I got my PhD during your masters program.)