Thursday, May 25, 2006

Inspiration

You people inspire me. You internets, you who really do share your really personal struggles and trials and thoughts. I want to be more like you.

(And I was going to link to your posts, you people who inspire me to be more open, and then I decided not to, because then I would feel like " hey, I'm NOT totally personal with the whole internet world, but these people, in these posts, ARE! So while I remain safe and protected in my little self-protective cocoon, come check out their tender, personal, vulnerable moments!," and, uh, I didn't want to do that. But in a "thank you for inspiring me" kind of way, I want to say, you know who you are. coughcoughlaurencoughcoughnantiemegcoughcough)


I've been working to overcome fear, and part of that is fear of who I really am, or am not. I know that I am not perfect, but while it is easy to say that, it is a LOT harder to look at the specific things about me that aren't perfect. I want to fix them, and yet I have to see them, really SEE them, in order to do so. And that is sometimes painful.

Today, for example, I got mad at one of my dear friends and co-workers. Really mad. Like I wanted to ... well, we'll just leave that unsaid. ;)

But it really bothered me that I was so annoyed. What is it about me, and about him, and about the way that we communicate, that makes me SO MAD sometimes? 'Cause the thing is (Alysha - be proud) - I know it isn't just his fault. I know it's at least partially me. So I need to get down inside myself and figure out what it is that gets all bugged by him, and then change it, or forgive myself, or him, or whatever, and make it so that he doesn't avoid me out of fear that I'll freak out whenever he expresses his opinion.

ooh, dang self-analysis.

3 comments:

Lauren said...

Dude, you rock. And life is tricky. But we're going to make it (after all. [insert cheesy image of me throwing my hat in the air here] [insert me hoping you get the Mary Tyler Moore reference here]).
Also, thanks. I've spent the past 48 hours REALLY wanting to take down the honest post. Slash my entire blog? But not really. But a little. So thanks for the props.

Grammy said...

Margaret, you are so kind to care a bout your relationship with co-worker even though you are annoyed with him. You are so wise and humble to look at the whole situation and try to see what your part in the whole deal is. And so brave to let us all see your vulnerable side. Thank you for sharing.

Also thank you for the reference to coughcoughNantiemeg. I love that girl and was wondering about Lauren, but here is a link to her post now. So hopefully I can get to know some of your other supportive friends. Here's hoping all is going well with your thesis.

NoSurfGirl said...

I'm sorry about the altercation with your co-worker. Being somewhat outspoken myself... I appreciate your charity toward him despite his slight lack of consideration for you and your viewpoints.

And just for the record (righting previous wrongs, I hope) I have decided that farcle is not a 'Republican' game. Er, yeah.