No results yet

So when I finished my prelims 2 weeks ago today I was told that the faculty have 2 weeks to grade them, and that some of them would take the entire 2 weeks, and that I would get an email with the results when they'd all been graded.

...

So...

...any minute now?

And I have all these really cool thoughts about prelims that I want to record and remember - about the studying process, and what the week was like, and the priesthood blessing I got the Sunday before they started, and how I didn't panic all week, and how t.i.r.e.d. I was that whole week even though I slept good hours and ate good meals, and how just COOL it was to realize that I KNOW STUFF about my field...

And I really wanted to write these thoughts all out before I get my results, since the really good feelings about it all are NOT connected to my results since, did I mention that I haven't gotten my results yet?

So here's the quick summary, since I'm tired and I want to go to bed. :)

I felt good about my prelims. :)

I think the hardest part was between exams (there were 4 different exams, 4 days in a row), when I realized how much adrenaline had been pumping through me during the exam itself and when I thought about needing ANOTHER and then ANOTHER and then ANOTHER chunk of that same amount of energy to just power through each exam.

Were the exams hard? Well, yeah, but I also feel like I was pretty well-prepared. I took time at the beginning of each exam, after I had read the question, to outline and organize my thoughts about the topic, and to list who I was going to cite to make my points, and guess what?! I HAD thoughts to organize for each topic and I HAD people to cite - I didn't blank out, which was cool! - I know some stuff! :) And then after outlining, it was a matter of writing as fast as I could to just power through the rest of the 3-hour block of time for that day. THAT was exhausting.

I felt REALLY blessed during the last 10 days of prep and the week of the exams. I know that a lot of people were praying for me - THANK YOU!!! - and I really felt crazily calm about it all, which was a HUGE deal to me. I was given some really meaningful counsel in the blessing that I got before the exams, and that was a great way to start the week and good guidance throughout.

Anyway, this isn't all that I wanted to record about this time period, but some of it will go in my journal, and I may share more here later.

But now I need to go to bed...so that I can get up in the morning...and check my email...

:)

Typoo

Proofreading is a good idea. I almost just sent an email with the subject line "A Poo equipment overdue."

It was supposed to say, "AV Pool equipment overdue." Sometimes this keyboard bugs the L out of me.




heehee

shots from today

One of the labbies at work was getting to know a fancy camera today, and thus we have preserved this:

...shirt I bought in Abu Dhabi when our luggage didn't arrive and I didn't want to wear my "I've been wearing this for 24 hrs of traveling" clothes to meetings at the university, new haircut that I am LOVING, aaaaaannnnnddd...dumb expression. Terrif.

And this:


...action shot of me and the pizza. ?!?

For the love.

For your midnight snacking pleasure: a bit of nostalgia

So it's 12:07 am and that means it's Sunday, and since I don't study on Sundays, that means I'm done with my prelim studying.

Read those last 6 words again, please, and see if they register with you a little more than they register with me as I think, type, and read them.

And also, it's after midnight, as I've already noted, which means that my emotions are a little closer to the surface than usual (no, I'm not crying) (Jer), so humor me while I wax nostalgic here for a minute.

I've been preparing for prelims for almost 2 and a half years now, since September 2008. As first year students my cohort (now my dear, dear friends) and I were warned to start preparing immediately, there was a lot to read. And there was, and we did. We had a very consistent study/reading group that first year. It petered out a bit second year, as we realized we were on different schedules for the actual date of prelims (I'm the last one of that cohort to take them; Arabic classes put me a bit behind in my other coursework), but even this previous semester, when I was the only one still preparing, we have met every couple of weeks and talked about their dissertation proposals and pilots and my prelim prep. They've talked me out of (and into :) ) panic on multiple occasions and been THE. MOST. FABULOUS. supporters and cheerleaders and co-conspirators that a grad student could ask for.

And now my exams start Monday. There will be four 3-hour exams, Mon-Thurs, and then I'll wait for ~2 weeks to find out if I pass or if I have to retake any of the portions (in May).

It's just crazy -- all this time, all this reading, all this trying to understand, to reason, to remember, to put things together in my head, to not doubt my abilities to understand, reason, remember.

The last couple of days, and especially today, I've felt a difference in my reading and reviewing and comprehension. I feel like I FINALLY (only now?! ;) ) understand what I should be looking for as I read a theoretical piece or a research article. I'm finally seeing some of the big pieces in my field and how they fit together. And I feel like--let's just get this prelim thing over with already! :)

And yet with all that is a bit of nostalgia--is this really happening? Is the dread of prelims really going to be a thing of the past in just a few days? Am I really one of those students who does this, who makes it to this point, who TAKES PRELIMS, for goodness sake?? This is a big deal, a big step. It's been pretty emotional to talk to my family and friends about it -- there's so much emotion and insecurity tied up in my confidence in myself, in my fear that I actually CAN'T do big important things or ever be an expert in anything.

When I was taking a little study break earlier I found this, from a post back in 2006 when I was working (and working, and working) on my Master's thesis:

I have realized recently that the good feeling [that I had posted about the day before] is NOT that I am working on my thesis. The good feeling is PROGRESSION. The purpose of my life is NOT to finish this dang thesis, THAT is not why I feel so much better when I work on it. The purpose of life is to PROGRESS. And I have NOT been doing so the last I-refuse-to-admit-how-many months -- I was allowing my thesis-writing, or lack thereof, to be exact, to hold me back, to "damn," or "dam," my forward progress. But [...] I have broken through that "wall" and can now move forward. And right now, moving forward means getting the thesis done. Here I go!

I think that's part of what I'm feeling now -- this is the next step for me, it's progression, and it is scary, but good. And I'm happy that I'm doing it. :)

So it's really interesting to be here, now, to feel like, for better or for worse, I'm taking prelims the day after...today, and people? I'm ready. (And fine, now I'm crying. :P) I don't know everything, but I know quite a bit of "stuff," and I hope and pray it's enough, and deep down I feel like it is. It's still scary--they may, they probably will!, ask me something that I really have to dig and stretch to be able to say anything about, but I'll write something, and I'll turn it in, and...life will go on. And maybe in a few weeks I'll wonder what the big deal was. Maybe. ;)

And I haven't cleaned this up yet:




But hey, it's past midnight (did I say that already?) and I'm going to bed.

Besides, I'm not quite ready to say good-bye yet.

This is what's up

So I'm studying for my PhD prelims exams. Other programs might call them quals, or something else, but we call them prelims, and they are the HUGE exams that we have to take (well, not just take, but also PASS), before we can officially do dissertation stuff. Did I mention that they are huge? And scary? And start on Monday?

Yeah.

So I've been back from Christmas break since Friday night and studying (or attempting to study) since then. And it has has NOT been awesome the last couple of days. I hit a point yesterday, as my wise past-quals BIL warned me I would, where I realized I was getting limited returns on my study efforts - my brain was full, and trying to hammer more in there was not working. And I was really worried. So I kinda took 23 hrs off. eep. Not really intentionally, or premeditatedly, but...yeah.

BUT!!

I had a break-through tonight! I FINALLY started doing what I should have been doing all week, but was too scared and felt too unprepared to do - drafting outlines to previous prelim questions, to see how I would have answered them, and tying all these ideas and theories together. I've been DREADING doing this, because any time I've read a previous prelim question I've TOTALLY PANICKED because I have had NO IDEA how I would answer it! And that happened today, too, but I guess I am finally at a point where I decided I had to muscle through that, so I did and guess what?! I know some stuff! :) I'm writing down the references that I can think of off the top of my head, and how I would tie them in, and then I'm looking up more (from among my reading list - nothing new at this point - good heavens!), and...

IT'S FUN!!!!!

Bwahahahahahahaaa!!

One thing that's been really worrying me is that I've been feeling like I know so few research studies that I can reference along with all the theoretical stuff, but in doing this outlining-and-looking-things-up thing I am finding that I only need small prompts to remember studies that I've read and analyzed, so that's been a HUGE relief - woohoo!

So I'm feeling lots more hopeful and relieved and I think I'll actually be able to sleep ok tonight instead of lying awake worrying about everything I DON'T know. (You should try that sometime...actually, no, don't.)

AND I'm actually looking forward to studying tomorrow - more fun!

All of which goes to show that I really like my field (which I initially typed as "fiend" - Freudian, anyone?), or that I'm up too late.

Good night.

The price you have to pay

Wading in the [in the US: Persian, here: Arabian] Gulf in December while my friends are buried in snow: Priceless

Having sand in my socks for the rest of the day: TOTALLY worth it. :)

P.S. I'm not ready to go home yet. This place--this experience--is just incredible!

Hey - I'm in Paris!!

We made it to Paris - phew! This was after our flight to Minneapolis was canceled (…the day before we were to fly, but we didn't find out until we arrived at the airport; apparently they got some snow, or something? ;) ), and we got rerouted through Detroit and the Dulles airport in DC on our way to Paris, where we'll get on our original flight to Abu Dhabi in a couple of hours. We ran through Dulles - "it's not far," the airline lady told us about our gate, so we ran through hallway-escalator-hallway-BUS!-escalator-hallway and finally made it, barely!, on the flight to Paris! (I think "it's not far" will be one of the jokes from this trip - we've already used it once since then. :) ) One of the flight attendants saw us coming down the entryway hall thingy, and must have been able to tell how harried we were, because he moved to block the doorway, with a big smile - "I'm sorry, we've taken the final passengers!" When I teased him back in French that that wasn't nice, he then tried to tell me that this was actually a flight to Mexico. :)

So I've been able to use my French a little, and even! a little Arabic! Very little. :) We sat next to a nice Frenchman, and in getting to know each other a bit, J (the prof I'm traveling with), said that she speaks German, and in German she said, "and a little Swahili." And our new friend said something in German and then, in Arabic, said, "Do you speak Arabic?" And I said "Na'am!" and then tried to say something else - FAIL - and we went back to English. :) Ah well. :)

So one more pretty long flight, after not much sleep the night before departure (ask me about my new hairdryer sometime) and not much sleep on the flight to Paris, and then, luckily, we arrive in Abu Dhabi in the evening, and "sleep" is the first thing on my agenda. :)

So the plan is:
Monday - meetings with big names at the university and visiting classes
Tuesday - a speech by J and 2 poetry competitions (no I will not be competing :P )
Wednesday - a tour of Abu Dhabi, more class visitations, and another speech by J
Thursday - tour of Dubai!
Friday - 2am departure back to the States

Woohoo!

Just in case you forgot...

...this is what I look like when I'm talking:


And also - this:


And for those of you who need it - photographic evidence that I DON'T actually talk ALL the time:

The end.

Sharing

A beautiful poem by a dear friend - here.

Enjoy.

They learn so young. Or something.

I was chatting with my namesake-niece on the phone last night, asking her about her first couple of weeks in Young Women (she just turned 12 - !!!!!!!!!), and she said something about how since next week is a combined activity with the young men that means the girls will have to, groan, be in the same room as the boys for the mid-week activity.

Me: C'mon, boys aren't THAT bad.

My namesake-niece (who just turned 12, remember!): I have to hate boys now, because in a few years I won't have that option.

Ahem.

Wow.

and now...good-bye for 2 months

I just officially registered to take my PhD exams (we call them "prelims" here) in January. Two months from this week.

I'm frightened. I have my schedule of what I need to read and study, and it's a LOT. And will take a LOT of time. And my friends who've already gone through this process and passed prelims have told me that I need to give up on having balance in my life until after prelims are over.

Sigh.

And I've been feeling a little of this recently.

Send help...??

So...being lifelike is a GOOD thing??

And I quote Shylina, about some game called "Animal Crossing":

"If I wanted to play a game where I'm constantly in debt, I'd just live life."

Don't we all?!

Me: Wow! One of the students in my program got a $12,000 grant to support her dissertation research!

My supervisor: That's awesome! I LOVE $12,000!

Weeping and wailing and...what? Oh.

I just got a phone call from my sister, and I panicked--I couldn't understand a blessed word she was saying! She sounded garbled - like she was sobbing uncontrollably or there was something horrendous happening in the background. Possible explanations flashed through my mind as I left my office and ran to a place with better cell phone reception - her husband lost his job? Got a better job? One of the kids got hit by a car? She broke her leg??

None of the above.

She was laughing. Uncontrollably.

She just called to say that she got my email with this link in it.

Well. I'm so glad she enjoyed it. :)

Jealous, shmealous

Me, showing off my yummy dinner to my roommate: You should be jealous of me!

Her: I'm eating bacon right now.




Well, dang. I take it back.

AND ALSO!!! My 9-year-old nephew can recite the "Betty Botter" poem. IN PIG LATIN. I'm just sayin'...

Tree hugger?

Me: If I save paper by printing 4-pages-to-a-page but ruin my eyesight trying to read it, is that an overall win, or an overall loss?

My supervisor: It depends on how much your eyes would help the environment later.

Location, location, location

I was there Monday:

He was there Tuesday*.

Doesn't that make me famous?

Or something?

...please...?

*Click "gallery" in the bottom right corner of the picture, and then click to picture #17. It's the same podium, I swear.

Thanks for the picture, Jae! :)

Reason #1,900,889 that I completely adore my family

My aunt, my dad's sister, sent out the following email:

Because of an unfortunate event involving a demonstration of water safety to horses, my phone drowned. My new number is .... It's a Verizon cell with a two year sentence.

The horses did not snicker out loud.

My dad responded with:

I'm sorry, but you cannot leave the story like this.

I can picture you lending your cell phone to a horse who, texting while water skiing, ran into a wombat in a canoe being chased by a feral chicken. I can see the chicken, distracted, catching the cell phone dropped by the horse and, preferring a live cell phone to a wombat sharing a canoe with a horse, crossing the road and disappearing from human ken with your phone. But why would this cause your cell phone to drown?

I can also picture another, less likely, scenario, which ends up with your cell phone breathing its last (with a smile on its face) in a vat of molten (not moulted - that is a detail that goes with the other story) Ghirardelli chocolate.

Which of the two happened? And did you really mean drown, or did it just run off with some chick?

:) :)

Happy Vacation, people! :)

So there pretty much isn't anything cuter than my 4-yr-old niece strutting around in her little blue jeans and pink sunglasses. And I do mean strutting. Pretty much makes me want to die...of...her cuteness...

So here's what I've been up to:

- one week at sister #3's house in central CA with her and her 4 kids, Mom and Dad, and sister #4 and her 2-yr-old. 900 degrees outside--ugh.
- two weeks with sister #4 in southern CA. 60 degrees outside--aaah.
- now--partway through another two weeks with sister #3 and her fam
- then--2 weeks in UT with the parentals and sister #1 and her 7-yr-old

WOOOHOOO! :)

So there's been a lot of the following:

- being pleasantly awoken (waked up?) by cheery little 2- or 4-yr-old faces and giggles :)
- snuggling with small, and not so small, children at bedtime and in the morning and at random times during the day
- reading books to some of my favorite people on the planet
- enjoying air conditioning, someone else's cooking, and garden-fresh produce
- otter pops :)
- thinking, thinking, thinking
- organizing sister #3's house. Heehee! :) You think I'm kidding, maybe, but I'm not. I suggested that we do some big project while I'm there (here), since having another adult around can be really helpful. So she suggested, giggling, that we reorganize her ENTIRE HOUSE--new containers for things, labels, the whole shebang. Woohoo! :) So far we've done her junk drawer, the games/linen closet, and her walk-in closet. SO FUN! :) I just hope I don't get burned out of cleaning and organizing such that I won't want to unpack into my new apartment when I get home.

Um, what else? OH! Girls night in southern CA with Sarah and my sis, and dinner with her and Nathan and cute little Molly. Molly and my niece are almost the same age, and pretty much totally hilarious together. Friends like Sarah are rare, and hence a treasure.

OK, I'm off to shower and clean a closet and shuttle kids to playdates. :)

Gardening

So my sis has a garden. Well, ok, ALL of my sisters have gardens. But this afternoon my 2-yr-old niece and I walked toward the garden of my niece's momma, the sister of mine that I'm currently visiting, who has a garden. Ya with me?

And she was coming toward us, from the garden, with 2 little round squash (squashes? squeesh?) in the pocket of her hoodie. Her squash plants have been transplanted twice this season, due to some unforeseen circumstances, and my sis has been worried that they're not doing too well, so she explained that she picked those two squash, which are a little small for picking, in order to allow the plant to put all its energy into recovering from the most recent transplanting experience, rather than into producing those squash.

And I thought...I wonder how often Heavenly Father does that to us, and we don't recognize that that's what's going on. We think, "Hey look, I'm producing this great fruit!" and then He picks that fruit, takes it from us, and we mourn, not recognizing that what He has in mind is for us to be bigger stronger plants.

(And as I'm writing this, I feel like it sounds like I'm really depressed, but I'm not. :) It was just a cool thought, and I thought I'd try to capture it in writing before I lost the feel of it. :) And I'm not sure I captured the real feel of it, but there you go.)

They ARE listening...

My sister wasn't feeling well, and said, "oh I feel like poop on a stick." Her precocious 2-yr-old copycat daughter said, "Yeah, yeah, poop on a stick."

heehee

Too corny

I was jokingly praising myself for doing such a great job shucking the corn for dinner and my BIL Chris said, "Yeah, Margaret. You really shuck."

Um, thanks?

scheduling

Haircut: check
Returned stack of library books: check
Arranged ride to the airport: check
Got new calling in the YW presidency: check
Wrote last check to pay off bed: check (pun not intended, but still oh-so-clevah)
Packing for 7-week vacation that starts tomorrow: no way, Jose.
Packing so that I can move out of my apt the second I get back here in August: ugh. I still have to do my bathroom, bedding, and all the "little things" that get left to the end, which then take 3 boxes and 14 hours to pack. :P But my aforementioned ride to the airport gets here in 12 hrs, so I can't take longer than that. ;)

Happy summer, everyone!

It really is uncanny...

Yesterday I woke up with a stuffed and runny (yes, BOTH) nose. Apparently the boy-going-through-puberty voice that I've had for the past week was NOT just from talking too much. :P

The uncanny thing is...guess what I did the day before yesterday?

Made an appointment to get my hair cut next Monday.

I didn't think they were allowed to coexist...

My sister knows...

...these people. Those are her friend's kids.

And yes, the baby really is duct-taped to the window.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!





heehee

Um, okay...

So if you have multiple bumper stickers on your car, and one of them says:

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

...and another says:

Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

...then you should know that the latter makes it hard for me to take the former, or really anything about you, seriously.

Just so you know.

Sean Voyage

So yesterday marked the departure of a good friend. He finished his Master's degree and left town, moving on to life as a, um, grown up?, with, you know, a "real job."

He has certainly left his mark on those of us who knew him here, if not for his good heart, good work ethic, and cheerful attitude, then certainly for lines like this:

"It's really hard to hide things under the bathroom signs at the State Capitol Building."

He would know.

We'll miss you, Sean.

This really touched me today.

http://itswhatmakesmeme.blogspot.com/2010/03/worst.html

It's about the daughter of a friend of a friend of mine, and I wonder--how often does that happen with us and our Heavenly Father? How often are we in the middle of a trial, and He's trying to help us, with all the resources available to Him, and He KNOWS He CAN help us, and we struggle and cry, "I can't breathe!" as we gasp, frantically for air? And then, eventually, finally, desperately, we listen, and we hear, and we breathe His healing, and we are OK, as He knew we would be.

Maybe the lesson is:

Struggle less; listen, hear, and BREATHE more.

You might be in the south if...

A friend of mine recently got back from a trip to Tennessee. This is an ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPH she took down there.


And that's all I have to say about that.

Delivery!!

I received these in the mail yesterday...


Hee hee!!!! knee-high, awesome colors, super soft, and accompanied by a hilarious note from my dear aunt, and the best part is...

They're...


That means I can wear them with ANYTHING!!

And oh baby, I plan to. :)

Thanks, Aunt Cathy!!!

Happy summer vacation!

So it's been a week now.

heehee

To celebrate my freedom from classes I have...

• read a good stack of books--fun books, not school books, just to clarify ;)
  
• watched a few movies
• stayed up WAY too late too many nights
• submitted a research proposal that got turned down :(
• found out about 2 As in classes from last semester :)

... and decided to maybe move to CA for the summer???

How's your summer going so far?

I just...

...turned in my last paper of the semester. It was the right length, and I had a topic. And sources. And on the way to print it out and turn it in it occurred to me that I might not have actually SAID anything in it.

Oh well.

And I called several members of my family to celebrate and none of them answered.

I feel like spending a lot of money.

Those two facts are not related.

I think.

Check these out!

Something to inspire you:

http://www.hopefullymormon.blogspot.com/

Something to cheer you up, and other people, too:

http://operationbeautiful.com/

A way to make a difference:

http://tippingbucket.org/

Current status--updated:
--> Arabic final--over. Ugly, but over. I only left 2 blanks. :)
--> 4 pg essay--done. Ugly, and I'm kind of embarrassed that I turned it in like that, but done.
--> 10 pg paper--done. I think it was actually pretty ok. :)
--> 7 pg paper due in 20 hrs--have some sources. Topic? not so sure.
--> Blog--updated. Sigh. :P

Happy finals to you, too.

It just got louder in the library (people JUST getting out of bed, or lunch time??) so I turned up the volume on my Pandora. Think it'll help?

Ugh ugh ugh ugh

Current status:
--> Arabic final in 23 hrs--not ready
--> 4 pg essay due in 27 hrs--at 3 pgs, but too many more sections to write, will need to trim a lot
--> 10 pg paper due in 27 hrs--umm...have sources, and outline...
--> 7 pg paper due in 3 days--eep. Maybe have topic? maybe a few sources?
--> Blog--updated. At least I have my priorities in the right place. :P

send help

P.S. One possible reason that my status is as stated above.
P.P.S. The aforementioned reason has to do with the CONTENT of the comic, not the fact that I am reading the archives of an online comic while my finals are in such a sorry state...
P.P.P.S. send help

He's right.

My brother-in-law, that is.

See, his wife, my sister, likes to share with the family the cute things her kids say.

She wrote:

"[Four-year-old daughter] just asked me, 'Mom, have you ever noticed some babies just have one hair?'

We were reading Horton the Elephant (one of [four-year-old daughter]'s favorites). On the last page she piped up, 'We don't have elephant birds around here.'"

And because I am always interested in both sharing my knowledge of flora and fauna and gaining new knowledge, I responded:

"No, I believe they are native to Argentina, and are a close relative of the feral chicken. Right, Dad?"

And my esteemed father, also always oh-so-willing to share his, ahem, extensive knowledge, wrote back:

"Margaret, of course, is right.

It´s that old saw about opposites attracting.

Moonlit nights - soft background music - and chickens and elephants just find each other irresistible.
Generally, it is culinarily irresistible - feral chickens have a tremendous, gigantic, enormous weakness for elephant steaks.

But sometimes, in the springtime, the hens fall for the big guys in a serious way."

And then my bro-in-law:

"You people are all totally, irrevocably, certifiably insane.

It's so good to fit in."

And he's right. :)

Don't hide your light...

So I have a paper due in 4 hrs and 49 minutes, and oh, it'll be done by then. :)

But I just saw a guy from the class for which that paper is due, and we were talking about the presentation of our papers, which will be in class tonight, and how we have a very limited amount of time to present, and I made a crack about how "I talk so fast that I can fit 20 minutes of content into 1o minutes" and he agreed, and then he said the following (he's a native speaker of English, btw):

You know, you should take pride in the fact that you are one of very few native English speakers that I have a hard time understanding...not all the time, just sometimes.

Um, really? I should take pride in that?! I'll have to think about that...

But under the circumstances, with only 10 minutes to present some pretty interesting material, I'll just be grateful for this "talent" and move on with life. :)

The end of a streak

Today is the first time in one month that I have worn a hoodie in public. And yes, it has a little something to do with this item of clothing that I got for my birthday one month ago. But I still felt it was worth noting. :)

And also - remember this presentation? Well it was today, and we got a few laughs. :) And then leaving class, a classmate not in my group muttered to me, "Congratulations. Yours is DEFINITELY going to be the best one." And another student, who is in that guy's group, said, "I resent that lack of confidence in our abilities!" And the first guy said, "it's not going to be better than THAT!" :) heehee

Pondering on my fingernails (don't you?!)

So at the potluck last night my friend H complimented me on my brown (freshly-applied) nail polish, and while I thanked her and told her how much I, also, enjoy my chocolate-colored fingernails, I also pointed out the spot that had gotten chipped-already, gol-dern-it!, and her sweet, spontaneous response was:

"You don't need to show me your imperfections. I like you anyway."

Thanks, H, I needed that right then. And not just about my nails. :)

And speaking of my nails, as I sit here considering the next step in the preparation of a paper that is due Wednesday and the presentation of said paper, for which I have to do a trial run in front of one of my classmates in 1 hr and 30 min (and the # of Powerpoint slides I have right now = 0), I find myself filing my nails as an aid to concentration. I was doing this in my lab several years ago, and a dear friend commented on it, and I said, "filing my nails helps me think," in response to which he simply looked again at my nails, which were fairly long at the time, implying, because I don't think he would have said it aloud, that there must not be much thinking going on, if they were that long. :) Well guess what, Jeff? They're short now!! :P

Do we think my prof would allow me to use that as evidence that I did put at least some thought into this paper?!

Sigh

Al-hijab

I just spent all day with a group from my Arabic class, filming our final presentation. We did a TV morning news show, and one of the parts I wrote and recorded was a (spoof) commercial for hijab. We thought we were very clever, even if we couldn't get all our jokes to go smoothly into Arabic. :)

So if you show up in our class on Tuesday, you might see a little of this...

Ask and ye shall...

...get a five-day extension on a paper!

YAYAY!!

And also -

phew

And now, back to work.

Retail therapy??

After discussing some other topics in a gChat convo with Jeremy:

me: have i mentioned that dan and i broke up?

a month ago

Jeremy: no way

do I need to get my gun?

5:09 PM me: and then we had the grad student symposium that I was co-in charge of. i've been so swamped but its catching up to me and I'm REALLY frightened for the THREE papers i have to do in the next 15 days.

no. it was mutual. we both got the same answer. but it still sucks.

we were best friends for more than a year and dated for 6 months of that.

5:10 PM Jeremy: ok, but I could still get my gun

plz?

me: so it's just weird.

Jeremy: what, my gun?

me: do you HAVE a gun?

lol

Jeremy: not yet, so I need an excuse to get one

me: oh

then by all means.

Jeremy: cool.

I can't wait to tell brooke

me: lol

Jeremy: about the gun, not your breakup

me: right :)

You've got the right idea, Jer. Shopping does make everything better. ;)

Today's status

Desperately trying to find sources for a paper that is due in one week. Yes, I'm THAT awesome.

And I wear my jean jacket every day. I am also THAT awesome.

pj pants (because I was cold) + t-shirt (because it was comfy) + skirt (because it was Sunday) =

"Margaret, Heavenly Father thinks you look ridiculous."

Thanks so much, Amber.

And no, I didn't leave my house like that.

Posted with permission :)

Barbi bought Jorden some new summer clothes and he was really upset.

Why was he so upset, you ask?

"Mom," he wailed, "why did you have to buy me new clothes??? Why couldn't you buy me beef jerky???"

I like that kid. :)

From anotha motha?

My new bff, A, said this yesterday, while talking about a faculty member with whom she works closely:

I love her like my mother. Well, I don't really love her like my mother, I love her like other people love their mothers. My mother is special.

Mine too. :)

Should I be concerned...

...that my usually extremely rational father is almost certainly going to buy a Jaguar?? From a Minnesotan hippie named Lyle?!?

So is it a bad sign...

...if my Chinese fortune cookie is EMPTY?!

I can hardly believe it.

I had the following conversation via gChat yesterday, with my symposium co-organizer...

me: we still need to figure out printing nametags, and get copies of the half sheet about the identity panel

Carolina: do you know how all these happened?

the symposium I mean

me: how all what happened?

Carolina: the event

me: do I know how the symposium happened?

Carolina: did we really do this?

me: lol

2:34 PM Carolina: anyway, we'll figure out the name tags

me: yeah I kinda can't believe its all come together :)

And seriously, I kinda can't believe it. All the panic, all the work, all the embarrassment for not having started working on it earlier, the grant proposals, the pleadings for help, the emails drafted a million times before sending, the coordination with committee chairs, the GRATITUDE when people took assignments and ran with them, going over the budget, going over the budget AGAIN, ordering supplies, publicity, registration, volunteers...it's all almost over. The symposium is tomorrow. Tomorrow and Saturday. We have a location, we have people coming to speak, we have people coming to listen, and we have food. Sounds like it's gonna be just fine. :)

Self-portrait

Here's hoping that getting a haircut can also ward off mental illness...

I ate breakfast.

I woke up in a panic this morning, after having nightmares about the symposium*. Such a panic that I couldn't get out of bed for a while, couldn't admit even to that extent, the getting-out-of-bed extent, that the week was starting because I couldn't bear the thought of what it might bring. And then I did get out of bed, said a desperate prayer for help, and got dressed. And texted my best friend to say, "will you please text me every night around 8 or 9 and make sure I've eaten?"

'Cause I just know I'm going to forget, and that's not going to help anything.

*I'm one of two co-chairs/organizers of a graduate student symposium that will take place on my campus this weekend. We've been planning it for about a year, and will have presenters and attendees from all over the country. It's been a TON of work, and the work's not over yet, and, apparently, I'm panicked.

Snow?!

Are you KIDDING me?! First three days of torrential downpour and now snow?! This must be payback for having temperatures in the high 70's over spring break last week. :) Just in time for my parents to visit. :) :) And for my birthday. :) :) :)

In other news...my head is about to explode. But next Friday and Saturday is the graduate student symposium for which I am one of the co-chairs, and after that I'll be able to breathe again.

Breathe and write three 10-12 pages papers in the next two weeks.

Ah life. :)

Sometimes I take cool pictures.

I'm really enjoying this one right now.


P.S. That's San Diego in January. I only wish I lived there.

For the birds. Or something.

I got a fun visit from these folks - hoorah for family events that bring my friends into my state!!

We went to the zoo...

...and maybe had a little too much fun...


Did I mention I cut my hair and got glasses? Yup.

Mouse count

= 4

Unless that first one that Dan and I accidentally let go in the driveway got back in and got caught again. In which case:

Mouse count = 3

Which is still pretty yucky.

Apparently he says stuff like this all the time. Whatever that means.

Actual conversation, as reported to me by Dan:

Chaz: I didn't expect to see you so clothed!

Dan: What does that even mean?! I'm going to have to think about that for a few days.

Chaz: Oh, you know, it's always a great day for a toga!

The Good, the Bad, and the Really, Really Yucky.

The good:
I got a 100% on my midterm for my Islam class. :) I told one of my classmates, who is also in my Arabic class, that it's been a while since I got 100% on anything, and he said, "What about in Arabic class?" Um, yeah. About that.

The bad:
I AGAIN fought with the phone tree system of a certain wireless company to try to tell them that I DON'T actually owe them $184.68 in early termination fees, since I canceled the contract in less than 30 days. And NOT ONLY do I not owe them that money, but the nice employee that I talked to the last time I fought with their phone system told me he had cleared the charges, so something is messed up, since I am STILL getting threatening letters about how they're going to send me to a collections agency if I don't pay up. AND!!! NOT ONLY should those charges have already been cleared by the last guy I talked to, but even getting to talk to a person is a royal pain!! They sent me THREE different customer service numbers, ALL of which required me to enter my 10-digit phone number to continue. When I entered it, the system said, "That is a not a valid number with our company" and kicked me out. I KNOW it's not a valid number! I'm no longer with your company! The letter that you sent me, WHICH TOLD ME TO CALL THIS NUMBER, acknowledged that I'm no longer with your company! And yet there is no number I can call to get through the system.

Erg.

Obviously I eventually got through. I entered my phone number as 10 0's. Twice. :) And then I selected the menu option about activating a prepaid phone that I (supposedly) purchased at a store. THEN I got a human, who listened to me rant and then told me very nicely that she was with the prepaid department and would be happy to transfer me to the contracts dept. :) But hey - at least she didn't kick me entirely out of the system.

Anyway, moving on.

The Really, Really, Yucky:
It is confirmed that we have a mouse in our house. My roommate told me a few days ago that she suspected it, and I confirmed it. WITH MY OWN TWO EYES. That's right, I saw the nasty little bugger. It was eating one of my potatoes in the pantry. And yes, I jumped backwards and screamed like a girl, which, in fact, I am.

So now we get to put all our food in hard sided containers and set traps and maybe borrow Dan's cat and throw her in the pantry and shut the door and see what happens.

Good times, internets, good times.

Today...

...a colleague and I have a grant application due. It's pretty much getting to be almost done.

...I have an Arabic essay due. It's about half done and due in one hour.

...is the last full day before Dan gets back!!

Plus, this whole new Google Buzz thing...I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I've participated in the narcissistic practice of blogging for a while now (holy crap it's been four years - !!), and we know I use my gChat status bar, but somehow imposing a one-line status on the world, knowing that it's going to show up as "new" Buzz and someone's going to feel obligated to read it, if for no other reason than to get their "unread Buzz" back to zero...feels even more narcissistic. I'm not sure I can handle it. (And is it considered meta-narcissistic if I post on my blog about it??)

Happy Monday! :)

These are not the droids you're looking for.

So my boy is out of town for the weekend :( :( which leaves me with lots of, um, "free" (?) time. You know, all that time every day that I usually spend with him (after my school work for the day is done, of course!) that now I don't get to spend with him because he's several states away. :( So this weekend I get to fill that time with, um, more school work, or late Arabic homework, or house work, or laundry, or late Arabic homework, or my visiting teaching (eep), or even, you guessed it, late Arabic homework. (Ooooh - or grocery shopping!!)

His flight left last night at 7pm. So what, you ask, did I do with all that available evening time???

Yes, that's right. I did.

I went to bed at 7:30pm.

Happy New Year?

"This year needs to be over--I'm so done being hit by cars."

- Elise, who was hit by a car 3 times in 2009

Yeah, I guess we all like to stop traffic...

From the kitchen of Dan

And I quote:

Worcestershire sauce makes meat more beautiful. It's like make-up for women. ... Except not really, because make-up tastes horrible.

Welcome back to school.

I'm starting to get sick. Do we think I could fend it off with a haircut?

I <3 my sister Amy

We just had the following gChat conversation, after I sent a relatively incoherent and babbling email to the family in response to a suggestion about future Christmases, admitting in the email that the incoherence was due to the fact that I was saving all coherent thought for the paper that's due in 7 hrs:

2:46 PM Amy: You know, that email actually made a lot of sense. Does this mean I should be worried about the coherency of that paper-?

2:47 PM

me: i don't think you should be worried about the coherence of the paper, but if you wanted to just WRITE it, that would be terrif.

2:49 PM Amy: Oh, shore!

(That was not "sure," that was, "running for the shore, ain't writin' no more papers this month")

Bwah hahahaha! And her funny...ness is not the only reason I love her, but it shore helps! Um, as in...uh...she lives near the shore...and I'd shore, eh, sure jump in and drown if she wasn't my sis...

Yeah, about that paper.

P.S. And she responded as follows to the family email: "I think we should agree to not decide until AFTER Christmas day, when everything's a little more sensible. Just so Margaret's head doesn't explode before she regurgitates its contents into her papers."

Regurgitating its contents...yes, that would be why this paper is making me feel like I want to BARF.

/distraction

Evidence

If you're going to crawl around like a crazy woman on playground equipment at an amusement park with your friends' kids, I supposed you'd better be prepared to have it documented.

(Yes, I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now; yes, it's due Monday. What do you want from me?!)

December-itis

So it's finals time again, which means that I'm escaping reality (2 papers and 2 finals next week) by blogging - YAY for procrastination?

Except that that's pretty much all I have to say. It snowed here the other day, really snowed, so now we think winter is here to stay. I heard it's gonna be 11 degrees at some point this week. Have I put long johns on my Christmas wish list yet? and boots? I already have an electric blanket, which I turn on high as I'm getting ready for bed so my bed is toasty warm when I get in. Unfortunately, I sometimes (often) forget to turn in down before I fall asleep, so I have crazy dreams and wake up ROASTING in my bed at 2am and THEN turn it down. Good times, good times.

My grandmother passed away a week ago last Sunday, and the funeral was in the west last Thursday, and I couldn't go. I keep hearing about family members who did get to go, and it makes me sad that I missed the chance to see them and to celebrate my grandma's life with them. She was a wonderful lady, and I miss her, but I am glad that she has been released from mortality and can move on. I love her.

I substitute-taught early morning seminary on Friday and Monday, and it was a good reminder of how I want to be in the scriptures more. There is so much peace to be found in the Spirit that is in the scriptures.

So I have begun, sort of, the countdown for tests and paper due dates and my departure for the holidays, and I'm trying to quell the panic and just WORK. Wish me luck! :)

He was totally touching my homework papers with his shoe ON PURPOSE, even though he knew it was bugging me.

Me: Daniel. Seriously. Why are you taunting me?

Dan: Why are you tauntable?

The things you find laying around the English department...

I study language stuff, and this is really funny to me.

heehee

Quick summary of my week

Monday: research proposal application due to the IRB. This is so that data that I gather for a class project this semester can be used for conference presentations or publications.
Also Monday: Arabic essay due. Not written yet. eep. So obviously I'm using my time well by blogging instead of writing it. :P
Tuesday: Meeting in the evening with the finance committee of the student gov't. We will have to 'defend' our request for funding for the symposium that is slotted to be next April, but for which we don't have any funding yet. eep! This meeting REALLY needs to go well!
Thursday: Midterm for my Middle Eastern Studies class.
Also Thursday: Leave after my midterm for a conference in a neighboring state! Two of my colleagues and I are presenting some of our research there. :) :) Unfortunately, we aren't QUITE ready to present yet, tho we are getting closer, and there is a lot of work to fit in this week to get ready for that.
Friday: Arabic test, that I'll miss because I'm at the conference, but will have to take on Monday.
The weekend: Halloween, which is HUGE in the town where I live, AND Stake conference, at which we'll be getting a new stake presidency. I'll still be out of town. :(

Oh, and I almost forgot to add that I still have just the regular homework and reading to do - 3 chapters by Tuesday, 5 articles by Wednesday, and I don't even know what I have to read for Thursday!

Um, wish me luck?? :)

Spelling counts.

I was part of a group presentation in my Arabic discussion section the other day, and I didn't freeze up and die, which was a BIG DEAL to me.

I did, however, make a typo on one of my slides. With one letter I changed the full name of the city of Mecca from "Beloved city" to "Hated city."

Yes, I am just. that. awesome.

So there's this guy... :) :)

His name's Dan, he's 27, from this town where I live now, plays rugby, and can fix anything that could possibly go wrong on a car. He's also punctual (gasp! I didn't know those people even EXISTED!!) and thinks I'm funny and likes to hear my thoughts about stuff and tell me his. :) He loves the temple and honors the priesthood, and amazes me with his insights into the scriptures and his understanding of the Atonement. We've been best friends for about 6 months and dating for a week and a half now, and I'm ridiculously happy about it. :)

Just thought you might want to know... ;)

I go back and forth...

...between being excited for classes and for what I'm going to learn this semester and TOTALLY tired of school. I know this will be a good, growing, stretching, learning, enlightening year, I just hope I have the energy to make it happen. :)

Time with family and friends the last 3 weeks was good...but never enough. I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to - blame it partly on the fact that I was DEATHLY ILL for almost HALF of my vacation time! Ok, fine, not DEATHLY ill, but ill enough that I wanted to die. :) Green stuff coming out my eyeballs, horrible sinus pressure, no voice...yeah, it was pretty awesome. :)

So I came back to school pretty excited to be back, but then not enough time to get settled into the new apartment, or life, again before school started. And I've been messing with my class schedule, so I still feel pretty unsettled. I think I decided today what classes I'm actually going to take, so that is a nice feeling, but I also feel like I'm already behind in Arabic, and I'm gonna have to bust my tail to not get behind in my other classes. The second day and already I'm worried about being behind? That ain't good, people. Maybe I worry too much, ya think? :)

On the other hand, it IS really fun to be back with my friends in this town, and to start to get my head back into this field that I enjoy and have enjoyed so much, and to start to get settled into my cute new house.

And as I flip back and forth between excitement and something close to panic I am reminded of that quote by President Hinckley where he talks about life being like an old-time railway journey - twists and turns, and only occasionally beautiful views and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick, he says, (and this is what I need to remind myself when I feel down,) (this plus "go eat something," :P ) is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.

I feel like this sums it up nicely...

"I really like....not talking to crazy people. It's pretty much my favorite."

- Dan

I don't curse.

And yet my sister says this to me:

I'm sure if you pray to God about things to repent of, He'll bring that to your remembrance.

Um, yeah. I'll get right on that. :P

Is there ANY context in which this makes sense?

"I rarely think of my legs as part of my body."

- A

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is that.

"Pretty much everything in the universe is common sense to me."

- Dan

Pockets are pretty amazing. And so is this line from E.

So he didn't have any of the following with him one day a few weeks ago:

• cell phone
• keys
• wallet

And when asked why, he responded:

Because I put pants on this morning, and they weren't in them.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a reason.

Priorities

After dinner in the dorm cafeteria tonight I went to the commons room in my dorm and while I was reading your blog (yes, YOURS), the ice cream bar that I stole from the cafeteria totally melted.

So I stood over the trash can and slurped it out of its package.

Yes, I totally did.

So there ARE some fun things...

For example, today we had to write sentences using the new vocab for ch 12, and I wrote the following. The bold words are the new vocab.

My day off was great! I missed class, and I didn't learn about the death of my teacher. I was appointed to speak at her funeral.

My teacher even laughed when she read it, and that was kind of a triumph for me. :)

Also, one of the students in my class is still in high school (!!), and she's considering going to college in Scotland, and we had this big (tangential) discussion today about how people in many (most?) other countries don't take great care of their teeth, and she was kind of disgusted. Then later we were answering conversation-type questions, and another student said, in answer to one of the questions, that he ended a relationship once because the girl had Scottish teeth. :) hee hee :)

So it's not ALL totally heinous and painful. :)

My rules for the next ten days

1. Don't panic. You ARE capable of learning this stuff, and you know your mind shuts off when you panic.

2. FOCUS. On Arabic.

And that is all.

WAY more panic today, people!!

So we have two weeks left of this Arabic program, and I alternate between the following:

1) 12 days and 10 hrs until I'm with my nieces and nephews - WAHOOOOOO!!!

and

2) Oh. My. GOSH. I am going to fail in life and die. In five minutes.

See, 2 weeks in this program is HALF A SEMESTER of Arabic left to go. That's a LOT of material. And I STILL don't have a very good grasp on the material from the last two weeks, so I have LOTS of catch up and LOTS of keeping up to do.

help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help helphelp help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help

So...

...apparently the prayers of the internets are not effective :P ;) because my sister and her husband have decided to send their kids to public school.

HOWEVER!!!!

They bought a plane ticket - for ME! - from their town to our parents' town!! So this means that I get to drive across two states with them and their kids and then fly back across those 2 states. And lest you think this would NOT be a fun way to spend YOUR vacation, allow me to remind you that this means that instead of two days with them, I now get THREE AND A HALF!!! WOOOHOOOO!! :)

Arabic, on the other hand, is SERIOUSLY giving me the people's elbow to the face these days. I am WAY behind, and sentences that are supposed to mean something to me...don't. I'm tempted to just "survive" for the next 11.5 days of class...until I remember that that equates to more than half a semester, so I really just need to kick it into gear and catch up and keep up. Wish me luck!

Studying vocab

So I think I've mentioned that I have a lot of vocab to memorize. I haven't? Well, internets, guess what?

I HAVE A LOT OF VOCAB TO MEMORIZE.

It's a frightening amount, and I struggle to get it for every chapter. I have tried different things to help me to remember the sound and the spelling of each word, and since it's always a struggle, I have felt like those things weren't necessarily helping.

Well.

The chapter that we're currently in? I'm TOTALLY not getting the vocab down, and I realized that it's because I changed my studying a little bit. I didn't do for this chapter a technique that I have done with previous chapters, and I can tell that my grasp of this vocab is weaker because of it. So I'll do it today and hopefully I'll know the vocab in time for the test on Friday AND so that I can USE it in conversation, which really is the point of vocab anyway, eh? :)

It just reminded me that sometimes in life we don't realize how important the "little things" really are, and we don't always know how much they are helping, BUT THEY ARE. That one vocab study technique? I wasn't sure it was helping until I didn't use it for one chapter, and THEN I realized how much it helped. It makes me wonder what the "little things" are that I am doing now that are keeping me sane (or as sane as I am ;) ), and I want to make sure I don't neglect any of them. They ARE helping. :)

The stars have aligned...

...and my fingernails are ALL the same nice length AT THE SAME TIME.

I know, it's like a little miracle.

Aren't you glad you came to read my blog today?! :)

So I've come up with two analogies to explain the almost scary cheerfulness that I've been feeling since Monday morning, despite the bad news. Are you ready? Here they are:

#1 - Emotional foreclosure. :) Too much to handle, so we reset the counters.

#2 - Computer freaking out - let's reboot.

Or maybe, really, I just needed to cry and let out some of what I've been bottling up for the last 6 or 7 weeks.

Either way, I'm feeling much better, and I think I'm going to survive. :) Only 13 more days of Arabic class! :)

And on another happy note, my roommate for next year and I turned in an application for a really cute duplex!! YAY! :) I may even get to move my stuff in before I head west for family time! :)

And I talked to my sister again today, and it turns out that since Sunday they have revisited the question of continuing to home school their kids rather than send them to public school, and if they go the home school route the first day of school in the school district won't matter and they'll be at the reunions longer! I know they need to do what's best for their kids, but would it be too much to ask for the entire internet to pray that they'll decide to home school, so I can spend more time with those kids next month?? That's a valid reason to make important decisions about your kids' education and future, isn't it?? ;)

The proverbial straw

Through all the stress of this summer - the Arabic program, the personal stresses, the housing stresses, and let me again mention the Arabic program - there have been 2 things that have been keeping me going through this Arabic struggle. One of them was the family reunions at the end of the summer - one-and-a-half or two weeks with ALL my nieces and nephews. I have been holding on to that as if it would save my sanity these past weeks, and it has.

And last night I found out that one sister and her four kids will only overlap with me at the reunions for TWO DAYS. They just found out the day that school starts in their new school district, and because of that and the end date of my Arabic program, we'll only be together for two days.

TWO DAYS.

I am heartbroken.

I sat in my car last night and sobbed and sobbed and beat my steering wheel and yelled in frustration and sorrow and anger - about this HUGE disappointment, on top of everything else I have been dealing with this summer...it's just too much...and so I think that that bit of news was more than my already-beaten-down little psyche could handle - nothing else will register, and this morning I went to class more cheerful than I have been in days. I can't handle the thought of that small amount of time with them when I was looking forward - for eight months!!! - to so much more time together, so I think I am suppressing the pain and disappointment to the point that it doesn't exist or can't hurt me anymore.

Except when I think about it for more than 2 seconds. Then the tears start again.

I know life isn't supposed to be fair, but after eight months of looking forward to time with them - only TWO DAYS?! Puh-LEASE!!

It's a good thing I'll be with my other two adorable nieces and my other two fabulous sisters and my wonderful parents for longer than that - missing ALL of them would kill me for sure. I just wanted us all to be together for a while...

So Life, if you have any more disappointments or pain in store for me, could you hold off, please? Even just for a couple of months? I'm pretty much operating at capacity right now.

Getting settled in, maybe? :)

So the past few days of this Arabic program I feel like my life has settled into a pattern, and that's a nice feeling. I usually get up early and study, shower quick, grab a quick breakfast of 2 bowls of cereal with fruit and 2 glasses of orange juice :), and go to class. I study vocab on the way to lunch, eat lunch, study vocab on the way back to class. After class I usually walk some - on the bike path or just around - and sometimes call a family member to chat. Then I study / read / nap, then dinner, then studying, then bed. I've been sleeping consistently about 5-6 hrs, which is not a ton, but I'm surviving, and it IS a consistent amount of sleep each night, which I hear is good for you. And I've been consistently reading my scriptures, and spending some good time pondering and writing in my scripture journal and my regular journal, which I also hear is good for you. :)

I have had quite a few days of class recently during which I _didn't_ want to die, so that's been a nice change. :) I'm getting into the habit more of studying and learning and struggling through. Today on the way to class I was panicking a little because this is day 2 on chapter 6, and I STILL didn't have all the ch 6 vocab mastered, and I knew we'd have to actively USE it in class. And I was thinking how frustrating it is that it takes me 3-4 days to be comfortable with each new set of vocab, and yet we only spend about 2.5 days on each chapter, so I'm not comfortable with it by the time we move on to the next set. But then I had a thought that stopped me in my tracks - I DO get comfortable with each set of vocab. !!! :) :) So even if it takes me 3-4 days, it DOES happen, and so these new words ARE and WILL slowly work their way into my vocabulary. I was relieved when I realized that - I've been beating myself up that I can't absorb and assimilate this vocab as quickly as we move through it, but I DO get it eventually, and that was a very satisfying feeling. :)

I also had an AWESOME moment in class today when _I_ was right and the punk kid who is REALLY smart and always seems to be WAY ahead of the rest of us was NOT right, and he complimented me - TWICE! - on figuring out this new concept. :) That was a good feeling, and it's nice to feel like even if there ARE things that I don't catch on to as fast as him, and even if my vocabulary isn't as good as his, and even if he doesn't have to look words up to remember the short vowels, and even if he did memorize the ENTIRE chart of plurals...I am NOT an idiot, and I feel like I proved that a little bit today, to him and to me. :)

Today was a good day. :)

That's pretty much all I have to say, but it's true. :)

I spent all afternoon and most of the evening with some dear friends, and got to vent my stress and discuss solutions and get good counsel.

And I talked to my mom and dad, and was reminded again of why I love them and of how excited I am to see them in just...TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS!! :) :)

Time flies when you're...drowning in Arabic??

So a quick update. Or not so quick - "wait 'til I get going!" (Name that movie to further solidify our friendship...)

Housing: My apartment has been sublet. WOOHOOOOOO!!! That saves me $1200. :) :) Well, $1198, plus utilities. :) I'm very relieved to have that taken care of. This does mean, however, that since I no longer have another home, I officially live in the dorms, for the first time since 1995. :) And I officially park my car at the institute building. :) And I officially have one check left, until I unpack my boxes at the beginning of September and find my next book of checks. So if I tell you "the check is in the mail," it just ain't true.

Arabic...yeah, about that. It's still stressful, I'm still not where I would like to be with it, but it's LOTS better than it was last time I posted, so that's nice. :) And the attitude adjustment that I SERIOUSLY needed? I got it. :) A small part of it had to do with remembering that I ALWAYS take a while to get adjusted to new situations. So I was not adjusted to this intensive Arabic thing, and was feeling bad that I wasn't just loving every second of it. I'm still not loving every second of it, but now I'm feeling more like I will, eventually. :) Of course, the quickest I've ever adjusted to a new living situation was about 2 months...and this is a two-month program. :) So hopefully I'm adjusted and happy before it's over. ;) But I got an 87% on my last test, and I thought I'd done much worse than that, so things aren't looking too bad right now. :)

And people - it's week 4!!! That means that by the end of this week, we'll have done an entire semester of Arabic - CRAZY!!!! It also means I'm almost half done with this program. I know it's just Monday of week 4, but for some reason the weekends are slow and the weeks just FLY, so I feel like it'll be Friday before I know it.

And I went to an AWESOME fireside last night! I was reminded of how much I have to learn, to do, and to BECOME in order to be like my Heavenly Father. (But not in a panicked, stressing out, way, right, E? ;) ) So I'm more motivated than I've been in a while to really WORK at being who He wants me to be. It's a good feeling. :)

AAAAHHHH!!! and also - UGH. and also - ARGGGGHHH!!!

So I feel like all my one-liner posts lately have been just little teasers and not actual news, and this one will be no exception. Except that maybe it will, because now that I'm sitting down to write ANYTHING, writing seems like a good idea. So we'll see how this goes. Wow, that was quite a disclaimer.

So the real point of this post is the subject line. I just needed to let that out. Things are really stressful for me right now for a number of reasons, and I need an outlet RIGHT NOW, and you are it, you lucky internets, you. So here are the issues:

1) I'm in an intensive Arabic immersion program right now. We just finished week 2, and since we're doing 2 semesters in 8 weeks, we just did the equivalent of half a semester's work in the last 2 weeks. It's a little depressing how much Arabic I CAN'T speak. And how much English I'm not SUPPOSED to be speaking, but am anyway. Eep.

There is LOTS more to say about that, but two colleagues and I are doing a research project related to our experiences in our 3 different intensive language programs this summer, so I really should be writing about the Arabic stuff on that private research blog instead of here. So you get nothin'. Sorry. Um, except that I think that the Arabic program relates in one way or another to each of my other points. So, um, read on. Or not. whatever. :)

2) I am AGAIN in a situation of needing someone to sublet my apartment. I say "again" because I was in this situation last summer, and it was sticky and uncomfortable and expensive and took some tolls on my mental health and my relationship with one set of roommates. This summer I need to sublet because the Arabic program, being an immersion program, requires me to live in the dorms. So I'm living in the dorms (oh joy oh rapture) and my apartment is sitting empty. Well, with all my stuff in it. I have been looking for someone to sublet, and there have been probably 6 or 7 options, some of which were people related to or connected to members of the Church that I know, and some of them would have wanted to use my furniture and dishes, which would have been fine with me, mostly because then I wouldn't have to move or store my furniture right now, so I didn't actually pack up my apartment, which was NOT smart. I didn't post it on Craig's List because of the possible options that were turning up in other ways, but now there is no one in it, and July's rent is due next week. Awesome. There are still 2 options of people to move in, but the first has been slow on the paperwork, and now the manager of the complex is out of town, and if she refuses to rent to them, you know, once she gets back in town at some undetermined point next week, then my OTHER option will have already had to have found another place to live, since their current contract ends next Tuesday. Again, awesome.

And all of this is really weird deja vu back to last summer - I had 2 options lined up, the first fell through, but by the time she fell through, the other had found another option, so I had no one. And it ended up costing me about $1500. Sigh. And yet I'm doing the same thing again. Why?!?!

But it's less of an issue this summer, even tho I'm still feeling really stressed right now about it, because it doesn't involve negative feelings with roommates, so that is really nice. The main problem now is that I have no time to go pack up the apartment because, whadda ya know!, this "intensive" Arabic program, really is INTENSE! So free time? not so much of it these days.

3) There is some, um, personal stuff going on, which, since it's personal, I won't be discussing here, but suffice it to say, it's stressing me out. And one reason for needing an outlet RIGHT NOW was related to it. All of which sounds really mysterious and probably a titch crazy, but hey, whatever, I'm a titch crazy.

And after all that, here's the good stuff, because there IS good stuff! :)

1) I have a couple of family reunions coming up at the end of the summer, and I am REALLY excited about that!!! I talked to one of my cousins the other day about one reunion, and I am SO excited to be around all those great people!! :) :) And to be RELATED to all those great people! :)

2) Two classmates and I had a proposal accepted to present at a conference this fall, based on research we did last semester! AWESOME!!!! :) :) I'm a scholar! hee hee hee!

3) I don't think I ever posted here that I got a REALLY awesome funding package for next year, which will allow me to NOT be a TA of any sort - I just get to take classes, and they'll pay me! AND they'll pay my tuition! :) :) It also means that the decision about which TAship to take for next year was a moot point. I won't say that it was unnecessary, because it did get me focused in some good ways, but in the end, my concern about offending one prof by NOT accepting that TAship...didn't matter; I ended up taking neither. :)

4) My family loves me. :)
4a) My fabulous aunt called me from France the other day!! She has a study abroad group there again, and I'm SO flattered that she'd call me to get my input!! Of course, I missed her call due to my Arabic program, but still!! and it made me super excited to hang out with her at the reunion in August!!
4b) I talked to my dad over the weekend, and then he sent me an email the other day, expressing his love and confidence in me, and it really meant a lot to me. And I get to see him at the end of the summer, too. :) :)
4c) My sister emailed me the other day, and the subject line of her email was, "How do you say, 'I miss you' in Arabic?" and I REALLY needed to hear from someone close to me that day, and her email was perfect. :) And then later when I called her house and talked briefly to her husband in an attempt to track down my dad, she called back a minute later and said, among other things, "What's this?! I send you an email saying how much I miss you and then you call and don't even talk to me? How do you say, 'you suck' in Arabic??" And that made me laugh, and then it made me cry, because I love her and she loves me, and then I babbled about how stressed I am, and that didn't make it all better, but it helped. Love helps. :)

5) I run!!! And by that I mean that I dragged my sorry tush out of bed before 7am yesterday AND today to go running - BY MYSELF. GO ME!! And if two days doesn't seem like a big accomplishment to you, that's because you don't know that MY RUNNING PARTNER LEFT TOWN early Thursday morning!!! Do you even REALIZE the significance of this information?! That means that EVEN THOUGH I would not be standing someone up if I didn't get up and go running, I STILL WENT RUNNING!!! I KNOW! It's HUGE!!

Let me put this in perspective so you can actually appreciate what a big accomplishment this is. We are talking about a girl who has a REALLY hard time getting out of bed without a firm early morning commitment that involves other people. For example, back in the day when Jer and Brooke lived in Springville, and I lived in Provo, the only reason I got to work at a reasonable hour was because they picked me up on the way to campus. Picked me up and drove me across the street to where Jer and I worked. Across the street. Literally. It would have taken me almost the same amount of time to walk to work as it took for them to drive me, but if I had walked I would have gotten there at 11am. Maybe. When they picked me up - 8am every day.

So please, celebrate the running with me. :)

Um, ok, I think I'm done. Yeah, this was a little more than a one-liner, and it felt good. I might be back. :)

Comment from 20-yr-old friend A after I mentioned that I did the study abroad in Jerusalem in 1996

"You've been intelligent so much longer than I have. I was still coloring outside the lines [in 1996]."

Any week during which I wear a baseball cap over greasy hair TWICE is not a great week.

I'm just sayin'.

Line from a good guy friend after an hour-long conversation about his dating life

"I've dumped a lot of girls, but the best ones have dumped me."

Wow.

And also - heehee!

And also - ouch.

Today I...

...went to 3 museums (this one, this one, and this one)
...wore my new capris, and they rock!
...ate at this restaurant that was new to me, and this familiar favorite
...soaked my feet in a fountain near the National Mall
...ate a frozen lemonade while soaking my feet in said fountain
...walked and talked all day with a good friend
...had lunch and a great conversation with 2 good friends
...went to institute and saw a million friends and they were happy to see me and one said, "Welcome home!" and one said, "You belong here!"

It was a good day. :)

In which I get political (ok, not really, but weren't you excited about it, just for a second?!)

Maybe the problem with our government is that they spoil all the fun...



and make no sense.