I AM the center of the universe.

Everything DOES revolve around me.

And, yes, I DO light up your life.

The Plan

So I think I'm going to move to Boston! No, I don't have a job there yet. No, I don't have a place to live there yet. No, I have not yet put more than 1 hour's worth of effort into finding either, but Boston just sounds like it would be a great, fun, exciting-but-not-too-exciting place to live.

And I'd like to leave today, please - I have deadlines approaching. :)

The secret to ROCKING the Astro Blaster...

...is to hold the laser RIGHT in front of your face, as I demonstrate here.

And, um, I loved Disneyland. :) I kind of wasn't sure that I would love it - I tend to be fairly cynical about big commercialized money-making machines, and Disney, uh, makes a lot of money. And they sell TONS of stuff. But it was REALLY different to BE there, and to SEE the kids get excited and to FEEL what Walt was going for when he conceptualized this idea in the first place - a place where kids and parents can have fun together. And, ya know, I'm an adult, right? But yes, I did multiple rides multiple times, and yes, I DID run back in line immediately after getting off California Screamin' AND the Tower of Terror. And I got my picture taken with Mickey, and it was a little magical, even tho I KNEW there was a person inside, probably even a female person.

One moment that pretty much captured the new feeling that I have for Disneyland was when Crista and I got off the Tower of Terror after our third ride (and we would have gone back for a fourth, but the Electrical Parade was starting and it was our last night there and I hadn't seen it yet) and there was a family of four that had been on the same ride as us, and it was their first time on it. And the kids seemed to have enjoyed it, but the dad was TOTALLY cracking up - it was obvious he had LOVED it! And Crista said something like, "Walt would LOVE that - that the dad liked it more than the kids did!" She said, "Kids need to see their parents like that." And I think it's a cool thought, and it makes me rethink how much I like the Disney commercials where the parent "turns into" a kid while in the park. The adults we saw there, and there were plenty without kids, seemed to be having a really good time. And the adults we WERE there :) had a FANTASTIC time! :) :)

So despite this overly-commercialized THING that I was expecting, I came away instead with a very sweet, tender feeling - a man planned and worked with a very specific family-oriented goal in mind, and I think that's GREAT. And the magic of the movie characters coming to life, and of BEING in Toontown, and of sailing through the Pirates' lair, and of hearing your voice, and your friends' voices, as the audio of a scene in one of your favorite animated movies, and of Crush the sea turtle swimming down this big tunnel that they dug from the ocean to come and talk to you - it IS magical! It's as magical as you allow it to be - and maybe that's the key. :)

So there will probably be more posting about the spring break Disneyland adventure - the driving, the craziness, the finding-out-about-your-friend's-arrest-record, the tears, the wonder, the penny presses, the walking, the reading a book outloud while we stood in line for Star Tours and getting another guy in line intrigued about the story, the rain, the churros, the crowds, the fast passes, the magic, the dreams coming true - but since we got home at 2 this morning and I had to get up early to plan French lessons for today and hence am operating on very little sleep, that posting will not be happening now.

But kids - good times, seriously good times. :)

The verdict is in.

AHEM.

I have been accused, by people close to me but whom I will, in the kindness of my heart and for their own protection, refrain from naming, of wearing clothes simply "to avoid being naked" and not because the clothes look nice or have any redeeming characteristics.

HOWEVER!!

I have received word from one who is, in most universes, the undisputed expert on fashion (and everything else, really, just ask her, she'll tell you) - THE FEMALE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT. A representative of this renowned body wrote, on a birthday card addressed to ME:

"...you dress great!"

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

Other, less eternally-significant comments on the card my students made for me while I was skipping school on my birthday include:

"Thanks for being nice to me, even tho I talk! and talk and talk and talk!"

"thanks so much for putting up with our big mouths! But we love you! your my favorite!"

"Happy B-day Senora Merrill you'r so cool, like a fresh drink in the hot summer beach, don't change you'r funniness!"

"You rock at French so enjoy some fries"

"You are so great at teaching us, you try really hard!" - ?!?!

"Thanks for helping us learn french, and please don't ever leave us with a substitute again!"

I'm like a well-dressed fresh drink in the hot summer beach. Ah yeah, baby. Would you like some fries with that?

My dad ROCKS!

So I found out 2 days ago that my school will NOT be continuing the French program next year - not enough budget $, yada yada yada. They made the best decision they knew how, and I don't blame them for it, and I'm not bitter. Honest honest.

In fact, it's really kind of an exciting feeling! Here is how my dad put it:

Wow! What a great opportunity to design your life!

Freshly minted masters, lotsa experience, no debts, no anchors, an income stream for some months yet, positive support from your previous employer!

99.9% of the population would kill to be in your shoes!

Love,

Dad

And hey - he's right!! So...where should I go?????

"That's it; you're done."

That's what the girl in the Graduate Studies office said to me as I stood there for a second, looking blankly at her, waiting to be told what the next step was. I had just handed her my 8b form, validated by the library administrative office, certifying that I've turned in my thesis for binding (a day BEFORE the deadline) and will hence graduate.

She said those words so lightly.

I felt really smart...

...when I ran out of shaving cream in the shower this morning and then remembered that I had already purchased a new can.

Aaah yeah, baby.

What makes you feel smart?

Years of famine, apparently

The rest of the story:

In fourth period today, pretty much right after the bell rang to begin class, all my students were in their seats, with their hands in the air.

Yup, you guessed it - they all wanted to go get a drink of water. :)

It's kinda fun to have an inside joke with my students.

Third period drought

The back-story:
There is a drinking fountain about six feet from the door of my classroom, so I let kids get a drink pretty much whenever they want, but they DO have to raise their hands and ask.
And also, I have a class of all seventh graders during fourth period.

The story:
During a presentation of new vocabulary in 4th period today, approximately half my students, one at a time, raised their hands and asked if they could get a drink of water. Since I kept thinking that they were raising their hands to answer my questions about the new vocab, I kept calling on them and having the flow of class totally interrupted. GRR. Finally I said, "What is the deal?! Was there a DROUGHT in 3rd period today??" to which all my students, at the top of their voices, responded, "YES!" So I said, half-kidding, "Shall we just ALL go get a drink??" to which all my students, at the top of their voices, responded, "YES!"

So we took 3 minutes of class time for them to quietly pile into the hall and get a drink, which is fine with me, if it allows class to carry on without 25 individual requests to go get a drink.

I was attempting to restart class by saying, "Now that we're all well-hydrated..." when one of my students piped up, "Now I have to go to the bathroom!"

...

Sometimes stuff just STINKS.

Yesterday I was bugged at:

• boys
• traffic
• staying at work too long and getting too little done
• being hungry

Today I am bugged at:

• my crappy lesson plan for today
• hitting the snooze button too many times
• snotty students who won't stay on task in class

BUT - I saw my aunt as Aunt Martha in "Arsenic and Old Lace" last night, and she was FABULOUS, just like I knew she would be. And there ARE tasks in my life that ARE getting done. And my first payment for my trip to France this summer is due, which means I am REALLY GOING!

So I guess I can keep on just keepin' on for a little while longer. :P

The rumors are true.

Not sure why this looks retarded when I post it and not when I preview it, but I wanted to get the news out.

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 80% Wonder Woman 72% Supergirl 67% The Flash 65% Robin 54% Spider-Man 50% Green Lantern 45% Iron Man 40% Hulk 35% Batman 35% Catwoman 20%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

DYM should try this game for Laylee's faerie party

Speaking of four-year-olds and sugar and "best ever" and "orbiting patterns," I feel like I should tell you all about the game I played once with my 27-yr-old bro-in-law and several young nieces and nephews. (The BIL is not the dad of these kids.) (Or any kids, for that matter.) It consisted of one of us sitting in the middle of the room and the others running in a circle, or, shall we say, "orbiting pattern," around them, chanting "ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow."

You should get rid of your TV so that you, too, can create treasured family memories like this one.

Thoughts from today, such as they are

1. It is TOTALLY okay that I ate chocolatey-chip cookies for breakfast, because they contained oatmeal, which everyone knows is a breakfast food.

2. Ankle socks are so called because they leave your ankles UNcovered. They are thus probably not the best way to keep said body part warm.

3. That one house that is painted bright yellow with a really bright green striped roof...shouldn't be.

4. One of my roommates moved out today. She moved to a city that is far away. I am NOT happy about this. Some roommates we are glad to see go, but not this one. :(

5. I put in a good, solid work day at my second job today and it felt good. :)

6. Little kids know about love - Laylee wants to marry Magoo, and my 6-year-old nephew said to me the other day, "If you aren't married by the time I'm grown up, we could get married." Well, no, but I do love you, kiddo. :)

7. It really IS all about love. I was reminded recently of a comment made about a language teaching seminar that I worked on almost 2 years ago in a very far away part of the world. One of the participants, in his end-of-the-seminar report, wrote that the seminar was really about creating bonds of love between individuals. I agree. I think most of what we do is, or should be, about creating bonds of love between individuals. Happy day-after-Valentine's Day, I guess. :)

It's gonna be a good day!!

And here's why:

1. I did not have to scrape ice off my car this morning!
2. Even tho I slept until 6:30 instead of getting up at 5 like I wanted to, I STILL got a couple of kick-tushy French lessons prepared! YAY!!
   
3. I did laundry in the middle of the night so my favorite pants are clean clean CLEAN!

And that's enough reasons. :)

Two things

#1 - I missed my blog-iversary four days ago! I've officially been a blogger for a year. Weird. And I remember where I was in my old house (two houses ago :) ) when I felt that feeling that I posted about. And I remember what was happening in my life and in the lives of some of my good friends. It was a crazy, crazy time. :) And now here I am - thesis defended, 6 months into my first year of teaching, getting ready to apply for a PhD program (!!). A year ago I had one less niece, my sister was still in China, my other sis and her family hadn't moved into the state yet, I hadn't made my trip to France yet.

And I'm trying to avoid LOTS of really cheesy cliches right now, about time...and how it passes...and how we grow...and change...and even tho I mean it and it is important, to me and in general, I don't really know how to say it right now without it all coming out sounding like blah-dy blah-dy blah, so we'll just go on to thing...

#2 - I REALLY like BOTH of my jobs! How stinkin' COOL is THAT!?! Seriously, I had a GREAT day at the junior high today, and as I was wrapping up my day and getting ready to go home I thought, "YAY! Tomorrow I get to go to that other job!" I like that. :) I like that I feel prepared and well-placed in BOTH of my jobs. I like that I feel like I can contribute in both my jobs. I like that they are different and so I have a break from each one every other day and so I am still excited to go to each one. :) I like that I get 3 paychecks a month. :) :) It just feels down-to-my-bones GOOD to really ENJOY my work.

And that is all.

Blog out, internets.

And then today...

...after enjoying the feeling yesterday of being all fired about teaching junior high French, I talked today to a member of my grad committee, who is a big name in my field (really big), and he told me of an interaction that he had over the weekend with one of the women in charge of the grant at the university, you remember, the one who requested a copy of my thesis, and she was optimistic about me being involved up there, and so this committee member and I talked about how I will approach getting myself involved up there, and now I am feeling torn.

I mean, I haven't received ANY kind of an offer to go to this university, and yet I am already contemplating if I really want to give up teaching at my school.

I mean, a PhD program is SUCH a big deal, and this would be SUCH a great opportunity for my specific skills, experience, and interest, but I have so much to learn about teaching, and only continuing to teach will help me learn it! And you know, that is why I wanted to teach before doing a PhD anyway - so that I'd have experience dealing with the issues that I instruct the teachers I train as to how to deal with. (did that sentence make sense?) And my teaching experience IS teaching me about teacher development, too - we do it at my school and in my district and it is very validating, since we address so many of the issues that I taught in my workshops and covered in my thesis.

So maybe all this just means that I am on the right track with my plans. Huh.

I'm all fired up!

I just had a GREAT discussion with the other language teachers at my school, and I am feeling renewedly (I know that's not a word) excited about teaching! See, 'cause here's the thing - it's hard to find a balance between all the different aspects of teaching. Plus life. :) I LOVE interacting with my students - they are hysterical, and I think I have a pretty good rapport with them. I enjoy the time that I get to spend facilitating their learning. I even don't completely HATE the time I have to spend grading the assignments that I give them. :) And I am absolutely FANATICAL about updating and storing my lessons plans after I teach every day. These little things I can do.

But I'm feeling that I'm NOT so good at having an overall teaching plan / curriculum and making sure that everything I do fits into that plan. I feel like it's hard enough to grade all their papers and make sure they have something reasonably effective to do in the classroom each day - the thought of taking MORE time to develop my overall grand-scheme long term plan and make sure it fits in with the district, state, and national standards is EXHAUSTING and makes me want to DIE. And as I type this, and LIVE this, I KNOW that it's DUMB DUMB DUMB to go day-to-day, teaching "stuff" and not knowing how - or even IF!! - it's going to get my students to where I want them to be by the end of the day / unit / year. So I struggle.

But during our discussion today I got to see a little bit more from the perspectives of these other two teachers at my school, and now I feel better. I think I "get" a little better now that we are all just doing the best that we can, and that my "best" will keep getting better. I made a statement comparing myself to a French teacher in the district who is SO organized and seems to be SUCH a good teacher, and one of my colleagues said, "And how long has SHE been teaching?" Ok, good point. :) I'm in my FIRST YEAR. I haven't even taught my whole curriculum ONCE yet! So it's ok that I don't have perfectly sculpted lesson plans and flawless speaking tests and exciting culture units yet! But I CAN start NOW to WORK to be excellent! There is more that I CAN do than what I AM doing, and I saw a few of those things today, and was reminded that I KNOW that teaching is a learning process. Thank goodness! :) And, ya know, go team!

"Done" doesn't mean a lot to me these days

I am feeling a little bitter right now, so if you don't like that sort of thing, you may want to come back later.

OK, so remember that whole "I passed my thesis defense without any revisions required" thing? Yeah, well, two weeks later I am collecting the signatures after fixing the formatting issues and two tiny wording issues, and I just found out, about 5 minutes ago, that my department REQUIRES me to do my thesis as an ETD (electronic thesis / dissertation). I had chosen NOT to do that because of some material that I print from an Excel file and some stuff that I am citing but do not have WRITTEN permission from the publisher to include. Basically, it's going to be a pain in the butt, and I don't want to do it and I had already decided NOT to do it...and now I HAVE to do it!

erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg

So one of my committee members is currently, right this moment, signing one of the forms, and then I need the department chair to sign, and then I bring it to the dean's office, and then I start the MADNESS of making it all a pdf.

Can't I just be finished? Will it ever end? I know that sounds melodramatic, but that's how I'm feeling right now! I just keep thinking, "This is the LAST step...ok, now this is REALLY the last step...ok, now for SURE I'll be done after this," and there keeps being MORE. I anticipate that the APA checking people in the dean's office will have some changes in my formatting, and I am mentally prepared for that, but I was NOT anticipating having to recreate a massive Excel file in Word or having to write to a publisher to get permission to use a diagram in my appendixes.

And the whole process takes twice as long for me because I have another job that I work all day every other day, so tracking down people in offices during business hours is something that I can only do every other day, so if it's getting to the end of the day and I'm ALMOST ready for a signature, or I need to check something with an office, it has to wait TWO more days before I can get it done.

This is taking forever and I want it to be over with.

erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg
erg erg

Things that have made me feel like a grown-up recently...

...followed, in parentheses, by the reasons those same things also make me feel pathetic, lazy, or lame.

1. buying a WHOLE BOOK of stamps to send Christmas thank you notes (I haven't sent, or written, them yet)
2. passing my thesis defense with NO REVISIONS (it was a week ago and I still haven't finished the "no revisions" and collected the signatures I need to publish the *&#%@ thing)
3. recognizing, and accepting!, that yes, Margaret, working "full time" DOES mean that I have to get up at a reasonable hour EVERY day and put in a full day's work EVERY day (that has NOT been my life pattern in recent years, which probably explains #2's parenthetical. And heck, probably #1's, too. And probably that whole "I understand eternity because that's how long it took me to write my thesis" thing, too. Ah well.)
   

So there you have it. What makes YOU feel like a grown-up?

SUCCESS!!

I PASSED!! :) :) :)

And not only did I pass, but I got the highest possible marks from all three committee members - the secretary of the department reportedly said that she's only seen that happen ONCE before. !!!!!!!

And not only did I pass with the highest possible marks from all three committee members, but I just found out that there is a university in another state that just got a grant from the government to do the same sort of thing that I did for my Master's project, and...THEY REQUESTED A COPY OF MY WORK! And that is one of the school's whose PhD programs I was looking into for 2 or 3 years down the line, but if I have the chance to work on this federal grant, I might do that sooner rather than later! AAAHHH!!

And my mom, from whom I inherited an obsession for nice writing utensils, was so excited about my scores (grades? marks?) that she immediately went and got me a beautiful new pen. :) And I'm carrying it around in my pocket today, chortling to myself every time I think about how well everything went yesterday.

I'm sure I'll write more about the defense soon, because it was a very interesting experience for me, but I just wanted to get the news out. :)