I totally don't have my dad's permission to post this on my blog.

But he and my mom are going to Paris tomorrow, and we already know how I feel about my parents, or my possessions, taking trips to places that I want to go.

And so, without further ado, or permission from my dad, I give you...the email he sent to my sisters and me entitled "Resurrecting my French." (I should mention that he was fluent in both French and Spanish as a young person, and continues to be fluent in Spanish also as an older person, but not as fluent in French. Hence the need to "resurrect" the French.)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, my father:
 

For the last couple of weeks I've been immersing myself in French for almost 2 hours per day.

I remember how we heartless children used to make fun of my father, listening to his Berlitz records late at night, and never getting anywhere. 

"Un."

"Un!"

"Deux."

"Deux!"

So ashamed.  As busy as he was - coming home at night and working on that.  We were wretched.

If you cast your bitter herbs on the water, they return to you.  Or verbs.

I got some intermediate/advanced CDs and work on them walking to and from the train and on the train.  The guy says something in English.  Pause.  Girl says it in French.  Pause.  In French again.  Pause.  Then the guy on a new phrase.  So I use the pauses to try to figure out how to say it, then correct myself, and work on pronunciation. 

Two hours a day of this is pretty intense.  I'll look for them.  Cram some of this down their charming oh-so-competent "sur le pont d´Avignon" throats.

Ruining Spanish - sometimes a French word or pronounciation intrudes.  And French phrases and conjugations keep flitting through the brood-o-sphere.  And dreams.

The verbs are the worst.  Je suis.  Tu est.  Il est.  Elle est.

The whole language nothing but insane labyrinth of verbs.  Doing things to or by a few innocent nouns.  Subjunctive.  Passe compose.  Conditional.  Darn it all.

Thank heaven for the occasional cognate.  [My mom] woke up Sunday absolutely bushed after Saturday's excesses.  "Je vois que tu est tres poupée."  Yes!  I can do this!

The nightmares.  In my dreams it still doth haunt me.  The prehistoric jungle with gigantic insane reptilian birds verbing their way through the dense miasma of eons-old wreckage and decay.  Purple.  Greenish orange.  Brownish blue. That's just the birds.  Snatching out your liver.  Ma fois!

Marie Antoinette.  "Qu'ils mangeant du brioche."  A precursor to the tumbrils, the guillotine.  Charles, a peasant, hauled to the scaffold for disobeying her.  "Je n'aurai pas du ne pas y en avoir mangé du brioche.  Avoir.  Chouette."  "I shouldn´t have not eaten the cake."  J'ai.  Tu as.  Il a.  Elle a.

me te se nous vous

le la les

lui leur

y

en

Accents!

Darnit darnit darnit.

Gloria en excelsis les neuf inmortels.

Halleluja!

Amen! 

And to that I say also - amen! :) And also - bon voyage! :)

AAAAHHHH!!! and also - UGH. and also - ARGGGGHHH!!!

So I feel like all my one-liner posts lately have been just little teasers and not actual news, and this one will be no exception. Except that maybe it will, because now that I'm sitting down to write ANYTHING, writing seems like a good idea. So we'll see how this goes. Wow, that was quite a disclaimer.

So the real point of this post is the subject line. I just needed to let that out. Things are really stressful for me right now for a number of reasons, and I need an outlet RIGHT NOW, and you are it, you lucky internets, you. So here are the issues:

1) I'm in an intensive Arabic immersion program right now. We just finished week 2, and since we're doing 2 semesters in 8 weeks, we just did the equivalent of half a semester's work in the last 2 weeks. It's a little depressing how much Arabic I CAN'T speak. And how much English I'm not SUPPOSED to be speaking, but am anyway. Eep.

There is LOTS more to say about that, but two colleagues and I are doing a research project related to our experiences in our 3 different intensive language programs this summer, so I really should be writing about the Arabic stuff on that private research blog instead of here. So you get nothin'. Sorry. Um, except that I think that the Arabic program relates in one way or another to each of my other points. So, um, read on. Or not. whatever. :)

2) I am AGAIN in a situation of needing someone to sublet my apartment. I say "again" because I was in this situation last summer, and it was sticky and uncomfortable and expensive and took some tolls on my mental health and my relationship with one set of roommates. This summer I need to sublet because the Arabic program, being an immersion program, requires me to live in the dorms. So I'm living in the dorms (oh joy oh rapture) and my apartment is sitting empty. Well, with all my stuff in it. I have been looking for someone to sublet, and there have been probably 6 or 7 options, some of which were people related to or connected to members of the Church that I know, and some of them would have wanted to use my furniture and dishes, which would have been fine with me, mostly because then I wouldn't have to move or store my furniture right now, so I didn't actually pack up my apartment, which was NOT smart. I didn't post it on Craig's List because of the possible options that were turning up in other ways, but now there is no one in it, and July's rent is due next week. Awesome. There are still 2 options of people to move in, but the first has been slow on the paperwork, and now the manager of the complex is out of town, and if she refuses to rent to them, you know, once she gets back in town at some undetermined point next week, then my OTHER option will have already had to have found another place to live, since their current contract ends next Tuesday. Again, awesome.

And all of this is really weird deja vu back to last summer - I had 2 options lined up, the first fell through, but by the time she fell through, the other had found another option, so I had no one. And it ended up costing me about $1500. Sigh. And yet I'm doing the same thing again. Why?!?!

But it's less of an issue this summer, even tho I'm still feeling really stressed right now about it, because it doesn't involve negative feelings with roommates, so that is really nice. The main problem now is that I have no time to go pack up the apartment because, whadda ya know!, this "intensive" Arabic program, really is INTENSE! So free time? not so much of it these days.

3) There is some, um, personal stuff going on, which, since it's personal, I won't be discussing here, but suffice it to say, it's stressing me out. And one reason for needing an outlet RIGHT NOW was related to it. All of which sounds really mysterious and probably a titch crazy, but hey, whatever, I'm a titch crazy.

And after all that, here's the good stuff, because there IS good stuff! :)

1) I have a couple of family reunions coming up at the end of the summer, and I am REALLY excited about that!!! I talked to one of my cousins the other day about one reunion, and I am SO excited to be around all those great people!! :) :) And to be RELATED to all those great people! :)

2) Two classmates and I had a proposal accepted to present at a conference this fall, based on research we did last semester! AWESOME!!!! :) :) I'm a scholar! hee hee hee!

3) I don't think I ever posted here that I got a REALLY awesome funding package for next year, which will allow me to NOT be a TA of any sort - I just get to take classes, and they'll pay me! AND they'll pay my tuition! :) :) It also means that the decision about which TAship to take for next year was a moot point. I won't say that it was unnecessary, because it did get me focused in some good ways, but in the end, my concern about offending one prof by NOT accepting that TAship...didn't matter; I ended up taking neither. :)

4) My family loves me. :)
4a) My fabulous aunt called me from France the other day!! She has a study abroad group there again, and I'm SO flattered that she'd call me to get my input!! Of course, I missed her call due to my Arabic program, but still!! and it made me super excited to hang out with her at the reunion in August!!
4b) I talked to my dad over the weekend, and then he sent me an email the other day, expressing his love and confidence in me, and it really meant a lot to me. And I get to see him at the end of the summer, too. :) :)
4c) My sister emailed me the other day, and the subject line of her email was, "How do you say, 'I miss you' in Arabic?" and I REALLY needed to hear from someone close to me that day, and her email was perfect. :) And then later when I called her house and talked briefly to her husband in an attempt to track down my dad, she called back a minute later and said, among other things, "What's this?! I send you an email saying how much I miss you and then you call and don't even talk to me? How do you say, 'you suck' in Arabic??" And that made me laugh, and then it made me cry, because I love her and she loves me, and then I babbled about how stressed I am, and that didn't make it all better, but it helped. Love helps. :)

5) I run!!! And by that I mean that I dragged my sorry tush out of bed before 7am yesterday AND today to go running - BY MYSELF. GO ME!! And if two days doesn't seem like a big accomplishment to you, that's because you don't know that MY RUNNING PARTNER LEFT TOWN early Thursday morning!!! Do you even REALIZE the significance of this information?! That means that EVEN THOUGH I would not be standing someone up if I didn't get up and go running, I STILL WENT RUNNING!!! I KNOW! It's HUGE!!

Let me put this in perspective so you can actually appreciate what a big accomplishment this is. We are talking about a girl who has a REALLY hard time getting out of bed without a firm early morning commitment that involves other people. For example, back in the day when Jer and Brooke lived in Springville, and I lived in Provo, the only reason I got to work at a reasonable hour was because they picked me up on the way to campus. Picked me up and drove me across the street to where Jer and I worked. Across the street. Literally. It would have taken me almost the same amount of time to walk to work as it took for them to drive me, but if I had walked I would have gotten there at 11am. Maybe. When they picked me up - 8am every day.

So please, celebrate the running with me. :)

Um, ok, I think I'm done. Yeah, this was a little more than a one-liner, and it felt good. I might be back. :)

I think I'm ok that I live here. :)

So I've been running lately. I haven't put in place anything so committed (read: stressful and guilt-inducing) as an actual schedule or plan, however. Running is supposed to RELIEVE stress, not create more when I don't feel like it on the day I'm scheduled to go! But it's been nice. There have been days when I get home and I think, "I'd really like to go for a run tonight," so I do. :) There are a couple of parks and a lake near my apartment, so I've run there, and it really is nice to be out in nature. I spend so much time with my nose in a book or my eyes on a computer screen that sometimes I forget that there are things like, oh, trees. And grass. And ponds. And breezes. I really like all of those. Water is especially peaceful for me, and I've thought a lot about how the Savior's voice is compared in the scriptures to the sound of rushing waters. I've always loved living near water, and just standing on the edge, looking out.

Last night, while my laundry was in at my friends' house, I went running in the neighborhood around their house. After barreling my way up a hill (go me!), I found myself running along a golf course, and it was really peaceful and good for the soul. :) When I turned around to head back, I got to watch a gorgeous sunset over the green hills and trees of the golf course - awesome!

It was a little chilly on my run - summer hasn't quite hit yet, but it is surely spring. Being in school means that the seasons only matter in terms of what they indicate about how soon finals are coming :) and apparently summer does come later here than where I've lived previously, but that's ok with me, since finals come later, too. :) So I've been glad that it's not too summer-like yet so that I'm not distracted from the 2 big research papers I have to write in the next two weeks.

And being out running has reminded me that it really is beautiful here, in this place where I am! There are LOTS of parks all over the place, and I really love the trees, and the fact that pretty much every park has a pond. I was thinking last night while I was running that I like it here. :) And that's good, seeing as how my documentation supports the fact that I really do live here now. :)

I'd like my dignity back, please.

Do you ever look back on recent events in your life and wonder, "Who is the IDIOT that's been living in my body and interacting with my friends recently?!"

Well, that's the question of the hour around my house right now. Seriously, I'm cringing. Eep.

Here's hoping that the REAL Margaret gets back soon and takes over again. And that her friends won't hold her absence against her.

Welcome to my psyche.

I am on campus, and somewhere in the building, someone is playing really cheery polka-y Christmas music. Loudly. Two songs, again and again and again. I think I might go insane. Or home.

Except that last night my upstairs neighbor's two dogs barked for MORE THAN AN HOUR while I was trying to do some reading for class. Yes, I timed them. And yelled, "Shut yer dogs up!" at the ceiling.

Yesterday while I was getting ready for school I had these two songs in my head:
1) "Zero population," from that monstrosity, "Saturday's Warrior"
2) "I'm an ordinary man," from "My Fair Lady"
So yes, I was stuck with combinations like, "She'll have a large bognarian [??] mother, with a voice that shatters glass" and "zero population is the answer my friend, without it, the rest of us are doomed!"
I have no explanation for that.

I also had one of those between-hitting-the-snooze-button-every-9-minutes dreams in which Ron told me that Chad was leaving the next day to move to Columbia to play soccer. I was not surprised that his mad soccer skillz would allow him to do that, merely sad that I wouldn't get to see him before he left.

AND - I have plane tickets - I'll be heading back to the land of my family on 17 Dec, and I will be there for a WHOLE MONTH!!

So please, Chad, or anyone else, don't move to Columbia before I get to see you.

I think I'm really funny and it's late at night. And if you think those two statements are not connected then you don't know me. Or my blog title.

So I just got this email from my older sister:

Subject line: facebook

you need to get on!! there is a [ward from my home stake] friends group and they want to get together and someone was looking for you to organize a get-together:) Plus, there is an awesome picture of [that one guy] taking off a garter from way up on [that one girl]'s leg--hee hee!

And I started to write back to her, and then the profound truths listed in the title of this post hit me, and so you all get to read my reply, you lucky internets, you.

OK, but I REALLY don't need something ELSE to keep me from getting my work done, and you KNOW I am OCD enough that I would have to connect with everyone I've ever met, including those people from my alma mater who I never actually met but saw them walking on campus all the time, and because I spent SO MANY YEARS on that campus I'm sure they must have been in my ward at some point, so I introduce myself, and then sure enough, we don't know each other and now I look like a weird stalker freak. (And yes, that happened to me about a month and a half ago.)

sigh.

I feel like I'm the only person in the free world NOT on facebook. And I take a wee bit of pride in that. Kind of like I took a wee bit of pride in high school about not wearing make up, and I've tried to start wearing make up now several times, and I own some nice Mary Kay eyeshadow that I have been taught to apply by a friend who always looks REALLY nice with her make up, and I just don't do it.

So let's just say that facebook is the Mary Kay eyeshadow of my web presence.

But secretly I'm really flattered that those fun people want me to plan a get-together. And I'll probably do it.

Good thing my gloves and scarf are red...

...'cause I'm going to the football game tomorrow!! (And our school color is red. Just in case you didn't get why that would matter.) I'm really excited!! I wanted to go to one of the games, but couldn't afford the time or the money to get season tickets, and turns out...when you go to a Big 10 school, you, um, can't just "pick up" a ticket to a home football game. It doesn't work that way in the big leagues. :) But my fun friend J got tickets from her work and invited me to go with her - WOOHOO!!

And also - why do I stay up this late when I'm not being productive?

But sometimes my "to do" list gets overwhelming, and apparently all I can do is eat my $1.96 Totinos pizza and two servings of ice cream for dinner (that's what they call a "balanced diet") and read blogs until all hours of the night.

Oh wait! I got up at 5:30am to do homework today--suddenly my inability to function makes sense! When I have to actually function that early I later get past the point of being coherent, and then become incapable of being proactive about progress, such as turning off my computer and going to bed. It's awesome.

But the reason I got up that early was to prep for my group meeting, which went well! AND I got my car back after hitching rides for the last three weeks, and the guy replaced the fuel pump and the timing belt for FREE and only asked me to pay for the parts, and I am SO GRATEFUL!!

And tomorrow is Super Saturday, and I'm making - oh! I almost said it! I'm making Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews. :) Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise! (Since they are all under the age of 11 and none of them read this blog. Or know it exists. Or would care if they DID know. Or can read. Just kidding - several of them can read.)

Whoa nellie. Time for bed. Look at me all being proactive and getting my tush out of my chair and stuff!

There is no subject for this post.

So my brain is a little

Yeah, that's as far as that sentence got. Reminiscent of another time when I stopped partway through a thought. No, I'm not saying that my brain was a demon.

Hey - another of my hilarious cousins started blogging! Check her out!

And my sister posted about something important - Yes on Prop 8!

And I'm just a leeeeettle obsessed with this right now. I know, we've been over this before, but if I can live vicariously through my curling iron, surely I'm allowed to be really thrilled about someone else's romance. Seriously, grab a cup of hot cocoa and a fuzzy blanket, cozy up on the couch, and start at the beginning. It's a good story. And then you'll get addicted like me and keep on checking for updates 9 million times a day, when digging up citation information and transcribing interviews (1 hr to do FIVE MINUTES of an interview - you have GOT to be kidding me!!) just isn't puttin' bubbles in your milk anymore.

And speaking of milk, did you notice my new profile picture? Here, have a closer look.


So I went to the Minnesota State Fair over Labor Day. This is one of the many fun things I did at the end of the summer about which I have not yet blogged. Like the show in Chicago. And the concert. And the family vacation where I did not lose the pictures but did get to hang out with some of the people in the tractor picture. Oh, and France 2007, which was not at the end of last summer, but which is yet another cool thing about which I have not yet blogged.

But I digress.

So they do this cool thing at the Minnesota State Fair, where you spend $1 for a cup, such as the one I'm holding in the above picture, and then you can get free milk all day long. (And a week later, as long as you bring back your cup, right, R? :) )

DOESN'T THAT JUST SOUND AWESOME?!?!

:) :)

OK, but really, it's pretty cool. And you can get chocolate or white milk. And it's actually quite hilarious, because, um, everybody's doing it. Really. A couple of the images that I hope I never forget from that fair were of really tough looking guys, or really punk teenagers, standing around...drinking milk. And eating chocolate chip cookies, because someone had the brains to say, "Where there is milk, there must needs be cookies," and so put up a cookie booth. $16 for a plastic bucket of chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, um, we stuck with milk.

And we drank a lot of it. I'm holding up four fingers because I'm just then drinking my fifth cup of milk for the day. Yes, four fingers for my fifth cup of milk. Apparently my brain was a demon that day, too.

The clothes make the (wo)man

So one thing that I like about being a grad student again is that I get to return to my preferred manner of dress - jeans and hoodies.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Granted, I have a much nicer wardrobe now than I did a year ago, when I started the job that required me to wear "business casual" 5 days a week. And I have discovered that I actually like some of those clothes, and I have been realizing that if I want my professors and fellow students to take me seriously as a scholar, I shouldn't dress like a shlump, but still - put me in a hoodie and I'm a happy girl.

And I was thinking about this last Friday, when I spent all day doing homework and didn't move from my seat for 8 hours. See, I don't have class on Fridays, so I feel even freer on those days to dress in my preferred mode. And I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I hobbled to the bathroom around 8:30pm (yeah, I was a little stiff from 8 hrs of sitting still - I'm getting old, what can I say?!), and had to laugh when I realized what I was wearing:

• the flipflops that I bought in the European country that I visited in 1992, 2001, 2006, and 2007, and plan to visit multiple times in the future
  
• a t-shirt from my alma mater
• a hoodie from the large U.S. city I lived near for the last year
• a baseball cap from the concert I had attended the previous night (which I really need to blog about because it was A.W.E.S.O.M.E.)

So, um, would you like to know about my life? Ask me about my clothes - apparently they define me. :)

This is not the actual news update that I know you are all waiting for.

But I just wanted to express this, right now while I am feeling it, even though I feel it pretty often these days.

I am kind of intensely happy in my life right now. I'm really grateful that I feel that way, but it's kind of crazy, and really cool. It usually takes me a few months to adjust to a new situation and really like it, whether that be a new apartment or a new ward or a new state or whatever, but I am already feeling adjusted here and really enjoying my life, and that is a really fantastic feeling. I don't have a lot of time to post right now, so I may have to come back to this idea later to better communicate what I mean and to develop this idea, but almost every day I have a moment, like I did just now, of realizing how much I LOVE what I get to do right now.

I am in a PhD program that is really my field, and I am LOVING my coursework. (Weird!) Even the really long day spent all in one place the other day didn't drive me crazy because the work I was doing all day was so interesting to me! For my student job I get to work on the project that initially got me interested in this university, and within that job I get to do several different types of tasks, most ;) of which are really interesting to me, and that, again, are really in my field.

I am living alone for the first time ever, and I am loving it. I am really happy in my apartment, and I am actually cooking pretty much every day (shall I pause while you pick yourselves up off the floor?), and I bring my leftovers to school for lunch like a good little poor grad student. I clean my apartment, and I make my bed every day, and I have two bookshelves and a desk, for which I paid a grand total of $0.99. (And that was for pegs to hold up the shelves of the bookshelf that I found next to the dumpster at my apartment complex.) I bought my flatware at the dollar store, and don't own a frying pan yet, but there's lots that you can do with a saucepan with a flat bottom. ;)

I like my town, and I read on the bus, so my 30-minute commute to and from campus doesn't drive me nuts.

So it's not a glamorous life :) , and maybe I'm just in a "honeymoon period" and this feeling will wear off as I get used to things and get into the rigor of my program, but I really hope it doesn't wear off, and I feel so calm and normal about everything that I really don't think it will. Quite honestly, it thrills me, and startles me a little bit, how happy and content and at home I feel in this crazy new life of mine.

Just thought I'd share. Here's hoping that sharing doesn't jinx the feeling and make it go away! :)

If you are going to spend all day doing homework and having group meetings in one campus lounge, and literally not move from your seat from 1-8pm...

...it might as well be in a room in which one wall is windows and there is a big lake on the other side of the windows.

Wow. That came out WAY not as cool as I meant it to sound, but I'm too brain-dead to try again, and too desperate to have something on my blog besides the one about the maybe-missing-pictures to wait and try again later when I'm not so brain-dead.

And I did not lose the pictures. And, wow, that's really old news. Sorry to leave you hanging on that for an ENTIRE MONTH. You probably thought I lost them and was so sad that I moved halfway across the country and started a PhD program to try to get over it.

Well, I didn't lose them. But the rest is true.