And so it begins.

Today I moved into the dorms (I know, right?) for the intensive summer Arabic program. Which, yes, I am doing for the second time. :) And here are the things that made my day:

• I can park my car in the parking lot right next to the dorm on weekends. Woohoo! That means that on Sunday mornings, in my Sunday clothes and the heat and humidity, I do NOT have to walk 15 minutes to the place where my car will be parked during the week. I can move it on Saturday and Sunday mornings for the next 2 months just go easy-peasy. Man, I'm so relieved; I was dreading that walk.
• I do not have a roommate! For the last month I have thought that I was going to have a roommate, seeing as how that's what the paperwork about housing for the program said, and I was kind of nervous and kind of worried and kind of just kind of dreading it. I mean, I haven't had a roommate since 2001. Yup, it's been a while. So this means I don't have to worry about keeping anyone else up with my light on, or being kept up by anyone else, or the whole "what if she was 19 years old and just really young and annoying" thing. Yay! It also means, however, that I don't have an automatic buddy/study partner, so I'll just have to be friendly and make friends. Le sigh. ;)
• I get to miss orientation tomorrow to go to church! I wouldn't be so excited about this except that in working things out with the program coordinator I found out that the orientation is mainly for people who don't live in this town, and, uh, I live in this town, so I would have been basically bored out of my mind anyway. 

Some of you may remember that when I did this program a couple of years ago, it was not the best experience for me. In fact, that program that summer was one of the toughest times I've had, ever. So, yeah, when I got the funding to do it again this year, I had a moment of panic and heart paralysis, and I thought, "OH. NO. This means I have to do the program again. WHAT was I thinking when I applied for that money?!" And I've felt quite a bit of angst about it since then. But tonight, after moving my stuff into the dorm, and making some friends at dinner, I felt pretty dang good about things. I have a placement test tomorrow, and then I'll find out what class I'll be in and what material I'll be covering. I haven't taken an Arabic class in more than a year, and one of the profs is thinking that I'll just pick up with the next class, after the one that I took a year ago, but I don't think so. We'll see.

Anyway, mainly I'm just happy that I'm feeling pretty comfortable. I am going to get a priesthood blessing tomorrow, and that will be a good comfort and strength, but I'm SO relieved to be feeling so good. I know that my attitude last time I did this program made a HUGE (negative) impact on me and my learning and my overall experience in the program, and I am DETERMINED not to sabotage myself again that way.

In other news, this dorm bed will be the 8th different bed that I have slept in in the past three weeks. So even though it's not "home," it will be nice to feel more settled and less living-out-of-a-suitcase-ish than the last three weeks. Of course, I did spend the last three weeks seeing my ENTIRE family, so the consistency of the upcoming 2 months in the dorms doesn't actually compare. At all. But whatever. :)

Good night, friends!

True dat.

So after several hours of logging video from Abu Dhabi, I went into my coworker's office and said, "I just want spring break to start NOW!" and he said, "Start it!" and I said, "the problem is that it's not like I'll really have a break. I mean, the only thing that really changes for me next week is that I don't have Arabic class" and he said, "Um, but Arabic class is the bane of your existence!"

Well, yes.

So I guess it will be a nice spring break. :)

"a long speech" :)

So this afternoon was the 3rd discussion with these native Arabic speakers that I found, and I really feel like it is helping - YAY!

I met one of them in his ESL class when I went there to help with some technical problems the teacher was having. The teacher told me she had native Arabic speakers in her class, so I gave 2 of them my email and offered to get together to let them practice English and me practice Arabic, and one of them emailed me!

So last Friday was the first time we got together - me and Martin, a guy in my class, and him and one of his friends. We decided that we'd do 30 min in English for them, and 30 min in Arabic for us. And I was thinking once a week, but Martin suggested twice a week, and they said ok! So we did last Friday, and then Monday and then today! Today is the day that went the most smoothly. All three times we started with English and then did Arabic, but the last 2 times much of the Arabic time was spent giving us new vocab and the conversation didn't really flow from the English part to the Arabic part, but today it totally flowed! It was time to switch to Arabic, and Martin was about to say something, and he said, "Just this one thing," and I said, "you can say it in Arabic!" and he did! :) And then they asked us questions - about our goals for learning Arabic - and so I did my awkward speech about how I want to teach language teachers, and - I think they understood! They prompted me and corrected me from time to time, and asked clarifying questions, but at the end one of them said, "That was a long speech, and you did it!" :) And I felt very successful!

We talked about food in our town, the ethnic diversity here, the acceptance of other cultures that (Martin feels) is prevalent in the US, and about religion, in the US and in Saudi Arabia, where these guys are from. We talked about good ways to study new words :) and about how Muslims aren't supposed to date.

I think we talked about all that stuff in English, and I can't remember exactly what we talked about in Arabic :) but I do remember that I followed most of it and that it was AWESOME to understand and be part of a conversation!

These guys are really cool about me stammering out my Arabic - YAY! It's giving me lots more confidence that I can do an OPI and not die! :)

And, I'm pretty proud of myself for FINALLY taking the initiative to set this up - it took me a while to have the guts, and I'm glad I finally did! :)

The end of a streak

Today is the first time in one month that I have worn a hoodie in public. And yes, it has a little something to do with this item of clothing that I got for my birthday one month ago. But I still felt it was worth noting. :)

And also - remember this presentation? Well it was today, and we got a few laughs. :) And then leaving class, a classmate not in my group muttered to me, "Congratulations. Yours is DEFINITELY going to be the best one." And another student, who is in that guy's group, said, "I resent that lack of confidence in our abilities!" And the first guy said, "it's not going to be better than THAT!" :) heehee

Al-hijab

I just spent all day with a group from my Arabic class, filming our final presentation. We did a TV morning news show, and one of the parts I wrote and recorded was a (spoof) commercial for hijab. We thought we were very clever, even if we couldn't get all our jokes to go smoothly into Arabic. :)

So if you show up in our class on Tuesday, you might see a little of this...

The Good, the Bad, and the Really, Really Yucky.

The good:
I got a 100% on my midterm for my Islam class. :) I told one of my classmates, who is also in my Arabic class, that it's been a while since I got 100% on anything, and he said, "What about in Arabic class?" Um, yeah. About that.

The bad:
I AGAIN fought with the phone tree system of a certain wireless company to try to tell them that I DON'T actually owe them $184.68 in early termination fees, since I canceled the contract in less than 30 days. And NOT ONLY do I not owe them that money, but the nice employee that I talked to the last time I fought with their phone system told me he had cleared the charges, so something is messed up, since I am STILL getting threatening letters about how they're going to send me to a collections agency if I don't pay up. AND!!! NOT ONLY should those charges have already been cleared by the last guy I talked to, but even getting to talk to a person is a royal pain!! They sent me THREE different customer service numbers, ALL of which required me to enter my 10-digit phone number to continue. When I entered it, the system said, "That is a not a valid number with our company" and kicked me out. I KNOW it's not a valid number! I'm no longer with your company! The letter that you sent me, WHICH TOLD ME TO CALL THIS NUMBER, acknowledged that I'm no longer with your company! And yet there is no number I can call to get through the system.

Erg.

Obviously I eventually got through. I entered my phone number as 10 0's. Twice. :) And then I selected the menu option about activating a prepaid phone that I (supposedly) purchased at a store. THEN I got a human, who listened to me rant and then told me very nicely that she was with the prepaid department and would be happy to transfer me to the contracts dept. :) But hey - at least she didn't kick me entirely out of the system.

Anyway, moving on.

The Really, Really, Yucky:
It is confirmed that we have a mouse in our house. My roommate told me a few days ago that she suspected it, and I confirmed it. WITH MY OWN TWO EYES. That's right, I saw the nasty little bugger. It was eating one of my potatoes in the pantry. And yes, I jumped backwards and screamed like a girl, which, in fact, I am.

So now we get to put all our food in hard sided containers and set traps and maybe borrow Dan's cat and throw her in the pantry and shut the door and see what happens.

Good times, internets, good times.

Today...

...a colleague and I have a grant application due. It's pretty much getting to be almost done.

...I have an Arabic essay due. It's about half done and due in one hour.

...is the last full day before Dan gets back!!

Plus, this whole new Google Buzz thing...I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I've participated in the narcissistic practice of blogging for a while now (holy crap it's been four years - !!), and we know I use my gChat status bar, but somehow imposing a one-line status on the world, knowing that it's going to show up as "new" Buzz and someone's going to feel obligated to read it, if for no other reason than to get their "unread Buzz" back to zero...feels even more narcissistic. I'm not sure I can handle it. (And is it considered meta-narcissistic if I post on my blog about it??)

Happy Monday! :)

These are not the droids you're looking for.

So my boy is out of town for the weekend :( :( which leaves me with lots of, um, "free" (?) time. You know, all that time every day that I usually spend with him (after my school work for the day is done, of course!) that now I don't get to spend with him because he's several states away. :( So this weekend I get to fill that time with, um, more school work, or late Arabic homework, or house work, or laundry, or late Arabic homework, or my visiting teaching (eep), or even, you guessed it, late Arabic homework. (Ooooh - or grocery shopping!!)

His flight left last night at 7pm. So what, you ask, did I do with all that available evening time???

Yes, that's right. I did.

I went to bed at 7:30pm.

Quick summary of my week

Monday: research proposal application due to the IRB. This is so that data that I gather for a class project this semester can be used for conference presentations or publications.
Also Monday: Arabic essay due. Not written yet. eep. So obviously I'm using my time well by blogging instead of writing it. :P
Tuesday: Meeting in the evening with the finance committee of the student gov't. We will have to 'defend' our request for funding for the symposium that is slotted to be next April, but for which we don't have any funding yet. eep! This meeting REALLY needs to go well!
Thursday: Midterm for my Middle Eastern Studies class.
Also Thursday: Leave after my midterm for a conference in a neighboring state! Two of my colleagues and I are presenting some of our research there. :) :) Unfortunately, we aren't QUITE ready to present yet, tho we are getting closer, and there is a lot of work to fit in this week to get ready for that.
Friday: Arabic test, that I'll miss because I'm at the conference, but will have to take on Monday.
The weekend: Halloween, which is HUGE in the town where I live, AND Stake conference, at which we'll be getting a new stake presidency. I'll still be out of town. :(

Oh, and I almost forgot to add that I still have just the regular homework and reading to do - 3 chapters by Tuesday, 5 articles by Wednesday, and I don't even know what I have to read for Thursday!

Um, wish me luck?? :)

Spelling counts.

I was part of a group presentation in my Arabic discussion section the other day, and I didn't freeze up and die, which was a BIG DEAL to me.

I did, however, make a typo on one of my slides. With one letter I changed the full name of the city of Mecca from "Beloved city" to "Hated city."

Yes, I am just. that. awesome.

I go back and forth...

...between being excited for classes and for what I'm going to learn this semester and TOTALLY tired of school. I know this will be a good, growing, stretching, learning, enlightening year, I just hope I have the energy to make it happen. :)

Time with family and friends the last 3 weeks was good...but never enough. I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to - blame it partly on the fact that I was DEATHLY ILL for almost HALF of my vacation time! Ok, fine, not DEATHLY ill, but ill enough that I wanted to die. :) Green stuff coming out my eyeballs, horrible sinus pressure, no voice...yeah, it was pretty awesome. :)

So I came back to school pretty excited to be back, but then not enough time to get settled into the new apartment, or life, again before school started. And I've been messing with my class schedule, so I still feel pretty unsettled. I think I decided today what classes I'm actually going to take, so that is a nice feeling, but I also feel like I'm already behind in Arabic, and I'm gonna have to bust my tail to not get behind in my other classes. The second day and already I'm worried about being behind? That ain't good, people. Maybe I worry too much, ya think? :)

On the other hand, it IS really fun to be back with my friends in this town, and to start to get my head back into this field that I enjoy and have enjoyed so much, and to start to get settled into my cute new house.

And as I flip back and forth between excitement and something close to panic I am reminded of that quote by President Hinckley where he talks about life being like an old-time railway journey - twists and turns, and only occasionally beautiful views and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick, he says, (and this is what I need to remind myself when I feel down,) (this plus "go eat something," :P ) is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.

So there ARE some fun things...

For example, today we had to write sentences using the new vocab for ch 12, and I wrote the following. The bold words are the new vocab.

My day off was great! I missed class, and I didn't learn about the death of my teacher. I was appointed to speak at her funeral.

My teacher even laughed when she read it, and that was kind of a triumph for me. :)

Also, one of the students in my class is still in high school (!!), and she's considering going to college in Scotland, and we had this big (tangential) discussion today about how people in many (most?) other countries don't take great care of their teeth, and she was kind of disgusted. Then later we were answering conversation-type questions, and another student said, in answer to one of the questions, that he ended a relationship once because the girl had Scottish teeth. :) hee hee :)

So it's not ALL totally heinous and painful. :)

My rules for the next ten days

1. Don't panic. You ARE capable of learning this stuff, and you know your mind shuts off when you panic.

2. FOCUS. On Arabic.

And that is all.

WAY more panic today, people!!

So we have two weeks left of this Arabic program, and I alternate between the following:

1) 12 days and 10 hrs until I'm with my nieces and nephews - WAHOOOOOO!!!

and

2) Oh. My. GOSH. I am going to fail in life and die. In five minutes.

See, 2 weeks in this program is HALF A SEMESTER of Arabic left to go. That's a LOT of material. And I STILL don't have a very good grasp on the material from the last two weeks, so I have LOTS of catch up and LOTS of keeping up to do.

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So...

...apparently the prayers of the internets are not effective :P ;) because my sister and her husband have decided to send their kids to public school.

HOWEVER!!!!

They bought a plane ticket - for ME! - from their town to our parents' town!! So this means that I get to drive across two states with them and their kids and then fly back across those 2 states. And lest you think this would NOT be a fun way to spend YOUR vacation, allow me to remind you that this means that instead of two days with them, I now get THREE AND A HALF!!! WOOOHOOOO!! :)

Arabic, on the other hand, is SERIOUSLY giving me the people's elbow to the face these days. I am WAY behind, and sentences that are supposed to mean something to me...don't. I'm tempted to just "survive" for the next 11.5 days of class...until I remember that that equates to more than half a semester, so I really just need to kick it into gear and catch up and keep up. Wish me luck!

Studying vocab

So I think I've mentioned that I have a lot of vocab to memorize. I haven't? Well, internets, guess what?

I HAVE A LOT OF VOCAB TO MEMORIZE.

It's a frightening amount, and I struggle to get it for every chapter. I have tried different things to help me to remember the sound and the spelling of each word, and since it's always a struggle, I have felt like those things weren't necessarily helping.

Well.

The chapter that we're currently in? I'm TOTALLY not getting the vocab down, and I realized that it's because I changed my studying a little bit. I didn't do for this chapter a technique that I have done with previous chapters, and I can tell that my grasp of this vocab is weaker because of it. So I'll do it today and hopefully I'll know the vocab in time for the test on Friday AND so that I can USE it in conversation, which really is the point of vocab anyway, eh? :)

It just reminded me that sometimes in life we don't realize how important the "little things" really are, and we don't always know how much they are helping, BUT THEY ARE. That one vocab study technique? I wasn't sure it was helping until I didn't use it for one chapter, and THEN I realized how much it helped. It makes me wonder what the "little things" are that I am doing now that are keeping me sane (or as sane as I am ;) ), and I want to make sure I don't neglect any of them. They ARE helping. :)

The stars have aligned...

...and my fingernails are ALL the same nice length AT THE SAME TIME.

I know, it's like a little miracle.

Aren't you glad you came to read my blog today?! :)

So I've come up with two analogies to explain the almost scary cheerfulness that I've been feeling since Monday morning, despite the bad news. Are you ready? Here they are:

#1 - Emotional foreclosure. :) Too much to handle, so we reset the counters.

#2 - Computer freaking out - let's reboot.

Or maybe, really, I just needed to cry and let out some of what I've been bottling up for the last 6 or 7 weeks.

Either way, I'm feeling much better, and I think I'm going to survive. :) Only 13 more days of Arabic class! :)

And on another happy note, my roommate for next year and I turned in an application for a really cute duplex!! YAY! :) I may even get to move my stuff in before I head west for family time! :)

And I talked to my sister again today, and it turns out that since Sunday they have revisited the question of continuing to home school their kids rather than send them to public school, and if they go the home school route the first day of school in the school district won't matter and they'll be at the reunions longer! I know they need to do what's best for their kids, but would it be too much to ask for the entire internet to pray that they'll decide to home school, so I can spend more time with those kids next month?? That's a valid reason to make important decisions about your kids' education and future, isn't it?? ;)

The proverbial straw

Through all the stress of this summer - the Arabic program, the personal stresses, the housing stresses, and let me again mention the Arabic program - there have been 2 things that have been keeping me going through this Arabic struggle. One of them was the family reunions at the end of the summer - one-and-a-half or two weeks with ALL my nieces and nephews. I have been holding on to that as if it would save my sanity these past weeks, and it has.

And last night I found out that one sister and her four kids will only overlap with me at the reunions for TWO DAYS. They just found out the day that school starts in their new school district, and because of that and the end date of my Arabic program, we'll only be together for two days.

TWO DAYS.

I am heartbroken.

I sat in my car last night and sobbed and sobbed and beat my steering wheel and yelled in frustration and sorrow and anger - about this HUGE disappointment, on top of everything else I have been dealing with this summer...it's just too much...and so I think that that bit of news was more than my already-beaten-down little psyche could handle - nothing else will register, and this morning I went to class more cheerful than I have been in days. I can't handle the thought of that small amount of time with them when I was looking forward - for eight months!!! - to so much more time together, so I think I am suppressing the pain and disappointment to the point that it doesn't exist or can't hurt me anymore.

Except when I think about it for more than 2 seconds. Then the tears start again.

I know life isn't supposed to be fair, but after eight months of looking forward to time with them - only TWO DAYS?! Puh-LEASE!!

It's a good thing I'll be with my other two adorable nieces and my other two fabulous sisters and my wonderful parents for longer than that - missing ALL of them would kill me for sure. I just wanted us all to be together for a while...

So Life, if you have any more disappointments or pain in store for me, could you hold off, please? Even just for a couple of months? I'm pretty much operating at capacity right now.

Getting settled in, maybe? :)

So the past few days of this Arabic program I feel like my life has settled into a pattern, and that's a nice feeling. I usually get up early and study, shower quick, grab a quick breakfast of 2 bowls of cereal with fruit and 2 glasses of orange juice :), and go to class. I study vocab on the way to lunch, eat lunch, study vocab on the way back to class. After class I usually walk some - on the bike path or just around - and sometimes call a family member to chat. Then I study / read / nap, then dinner, then studying, then bed. I've been sleeping consistently about 5-6 hrs, which is not a ton, but I'm surviving, and it IS a consistent amount of sleep each night, which I hear is good for you. And I've been consistently reading my scriptures, and spending some good time pondering and writing in my scripture journal and my regular journal, which I also hear is good for you. :)

I have had quite a few days of class recently during which I _didn't_ want to die, so that's been a nice change. :) I'm getting into the habit more of studying and learning and struggling through. Today on the way to class I was panicking a little because this is day 2 on chapter 6, and I STILL didn't have all the ch 6 vocab mastered, and I knew we'd have to actively USE it in class. And I was thinking how frustrating it is that it takes me 3-4 days to be comfortable with each new set of vocab, and yet we only spend about 2.5 days on each chapter, so I'm not comfortable with it by the time we move on to the next set. But then I had a thought that stopped me in my tracks - I DO get comfortable with each set of vocab. !!! :) :) So even if it takes me 3-4 days, it DOES happen, and so these new words ARE and WILL slowly work their way into my vocabulary. I was relieved when I realized that - I've been beating myself up that I can't absorb and assimilate this vocab as quickly as we move through it, but I DO get it eventually, and that was a very satisfying feeling. :)

I also had an AWESOME moment in class today when _I_ was right and the punk kid who is REALLY smart and always seems to be WAY ahead of the rest of us was NOT right, and he complimented me - TWICE! - on figuring out this new concept. :) That was a good feeling, and it's nice to feel like even if there ARE things that I don't catch on to as fast as him, and even if my vocabulary isn't as good as his, and even if he doesn't have to look words up to remember the short vowels, and even if he did memorize the ENTIRE chart of plurals...I am NOT an idiot, and I feel like I proved that a little bit today, to him and to me. :)

Time flies when you're...drowning in Arabic??

So a quick update. Or not so quick - "wait 'til I get going!" (Name that movie to further solidify our friendship...)

Housing: My apartment has been sublet. WOOHOOOOOO!!! That saves me $1200. :) :) Well, $1198, plus utilities. :) I'm very relieved to have that taken care of. This does mean, however, that since I no longer have another home, I officially live in the dorms, for the first time since 1995. :) And I officially park my car at the institute building. :) And I officially have one check left, until I unpack my boxes at the beginning of September and find my next book of checks. So if I tell you "the check is in the mail," it just ain't true.

Arabic...yeah, about that. It's still stressful, I'm still not where I would like to be with it, but it's LOTS better than it was last time I posted, so that's nice. :) And the attitude adjustment that I SERIOUSLY needed? I got it. :) A small part of it had to do with remembering that I ALWAYS take a while to get adjusted to new situations. So I was not adjusted to this intensive Arabic thing, and was feeling bad that I wasn't just loving every second of it. I'm still not loving every second of it, but now I'm feeling more like I will, eventually. :) Of course, the quickest I've ever adjusted to a new living situation was about 2 months...and this is a two-month program. :) So hopefully I'm adjusted and happy before it's over. ;) But I got an 87% on my last test, and I thought I'd done much worse than that, so things aren't looking too bad right now. :)

And people - it's week 4!!! That means that by the end of this week, we'll have done an entire semester of Arabic - CRAZY!!!! It also means I'm almost half done with this program. I know it's just Monday of week 4, but for some reason the weekends are slow and the weeks just FLY, so I feel like it'll be Friday before I know it.

And I went to an AWESOME fireside last night! I was reminded of how much I have to learn, to do, and to BECOME in order to be like my Heavenly Father. (But not in a panicked, stressing out, way, right, E? ;) ) So I'm more motivated than I've been in a while to really WORK at being who He wants me to be. It's a good feeling. :)