Thursday, February 16, 2006

Is this one of those "life lessons" that is supposed to "build character," or what?

I think someone just needs to remind me that things are never going to be all settled and decided and firm and un-uncertain. I mean there are some things that will be, but not all things, all at the same time.

I have a few good friends, ranging from ages 25-64, who are, in one circumstance or another, WAITING.

Actually, I don't like the word WAITING, because that implies a certain amount of passivity (passiveness? Is that a word?), and most of these friends are taking the positive steps possible to resolve / get / find the things they are waiting for. How about...

I have a few good friends, ranging from ages 25-64, who are, in one circumstance or another, DEALING WITH UNCERTAINTY.

Sometimes in my selfish little I-am-a-grad-student-and-hence-
have-an-unstable-and- transient-life-in-which-very-little-is-firm -and-settled-and- certain-just-because-of-the-fact-that-I-am -a-student world I think that once the "student" portion of my life is over then the "in which very little is firm and settled and certain" part will be over, too. Meaning that things WILL eventually be firm and settled and certain.

But really, I think not. Here are some of the uncertainties that my friends and I are dealing with, and most of them are not tied to student status:
  • debt - getting out of it, when it's ok to get into it, why to get into it sooner rather than later, why to get out of it sooner rather than later
  • dating and marriage - finding someone that you want to propose to, finding someone that you want to be proposed to by, why did that have to end and will there really ever be anything better or as good?, having / making / finding time / choosing / wanting to be in / to stay or not to stay in a relationship, making the relationship / engagement / marriage work once it's decided on
  • school - what to major in, what to do with this major, what to do after graduation, what to do if graduation never comes and how to make sure it does, how to find time to support self / family while also trying to successfully pursue a degree
  • employment - where to look, what to look for, when to decide, what to decide, what to consider in making those decisions, when will the contracts for work start coming in?, how to figure out all the dang independent contractor tax stuff
  • family - to have or not to have kids, trying to have kids, what to do with kids once you have them :) , what to do if you had them and now they're gone, how to best help your adult kids, being scared that your adult kids won't make it on their own, to move or not to move and how will it affect the kids
  • health - surgery after surgery after surgery to get the same thing fixed, how long will the healing take, will this surgery be the one that makes the real healing start, when will things be totally healed, is progress enough or is full healing an option?
  • spiritual - is there a God, does He communicate with men and women, what does He want me to do, how to best get His help when it's needed, how to secure His help for loved ones
Oh, plus your basic grief, divorce, immorality and the consequences thereof, dealing with other people's poor decisions, car trouble, high gas bills, you name it!

So if I know people with all of these things going on in their lives, why would I think that things will be nice and calm and settled for me at some future point? Ya know, once that magical event happens, whatever it is - graduation, marriage, great job offer.

It's just frustrating sometimes to look at the lives of people I care about and to want for them that little piece of certainty--some little piece of certainty, any little piece of certainty, especially the one they are currently most concerned about. But that won't be the answer--behind that one uncertainty is a whole line of them, just waiting their turn, and the resolution of each one reveals the next.

5 comments:

Papa said...

Nice post. I found you by following links from Cancer crusader who read my post about suncreen and my basal cell scar. I tried leaving a comment on Cancer Crusader's site, but it wouldn't let me because I wasn't a team member.

Anyway, CC wanted to know if I, or maybe Heather wanted to become a CC. Don't know if I do or don't, but would be willing to consider if I had more info about what was expected, time commitment etc.

BTW, about all the uncertainties - there is one thing I'm certain of: There is a God and he loves us. I guess I'm a little further down the road than you, but dealing with the uncertainties of life is a lot easier once you get that one taken care of. Besides, if everything else were certain, life would be really boring.

Josh said...

Ya, what he said.

And...no, what he said. He being "papa". I'll go with what he said, in his last paragraph.

Jenna said...

Agh, I feel your pain, lady.
Not much more to say other than that.
I feel you.
Keep striving.

Grammy said...

I also know for sure that there is a God who loves us and is aware of our trials.

For many years of my life, I wasted alot of energy trying to take control of my own life. I have come to the conclusion that that's not possible. Now I just do the best that I can and recognize that God is the one who is in control and since He is so much smarter and more capable than I am, it feels comfortable to leave it in His hands.

Heather said...

I love the counsel both my parents gave. I wonder if they know that you're one of my dearest friends. In the waiting, I have only a hug to give you, and to echo what they said. He is there. He knows. The atonement paid for even the pain we experience while waiting.