Today was a good day. :)

That's pretty much all I have to say, but it's true. :)

I spent all afternoon and most of the evening with some dear friends, and got to vent my stress and discuss solutions and get good counsel.

And I talked to my mom and dad, and was reminded again of why I love them and of how excited I am to see them in just...TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS!! :) :)

Time flies when you're...drowning in Arabic??

So a quick update. Or not so quick - "wait 'til I get going!" (Name that movie to further solidify our friendship...)

Housing: My apartment has been sublet. WOOHOOOOOO!!! That saves me $1200. :) :) Well, $1198, plus utilities. :) I'm very relieved to have that taken care of. This does mean, however, that since I no longer have another home, I officially live in the dorms, for the first time since 1995. :) And I officially park my car at the institute building. :) And I officially have one check left, until I unpack my boxes at the beginning of September and find my next book of checks. So if I tell you "the check is in the mail," it just ain't true.

Arabic...yeah, about that. It's still stressful, I'm still not where I would like to be with it, but it's LOTS better than it was last time I posted, so that's nice. :) And the attitude adjustment that I SERIOUSLY needed? I got it. :) A small part of it had to do with remembering that I ALWAYS take a while to get adjusted to new situations. So I was not adjusted to this intensive Arabic thing, and was feeling bad that I wasn't just loving every second of it. I'm still not loving every second of it, but now I'm feeling more like I will, eventually. :) Of course, the quickest I've ever adjusted to a new living situation was about 2 months...and this is a two-month program. :) So hopefully I'm adjusted and happy before it's over. ;) But I got an 87% on my last test, and I thought I'd done much worse than that, so things aren't looking too bad right now. :)

And people - it's week 4!!! That means that by the end of this week, we'll have done an entire semester of Arabic - CRAZY!!!! It also means I'm almost half done with this program. I know it's just Monday of week 4, but for some reason the weekends are slow and the weeks just FLY, so I feel like it'll be Friday before I know it.

And I went to an AWESOME fireside last night! I was reminded of how much I have to learn, to do, and to BECOME in order to be like my Heavenly Father. (But not in a panicked, stressing out, way, right, E? ;) ) So I'm more motivated than I've been in a while to really WORK at being who He wants me to be. It's a good feeling. :)

AAAAHHHH!!! and also - UGH. and also - ARGGGGHHH!!!

So I feel like all my one-liner posts lately have been just little teasers and not actual news, and this one will be no exception. Except that maybe it will, because now that I'm sitting down to write ANYTHING, writing seems like a good idea. So we'll see how this goes. Wow, that was quite a disclaimer.

So the real point of this post is the subject line. I just needed to let that out. Things are really stressful for me right now for a number of reasons, and I need an outlet RIGHT NOW, and you are it, you lucky internets, you. So here are the issues:

1) I'm in an intensive Arabic immersion program right now. We just finished week 2, and since we're doing 2 semesters in 8 weeks, we just did the equivalent of half a semester's work in the last 2 weeks. It's a little depressing how much Arabic I CAN'T speak. And how much English I'm not SUPPOSED to be speaking, but am anyway. Eep.

There is LOTS more to say about that, but two colleagues and I are doing a research project related to our experiences in our 3 different intensive language programs this summer, so I really should be writing about the Arabic stuff on that private research blog instead of here. So you get nothin'. Sorry. Um, except that I think that the Arabic program relates in one way or another to each of my other points. So, um, read on. Or not. whatever. :)

2) I am AGAIN in a situation of needing someone to sublet my apartment. I say "again" because I was in this situation last summer, and it was sticky and uncomfortable and expensive and took some tolls on my mental health and my relationship with one set of roommates. This summer I need to sublet because the Arabic program, being an immersion program, requires me to live in the dorms. So I'm living in the dorms (oh joy oh rapture) and my apartment is sitting empty. Well, with all my stuff in it. I have been looking for someone to sublet, and there have been probably 6 or 7 options, some of which were people related to or connected to members of the Church that I know, and some of them would have wanted to use my furniture and dishes, which would have been fine with me, mostly because then I wouldn't have to move or store my furniture right now, so I didn't actually pack up my apartment, which was NOT smart. I didn't post it on Craig's List because of the possible options that were turning up in other ways, but now there is no one in it, and July's rent is due next week. Awesome. There are still 2 options of people to move in, but the first has been slow on the paperwork, and now the manager of the complex is out of town, and if she refuses to rent to them, you know, once she gets back in town at some undetermined point next week, then my OTHER option will have already had to have found another place to live, since their current contract ends next Tuesday. Again, awesome.

And all of this is really weird deja vu back to last summer - I had 2 options lined up, the first fell through, but by the time she fell through, the other had found another option, so I had no one. And it ended up costing me about $1500. Sigh. And yet I'm doing the same thing again. Why?!?!

But it's less of an issue this summer, even tho I'm still feeling really stressed right now about it, because it doesn't involve negative feelings with roommates, so that is really nice. The main problem now is that I have no time to go pack up the apartment because, whadda ya know!, this "intensive" Arabic program, really is INTENSE! So free time? not so much of it these days.

3) There is some, um, personal stuff going on, which, since it's personal, I won't be discussing here, but suffice it to say, it's stressing me out. And one reason for needing an outlet RIGHT NOW was related to it. All of which sounds really mysterious and probably a titch crazy, but hey, whatever, I'm a titch crazy.

And after all that, here's the good stuff, because there IS good stuff! :)

1) I have a couple of family reunions coming up at the end of the summer, and I am REALLY excited about that!!! I talked to one of my cousins the other day about one reunion, and I am SO excited to be around all those great people!! :) :) And to be RELATED to all those great people! :)

2) Two classmates and I had a proposal accepted to present at a conference this fall, based on research we did last semester! AWESOME!!!! :) :) I'm a scholar! hee hee hee!

3) I don't think I ever posted here that I got a REALLY awesome funding package for next year, which will allow me to NOT be a TA of any sort - I just get to take classes, and they'll pay me! AND they'll pay my tuition! :) :) It also means that the decision about which TAship to take for next year was a moot point. I won't say that it was unnecessary, because it did get me focused in some good ways, but in the end, my concern about offending one prof by NOT accepting that TAship...didn't matter; I ended up taking neither. :)

4) My family loves me. :)
4a) My fabulous aunt called me from France the other day!! She has a study abroad group there again, and I'm SO flattered that she'd call me to get my input!! Of course, I missed her call due to my Arabic program, but still!! and it made me super excited to hang out with her at the reunion in August!!
4b) I talked to my dad over the weekend, and then he sent me an email the other day, expressing his love and confidence in me, and it really meant a lot to me. And I get to see him at the end of the summer, too. :) :)
4c) My sister emailed me the other day, and the subject line of her email was, "How do you say, 'I miss you' in Arabic?" and I REALLY needed to hear from someone close to me that day, and her email was perfect. :) And then later when I called her house and talked briefly to her husband in an attempt to track down my dad, she called back a minute later and said, among other things, "What's this?! I send you an email saying how much I miss you and then you call and don't even talk to me? How do you say, 'you suck' in Arabic??" And that made me laugh, and then it made me cry, because I love her and she loves me, and then I babbled about how stressed I am, and that didn't make it all better, but it helped. Love helps. :)

5) I run!!! And by that I mean that I dragged my sorry tush out of bed before 7am yesterday AND today to go running - BY MYSELF. GO ME!! And if two days doesn't seem like a big accomplishment to you, that's because you don't know that MY RUNNING PARTNER LEFT TOWN early Thursday morning!!! Do you even REALIZE the significance of this information?! That means that EVEN THOUGH I would not be standing someone up if I didn't get up and go running, I STILL WENT RUNNING!!! I KNOW! It's HUGE!!

Let me put this in perspective so you can actually appreciate what a big accomplishment this is. We are talking about a girl who has a REALLY hard time getting out of bed without a firm early morning commitment that involves other people. For example, back in the day when Jer and Brooke lived in Springville, and I lived in Provo, the only reason I got to work at a reasonable hour was because they picked me up on the way to campus. Picked me up and drove me across the street to where Jer and I worked. Across the street. Literally. It would have taken me almost the same amount of time to walk to work as it took for them to drive me, but if I had walked I would have gotten there at 11am. Maybe. When they picked me up - 8am every day.

So please, celebrate the running with me. :)

Um, ok, I think I'm done. Yeah, this was a little more than a one-liner, and it felt good. I might be back. :)

Comment from 20-yr-old friend A after I mentioned that I did the study abroad in Jerusalem in 1996

"You've been intelligent so much longer than I have. I was still coloring outside the lines [in 1996]."

Any week during which I wear a baseball cap over greasy hair TWICE is not a great week.

I'm just sayin'.

Line from a good guy friend after an hour-long conversation about his dating life

"I've dumped a lot of girls, but the best ones have dumped me."

Wow.

And also - heehee!

And also - ouch.

Today I...

...went to 3 museums (this one, this one, and this one)
...wore my new capris, and they rock!
...ate at this restaurant that was new to me, and this familiar favorite
...soaked my feet in a fountain near the National Mall
...ate a frozen lemonade while soaking my feet in said fountain
...walked and talked all day with a good friend
...had lunch and a great conversation with 2 good friends
...went to institute and saw a million friends and they were happy to see me and one said, "Welcome home!" and one said, "You belong here!"

It was a good day. :)

In which I get political (ok, not really, but weren't you excited about it, just for a second?!)

Maybe the problem with our government is that they spoil all the fun...



and make no sense.

I visited some old friends today...

I was in the neighborhood, so I stopped by to see George...


...Abe...

...and Jeff.

It was nice to see them again. (Hi, guys! :) )

That poor digitized feline...

I'm editing video today, so I'm down in the lab where they do that sort of thing, and the other guy in here working today is hilarious, and he was putting another DV tape in the deck, and it makes a HORRIBLE sound as the tape goes in, and when the horrendous noise started he went:

"Oh yeah! W W W dot catintheblender dot com!"

And it totally cracked me up. :)

For Carolina

Word of the day: acquiesce

I'm using it in a paper, but do I need cite that the only reason I know this word is from the first "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie? You know, in which Keira Knightley and Geoffrey Rush both say,

"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request."

That would look awesome on my references list.

A letter to my dearly beloved

I miss you.

I know that when we first got together it seemed like we'd be spending a lot of time together, just you-and-me alone time, and I think we both really looked forward to that, and yet that hasn't really happened as much as I think either of us would like. These little brief snatches of time that we have together really aren't enough! And I know it's my fault - I've been so caught up in other things lately that I haven't made time with you a high enough priority, and I regret it - A LOT. This has been a problem with me in the past, with similar relationships, and I have always regretted it.

You have been there for me, consistently, and yet I have not given you the time you deserve. And really, everything in my life goes so much better when I get to spend more time with you on a regular basis. I sleep better, I feel calmer, I am more productive, and I have more energy. It's really amazing to me what an impact you have on my life!

So I'm asking for another chance to make things right between us - I do better, I really can! After today, when I turn in my papers at 5pm and then at 10pm, we'll get to spend LOTS of time together, dear bed, I promise!!

So...can I see you tonight?

Love,
Me

Finals week

No, but seriously - mine's gone, can I borrow yours?? Just for 32 hours?? I'll give it back - I promise!!

If I fail in life and die...

...it will be because I was checking blogs when I was supposed to be finishing my stats final that I have to turn in in about an hour.

Yeah, take a wild guess how much I am luuuurving stats right now...

A tough choice

So I was in a meeting with my boss and my advisor the other day, and I'm not sure how it came up, but I told them that usually after finals I either get a) sick or b) a haircut.

Which do YOU think I should do this time? Meaning, on Saturday, or Friday night at 10pm, after I hand in my two research papers?

I really am thinking of getting a haircut, maybe a drastic one, and I keep thinking about this one, even tho my hair isn't quite as long now as it was in the "before" pictures there, and even tho that one doesn't really look as drastic as it felt at the time. :) But the hair is getting to be a bit much, and I'm ready for LOTS of it to be gone. So I'm trying to decide how short to go, and I'm really wishing I could have my fabulous stylist in the west cut it, but I won't be there until August, and I can't wait that long. I would love to go to her and just say, "ok, cut it off. do whatever you think will look good." And she would, and it would be great, but when I have to a) decide what I want on my own and b) trust someone besides her to do it - that's scary. :)

So I went through lots of pictures of me during the past few years, to remember the different lengths I've had my hair and to remember what it's like at those lengths so that I can think more clearly about what I want to do. And I came to a fascinating conclusion.

Ready? Here it is:

When I actually DO my hair, I like how it looks. Whatever length it is, basically whatever style it is (not that it's been THAT varied over the past few years).

When I DON'T do my hair, I don't like how it looks. Whatever length it is, basically whatever style it is.

Rocket science, eh? So it sounds like the solution is not a new haircut, but actually DOING something with the haircut I have? Lame.

Maybe I'll just get sick instead.

I'm trying out a new feeling.

So - school. It's going well, even though I now officially have ONE WEEK to write two research papers, neither of which is in a very good state right now, but that's not what I want to write out right now. :)

I'm trying to figure out which TA-ship I should do next year. And yes, I recognize that it is REALLY NICE to have options. And, as I told my mom on the phone the other day, they are both good options - as in, if some external force made the decision for me, I'd pretty much be ok either way. And as my mom pointed out to me, that means I really can't make a bad decision here - there isn't one. And that's kind of a relief. :)

The thing I'm struggling with is what I am "supposed" to do with my career. For the last few years I have felt like I wanted to go in a certain direction with my career, and that impacted my decision to come to this school, and has impacted my choices of classes and research projects so far. I also feel some sense of obligation to the faculty that I worked with during my masters - they knew my plans and direction when I came here, and I feel a little bit like changing direction would be betraying them and the support they gave and continue to give me. But I also recognize the ridiculousness in that, and that I can't and shouldn't live my life based on what I think my former advisors think I'm doing. :) Or even what they hope I'm doing. I have to live my own life - it'll be a really painful career if I'm doing it based on someone else's interests.

And then there's also this - I took a long time to finish my masters degree, and even though I got to do a lot of really cool stuff during that time, taking that long to finish didn't do happy things for my self-esteem. And part of the reason that it took so long was because I didn't know what I wanted to do at the end of the degree, or even what thesis project I wanted to do during the degree. When I found the topic that ended up becoming my thesis, it was very exciting to me - I felt like I had found my purpose, I had found something that I loved and that I could actually DO, and I

F
I
N
A
L
L
Y

had some direction!! So that topic / research direction / career direction is, I think, very associated in my head with that emotional release and relief of knowing that I had FOUND IT. So the thought of letting go of this direction to maybe try out going in a different direction feels a little bit like a betrayal of myself as well, and a little bit like I'd be letting go of any semblance of control or of the power of a previously-made choice about what direction I'm going, and I also REALLY don't want to reenter that "no man's land" of "I don't know what I'm going to do at end of this degree" feeling, because that feels too much to me like "I have no direction in my life or career" and I've already spent enough time feeling that way and was VERY happy to get out of it.

But in talking to my mom the other day about the options for TAships for next year, and the possible future implications of that choice, I realized that my whole view of my future and of Heavenly Father's plan for me might be wrong.

I realized that I've been feeling like there is some GOAL or PLACE or NICHE TO FILL out there in the wide world somewhere for me, and that it is static, and that I have to make sure that I make the "right" choices, find the "right" path, turn to the "correct" page in the "Choose Your Own Adventure" that is my life, so that I can arrive at that specified place.

But what if that's not really how it is??

It might be that this whole "life" thing and this whole "career" is much more freeform than that, that I really do develop it and form it as I go, and that as long as I don't make any morally incorrect choices, and as long as I involve Heavenly Father in my decisions and follow the promptings that I receive, I won't - can't! - make a wrong decision. Maybe it really is that I just choose as I go along, and rather than feeling like I'm struggling or fighting to find the "right" path, I just create it as I go, and whatever I create is fine.

It's kind of a freeing feeling, and kind of a scary feeling, and I'm trying to try it out to see if I like it. And that's not as easy as it sounds.

Favorite talks or scriptures about baptism??

So I mentioned that my friend A is getting baptized on Saturday - YAY! :) Well, she asked me to give a talk on baptism. I've been reading and studying and finding references, but now I'm asking you - what is your favorite scripture or General Conference talk about baptism? or that would be appropriate to share in a talk on baptism? I've been thinking about baptism itself, but also about covenants in general, and about newness of life, the change that occurs in our hearts as we grow closer to the Lord, being the people of the Lord...

Thoughts?

And the soundtrack of my day today is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on YouTube, and found this. Oh man, I really LOVE this piece:

Hooray for...

...the cute little bunny rabbit I saw outside the public library last night :)

...the public library not charging me late fees for the two books that were two weeks overdue (phew!)

...good friend A getting baptized on Saturday!!!!! I'm so thrilled!

...the General Conference Ensign arriving in my mailbox yesterday - WAHOO!!!

Happy happy joy joy!!

I was chatting online with my sis just now, and then my niece woke up from her nap, and my sis typed, "incoming" and I got this in my inbox:

Subject: There's a message for you on the card



You can click on the picture to see the message on the card, and if her little pudgy hand holding the card and her tousled bed-head and her pink cheeks and her cheery little "I just woke up" smile don't just melt your heart...then maybe you aren't ME!

So I quickly took a (really bad) picture of myself with my cell phone, signing "I love you," and sent it to them, and my niece babbled excitedly at my picture. :) I love it. :)

I think I'm ok that I live here. :)

So I've been running lately. I haven't put in place anything so committed (read: stressful and guilt-inducing) as an actual schedule or plan, however. Running is supposed to RELIEVE stress, not create more when I don't feel like it on the day I'm scheduled to go! But it's been nice. There have been days when I get home and I think, "I'd really like to go for a run tonight," so I do. :) There are a couple of parks and a lake near my apartment, so I've run there, and it really is nice to be out in nature. I spend so much time with my nose in a book or my eyes on a computer screen that sometimes I forget that there are things like, oh, trees. And grass. And ponds. And breezes. I really like all of those. Water is especially peaceful for me, and I've thought a lot about how the Savior's voice is compared in the scriptures to the sound of rushing waters. I've always loved living near water, and just standing on the edge, looking out.

Last night, while my laundry was in at my friends' house, I went running in the neighborhood around their house. After barreling my way up a hill (go me!), I found myself running along a golf course, and it was really peaceful and good for the soul. :) When I turned around to head back, I got to watch a gorgeous sunset over the green hills and trees of the golf course - awesome!

It was a little chilly on my run - summer hasn't quite hit yet, but it is surely spring. Being in school means that the seasons only matter in terms of what they indicate about how soon finals are coming :) and apparently summer does come later here than where I've lived previously, but that's ok with me, since finals come later, too. :) So I've been glad that it's not too summer-like yet so that I'm not distracted from the 2 big research papers I have to write in the next two weeks.

And being out running has reminded me that it really is beautiful here, in this place where I am! There are LOTS of parks all over the place, and I really love the trees, and the fact that pretty much every park has a pond. I was thinking last night while I was running that I like it here. :) And that's good, seeing as how my documentation supports the fact that I really do live here now. :)

Note to self

Dear self,

If you stop eating, you'll have this problem again.

It's annoying.

You should eat.

Love,
Me

Word of the day: Brocade

If your bros approve of your girl...

she's been brocade. Bro-okayed? brokayed?

Nice, E.

just some stuff

Yesterday I got new license plates for my car for the state in which I currently reside, replacing the ones I got when I purchased the car nine years ago this month. So I guess I really live here now. :)

I also got a new driver's license for this state. Actually, I didn't get it - it will be mailed to me in the next 7-10 business days, but I did get a piece of paper that I can show to a cop in place of an actual license if I get pulled over. All of which means that when I tried to check out a computer from the library on campus today and they asked for 2 forms of photo ID, I only had one. Dang.

That particular transition - to a DL from a new state - would have been hard for me, nostalgic packrat that I am (I was REALLY sad to give up my first DL from the state in which I grew up), except for the fact that my current license was from the state in which I only lived for 11 months. I found out when I moved there, having just driven across the entire country, that my license had expired SIX MONTHS PREVIOUSLY. So then getting a new license was a source of considerable panic instead of nostalgia. So it wasn't too hard to give that one up, although it was a bit odd to see the guy just staple right through it.

Today I got back a paper that my group and I handed in on Monday. Never mind that it was probably 6 weeks late, and that last week the prof said he really wanted it THAT WEEK. OK, well it was only kind of that late - the deadline was really squishy. But it was late. But the point is that as I parted from a classmate on Monday so that I could go hammer on the paper to turn it in, she commiserated with me about what a hard grader this prof is, so I was kind of despairing about getting a good grade, since I didn't think my part of the paper was that good, and since it was so late.

Internets - we got an A+. :) :) The prof wrote: "This is a terrific piece of work - well worth waiting for." Nice! :)

And at Institute tonight I talked to one of my friends, and it looks like she's graduating next summer (instead of December), so we might be roommates next year! That would be so great!

Just wanted to share. :)

Yes, I asked him to define it.

So I was headed east across campus for a group meeting, and in passing, said hi to a guy from one of my classes. On the way west an hour and a half later, here he was again, also going the opposite direction again! :) So we stopped and chatted for a minute, and he complimented me on my sunglasses. I get that a lot. ;)

He said, in reference to the glasses, "I almost didn't recognize you when I saw you earlier."

To which I responded, mostly joking, "Oh, because I looked so cool that it couldn't possibly be me?!"

And he said, "No, no, it's just that they cover half of your face, so I couldn't tell it was you. I was like, 'who's the hot coastie?'"

(We're just going to pretend that he wasn't saying that the only reason I looked hot was because you couldn't see half my face... ;) hee hee)

The funny thing is that I JUST learned about the word "coastie" last week! So of course, since I'm a big language nerd, I asked him to define it. :) It refers to girls (or girls and guys?) from the east coast, mostly Jersey and New York, and part of the meaning, and the one that he referenced when he described it to me, is dressing chic. :) He said my glasses are definitely NOT in the style of the state where we live.

Which is true. I got them at the Minnesota State Fair. The same place where you can get unlimited milk refills. If that's not chic, I don't know what is.

Life lesson

Event: I got 100% on my second stats midterm.

Life lesson: Jeremy is harder to convince of my stats knowledge than the TA who graded my test.

Good quotes from today

"It's not a lack of cookbooks that makes one a poor cook." - one who prefers to remain anonymous

"Have you ever been to Hawaii?" - one of my profs

"Hang loose!" - same prof. (Turns out that's why he asked me the above question. And it's a good thing that I realized that that was why, because I was about to get really bitter about it.)

"You are in a good position - lots of people are trying to give you money!" - same prof, after he offered me a PAship for next year. And told me that he respects and admires my "intellectual assertiveness" and "intellectual excitement." :) :)

Hee hee

Mwahahahahahaha!

A Big Moment

It was during my stats class. The prof was talking about variance, and how we figure out how much variance is explained or accounted for by various factors, blah blah blah. And then he mentioned overlap (not the technical word) of explanations of variance. And then -

I got it.

And I raised my hand and said (hee hee!), "So if you want to explore just the questions that interest you, choose your own contrasts and deal with the overlap. But if you want to explain all the variance, choose an orthogonal set of contrasts and deal with the complex contrasts."

And the prof smiled and gave me a big thumbs up and went on with the lecture.

And I sat back in my seat with a huge satisfied grin on my face because - FINALLY! - something about some of the choices we might make about what statistical procedures to use when made sense to me.

Awesome. And by "awesome" I mean, "Mwahahahahahahahaaa!" :) :)

Done and done.

Abstract: Check.

Stats test: Check.

Phone call from my mom asking if I'd been evacuated because of some out-of-control possible terrorist pilot: Check.

Wait - what?!

Dear my-friends-who-are-partying-right-now,

I hope YOUR party is as fun as MINE. I'm writing an abstract to report on a research project that I haven't done yet. Yippee!

AND I'm about to eat a chicken pot pie, hot from the oven. Yowza!

And after THAT, I'm going to work on my stats midterm that's due tomorrow. Woohoo!

Please try to control your envy.

Love,
Me

Word of the day: Cf.

cf.

Main Entry:

cf

Function:

abbreviation

1 calf
2 [Latin confer, imperative of conferre to compare] compare

Meaning #2 is what I was looking for. Thanks, m-w.com.

Wikipedia was also helpful:

"Cf. is an abbreviation for the Latin-derived (but also modern English) word confer, meaning "compare" or "consult", and is hence used to refer to other material or ideas which may provide auxiliary information or arguments. It is mainly used in scholarly or educated contexts, such as in academic (mainly humanities) or legal texts."

I kinda got that that's what it meant, but I was trying to make it stand for "compare" (the 'f' is invisible as well as silent?!) or "cross-reFerence." So I asked my friend C, and she said, "Oh yeah, I just looked that up the other day."

Oh.

Right.

I can look things up.

Word of the day: reify

reify

Main Entry:

re·ify

Pronunciation:

\ˈrā-ə-ˌfī, ˈrē-\

Function:

transitive verb

Inflected Form(s):

re·ified; re·ify·ing

Etymology:

Latin res thing — more at real

Date:

1854

: to regard (something abstract) as a material or concrete thing

(Thanks, m-w.com.)

This is an example of one of those things that stresses you out again and again, but then only takes 2 seconds to resolve. I've seen this word lots of times in the last 8 months, and have read it a number of times in the article I'm currently reading, and it bugged me that I didn't know what it meant. And the energy that I had put into finding the meaning was a FRACTION of the energy that I had previously put into being bugged and stressed out that I didn't know what it meant.

Sigh.

I'd like my dignity back, please.

Do you ever look back on recent events in your life and wonder, "Who is the IDIOT that's been living in my body and interacting with my friends recently?!"

Well, that's the question of the hour around my house right now. Seriously, I'm cringing. Eep.

Here's hoping that the REAL Margaret gets back soon and takes over again. And that her friends won't hold her absence against her.

Aaaaaand it's gone.

Today I just want to be done with school and have a job with a salary and paid vacation time so I can go to Paris.

sigh

It comes and goes...

...but today is a day that I feel like YES, I really could enjoy a profession as a professor and researcher! :) I'm writing a research proposal for one of my classes, and I'm getting all excited about it, and that's a good feeling. I just hope that the excitement lasts long enough for me to get the proposal done by 4pm, which is when it's due. :P

And sure, I could have been working on it all last week, but hey - it was Spring Break and I had places to go and important people to see! And, you know, laundry to do...

What does the universe have against my pants?! ...or maybe it's just me...

On Saturday I went to visit these dear friends, who have not, at latest report, had their baby yet. The main purpose for my visit was to return their 4-inch memory foam mattress topper that I have been sleeping on since August. I no longer need it because (drum roll please!) -

I bought a bed!

And Daniel was confused about why this was such a big deal until he realized that yes, this is actually my first major purchase. So yes, it was a big deal. But that is a different story. :)

So after chatting and chatting and chatting, Crystal invited me to have dinner with them, and we sat down for some yummy potato soup. And oh - it was yummy! And at one point, I picked up the serving bowl full of hot soup to serve myself some more, and it was one of those moments where things move in slow motion and are just etched in your memory...

Crystal said something about how the bowl was really hot, and I made some comment about how I could totally handle it...and then the bowl sliiiipppppppedddddd and thick hot soup was all over the table and my lap!!

The two funniest moments:

Me, frantically trying to do SOMETHING, but kind of frozen in time and space, watching the soup drip and ooze: Oh my gosh you guys!! Oh my gosh Oh my gosh Oh my gosh Oh my gosh Oh my gosh Oh my gosh Oh my gosh


Crystal: Is it burning?
Me: YES!

Oh man, and I think I said, "Oh my gosh" about a million times. And as I sloshed out of my seat and headed for the kitchen sink, trying to hold the crotch of my running pants up so that no more soup would hit the floor, at the same time not allowing it to rest against my skin and burn me, Crystal ran out of the room, and I was thinking, "Ouch - this hurts! and I've offended poor 9-months-pregnant Crystal with my unending stream of 'oh my goshes' and she had to leave the room!"

And I slopped the soup off my pants into the sink and wiped them down, and Daniel said, "Um, how do we even start to clean this up?" as the soup continued to drip from the table onto the plate that I had put on the chair to catch the drips before I realized JUST HOW HOT the soup was that was all over my hands and my gut.

And then dear sweet Crystal came back into the room - NOT mortally offended - with the pair of pre-pregnancy running pants that she had just dug out of a box for me to change into. :) And she said they were too long for her anyway, so I could keep them if I wanted - nice! :)

Oh my gosh. What a mess! We were all cracking up and cleaning up, and then Daniel said, "So, would you like some more soup?!" :)

Fast forward to this morning. Here are the key facts:

1. I've been wearing those pants of Crystal's around my house since Saturday - they are so comfy!
2. Since it's Spring Break, I somehow managed to stay up until 4:30am this morning, even tho I knew I had a 10am meeting with a classmate on campus.
3. I was NOT reading a book until 4:30am, I was surfing the internet and creating a blog for my sister, who just started homeschooling her kids last week. (NoSurf, I gave her your name and number. I hope that's ok. :) )
4. I had been to the library earlier in the evening to get out the 3rd book in a series that I am rereading this week, but the library didn't have the book, and apparently it's impossible for me to leave a library without a book (gasp!), so I checked out an Agatha Christie that, amazingly enough, I haven't read yet, and I really did want to read it!

So now you have to imagine me, at about 9:20 this morning, in those comfy pants, trying to squeeze in a few minutes of Agatha Christie while I ate my knock-off Cheerios. And please don't ask why I felt that the best place to do said multi-tasking was sitting cross-legged on my bedroom carpet, especially since I have a gorgeous kitchen table and chairs. Perhaps it's related to fact #2 above.

At any rate, I'm sure you can imagine the scene - I try to turn a page, with my cereal bowl in hand...the tippage...the spillage...the dread thought of milk in the carpet-age...and my incredibly-slow-on-4-hrs-of-sleep reflexes...watching the milk soak into those pants, and the carpet, and my t-shirt...those pants...that Crystal dug out for me because of my last slippage moment.

Awesome.

At least this time it wasn't burning, eh, Crystal? ;)

Open letter to the guy sitting in his car outside my apartment

Please turn your music down. Surely there is a volume at which you will be able to hear it and I will not.

Thank you.

I'm awesome.

Ok, I'm off to class.

Even though I'm woefully unprepared because I fell asleep this afternoon trying to do the reading for class.

And I wouldn't have fallen asleep this afternoon if I hadn't stayed up much too late last night reading this great book that Barbi lent me.

Reflexology

So I was in my stats lab the other day, and made enough comments that it was obvious to at least one of my classmates that there is something wrong with my voice. As in, it's pretty much totally gone, going on Day 6 of this now = awesome.

I say that apparently it was obvious because after class one of my classmates, with whom I've had a couple of conversations, said to me, rather abruptly, "give me your hands." And then to explain, "I'm a massage therapist."

So I'm thinking, "SWEET! She wants to make my life a little better while I'm so obviously sick by giving me a hand massage!"

Uh, no.

She grabbed a certain part of the meaty part of my hand between my thumb and first finger - and SQUEEZED. And it HURT! Badly! MUCH more than it should have hurt for the amount of pressure she used.

I yelped, "Ouch!" and gave her the look that you give someone when you don't them know very well and they suddenly inflict pain on you. Yeah, you know, that look.

She said, in some approximation of these words, "Just as I suspected, your immune system is totally hosed."

She looked me full in the face and said, "You need to take care of yourself. Sometimes we need someone to tell us that. I hereby give you permission to take care of yourself."

And I gulped and teared up a little bit and admitted (to myself) that I did need that. So I bought oj on the way home from campus that night, and went to bed at 9pm, and I'll offer her my hand again tomorrow, hoping that the sharp pain will be reduced to just a dull ache and that I'll be feeling human enough to remember to thank her.

Jeremy is my hero and saved my 11-page final paper, and hence my life, during finals week.

Details to follow.

Jer - is that enough of a shoutout that you'll get off my back?

Everyone else - Hi! I'm not dead, just in grad school. :)

And wow, turns out that last post isn't actually funny enough to be the only thing posted for almost 2 months. Yeah, um, sorry about that.

Waahahahahahaha!!

Oh man, you guys. Oh MAN this is funny.

Seriously. Go watch it.

Hee hee hee

hee hee

Bwahahahaha!

Ugh =

Any day you've already done eleven hours of school work by 3:30pm.

And did I mention that my ice scrapper BROKE as I tried to clean the solid sheet of ice off my car this morning? Yes, yes, it did.

And that I apparently haven't learned my lesson, because the new jeans that I just bought for $8 on black Friday are ALSO sliding down on a regular basis? It's called a "belt," Margaret. Or a pair of jeans that, what do they call that?, oh yes, FITS. Sheesh. :)

OH! And that I'm writing an abstract for a conference that my two bosses and I will hopefully get to go to next May? And that it's in DC??? :) :) :) :) :) (The conference, not the abstract.) And that I don't mind writing, but it's almost finals week and I have three, oh, make that four other papers to write and I want to be done with this abstract but I also don't want to embarrass myself by sending a half-baked one to these profs?

And that I'm getting sick? You can blame this post on the Sudafed.

I found my local Justin!!

And just like the original Justin was when I first met him, he's a cute little 18-yr-old, pure and cheerful and good and happy and...what's that one word that means something like "really chatty and social and charming and good at talking to people?" Gregarious.

And he is now aware of his new status as my local Justin. And oh, he totally gets it. Witness the conversation we had last night at the Institute building, where there was a potluck before the First Presidency Christmas Devotional. I was chatting with my new Justin, we'll call him E, since that's his initial, right before Bishop and Sister N were getting ready to leave and give E a ride home:

Me: I just want to tell you that you remind me of the little brother of a good friend of mine, and it makes me really happy.
E (not bitterly, just observing): I think I'm the ward's little brother. Everybody tells me that I remind them of their little brother.
Me: Well, you remind me of Justin, the little brother of my good friend, Josh, and they are both my dear friends. So it's not like you're my little brother [and I made a motion like I was patting a small child on the head], it's more like...you're my Justin.
E: Well, if I'm your Justin, let me give you a hug.

And he did.

See?? He totally gets it!!

It's been a busy couple of weeks...

I mean, how could you expect me to get my school work done when I was so busy choreographing and practicing and making costumes for this?!

(This entertainment was brought to you by Elise, who said, "One might wonder why I don't have a job...until one receives links to dancing elves. Then the mystery is solved.")

Welcome to my psyche.

I am on campus, and somewhere in the building, someone is playing really cheery polka-y Christmas music. Loudly. Two songs, again and again and again. I think I might go insane. Or home.

Except that last night my upstairs neighbor's two dogs barked for MORE THAN AN HOUR while I was trying to do some reading for class. Yes, I timed them. And yelled, "Shut yer dogs up!" at the ceiling.

Yesterday while I was getting ready for school I had these two songs in my head:
1) "Zero population," from that monstrosity, "Saturday's Warrior"
2) "I'm an ordinary man," from "My Fair Lady"
So yes, I was stuck with combinations like, "She'll have a large bognarian [??] mother, with a voice that shatters glass" and "zero population is the answer my friend, without it, the rest of us are doomed!"
I have no explanation for that.

I also had one of those between-hitting-the-snooze-button-every-9-minutes dreams in which Ron told me that Chad was leaving the next day to move to Columbia to play soccer. I was not surprised that his mad soccer skillz would allow him to do that, merely sad that I wouldn't get to see him before he left.

AND - I have plane tickets - I'll be heading back to the land of my family on 17 Dec, and I will be there for a WHOLE MONTH!!

So please, Chad, or anyone else, don't move to Columbia before I get to see you.

I'm totally caving to materialism. But just for this post.

Ok, people, I need boots. And guess what?! Daring Young Mom is having a give-away on her blog from a SHOW COMPANY, and they make BOOTS! And if I link to the contest, like right here, for example, then I can get entered TWICE in the drawing!

So there you go. Check out her contest, and the boots I will get if I win. :) :)

P.S. Did I mention that it snowed last night? :) :)

I think I'm really funny and it's late at night. And if you think those two statements are not connected then you don't know me. Or my blog title.

So I just got this email from my older sister:

Subject line: facebook

you need to get on!! there is a [ward from my home stake] friends group and they want to get together and someone was looking for you to organize a get-together:) Plus, there is an awesome picture of [that one guy] taking off a garter from way up on [that one girl]'s leg--hee hee!

And I started to write back to her, and then the profound truths listed in the title of this post hit me, and so you all get to read my reply, you lucky internets, you.

OK, but I REALLY don't need something ELSE to keep me from getting my work done, and you KNOW I am OCD enough that I would have to connect with everyone I've ever met, including those people from my alma mater who I never actually met but saw them walking on campus all the time, and because I spent SO MANY YEARS on that campus I'm sure they must have been in my ward at some point, so I introduce myself, and then sure enough, we don't know each other and now I look like a weird stalker freak. (And yes, that happened to me about a month and a half ago.)

sigh.

I feel like I'm the only person in the free world NOT on facebook. And I take a wee bit of pride in that. Kind of like I took a wee bit of pride in high school about not wearing make up, and I've tried to start wearing make up now several times, and I own some nice Mary Kay eyeshadow that I have been taught to apply by a friend who always looks REALLY nice with her make up, and I just don't do it.

So let's just say that facebook is the Mary Kay eyeshadow of my web presence.

But secretly I'm really flattered that those fun people want me to plan a get-together. And I'll probably do it.

Good thing my gloves and scarf are red...

...'cause I'm going to the football game tomorrow!! (And our school color is red. Just in case you didn't get why that would matter.) I'm really excited!! I wanted to go to one of the games, but couldn't afford the time or the money to get season tickets, and turns out...when you go to a Big 10 school, you, um, can't just "pick up" a ticket to a home football game. It doesn't work that way in the big leagues. :) But my fun friend J got tickets from her work and invited me to go with her - WOOHOO!!

And also - why do I stay up this late when I'm not being productive?

But sometimes my "to do" list gets overwhelming, and apparently all I can do is eat my $1.96 Totinos pizza and two servings of ice cream for dinner (that's what they call a "balanced diet") and read blogs until all hours of the night.

Oh wait! I got up at 5:30am to do homework today--suddenly my inability to function makes sense! When I have to actually function that early I later get past the point of being coherent, and then become incapable of being proactive about progress, such as turning off my computer and going to bed. It's awesome.

But the reason I got up that early was to prep for my group meeting, which went well! AND I got my car back after hitching rides for the last three weeks, and the guy replaced the fuel pump and the timing belt for FREE and only asked me to pay for the parts, and I am SO GRATEFUL!!

And tomorrow is Super Saturday, and I'm making - oh! I almost said it! I'm making Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews. :) Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise! (Since they are all under the age of 11 and none of them read this blog. Or know it exists. Or would care if they DID know. Or can read. Just kidding - several of them can read.)

Whoa nellie. Time for bed. Look at me all being proactive and getting my tush out of my chair and stuff!

Why You Should Use Your Brain When You Read Statistics: A Case Study

So I got my electric bill over the weekend, and it was $23.83, down from $27 last month. (Woohoo! That's 3 Frosties!!) (It would have been 4 Frosties, but they raised the price on the 99 cent Frosty - now it's $1.19.) (Which totally defeats the purpose of the 99 cent Frosty, if you ask me.) And there was a little blurb on the bill saying that I could sign up for the "budget payment plan," which equalizes your payments over the whole year, based on the average billing amount, so that you can avoid spikes in the bill and plan your monthly budget more effectively, blah blah blah, and my monthly payment would be...$15.

Uh, now, I know I'm not a math major, but unless there have been MAJOR changes in the way numbers work since I last calculated a mean, $15 is not the average of $27 and $23.83. Even though I am not a math major, I do know that $15 < $23.83, so on the theory of, "gosh! wouldn't it be nice if $15 WAS the average of $27 and $23.83?!" (just THINK how many Frosties I could afford!!) I called the electric company to check up on it. And sure enough, they got that amount by averaging electricity costs in the apartment for the last 6 months...during which the apartment was unoccupied for several months. So yeah, $27 and $23.83 and a couple of $0's? They do average out to $15. And when they went back to check the time period during which the apartment was occupied, the average was $40. And I know that $23.83 < $40, so I'll just stick with paying my actual bill, thank you very much.

Hmph.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one...

...who makes a fool of herself sometimes.

Thanks for sharing, Josh. :)

Grad school makes you dumb.

I am living proof.

And you thought the your-pants-are-loose-because-you-don't-fill-them-up-anymore and the I-believe-everything-I-read-on-the-internet moments were bad...

Epiphany

So it just occurred to me that perhaps the reason that I've had to hike up my favorite (only) blue jeans every two seconds during the last couple of weeks is that I've lost weight.

Yup. Just figured that out.

Well, they never said you had to be smart to be in grad school.

Oh, wait - they did?

Dang.

If it seems like it's too good to be true...

OK, fine, so I'm a sucker. And a romantic. But is that news to anyone, really?!

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Moving on...

There is no subject for this post.

So my brain is a little

Yeah, that's as far as that sentence got. Reminiscent of another time when I stopped partway through a thought. No, I'm not saying that my brain was a demon.

Hey - another of my hilarious cousins started blogging! Check her out!

And my sister posted about something important - Yes on Prop 8!

And I'm just a leeeeettle obsessed with this right now. I know, we've been over this before, but if I can live vicariously through my curling iron, surely I'm allowed to be really thrilled about someone else's romance. Seriously, grab a cup of hot cocoa and a fuzzy blanket, cozy up on the couch, and start at the beginning. It's a good story. And then you'll get addicted like me and keep on checking for updates 9 million times a day, when digging up citation information and transcribing interviews (1 hr to do FIVE MINUTES of an interview - you have GOT to be kidding me!!) just isn't puttin' bubbles in your milk anymore.

And speaking of milk, did you notice my new profile picture? Here, have a closer look.


So I went to the Minnesota State Fair over Labor Day. This is one of the many fun things I did at the end of the summer about which I have not yet blogged. Like the show in Chicago. And the concert. And the family vacation where I did not lose the pictures but did get to hang out with some of the people in the tractor picture. Oh, and France 2007, which was not at the end of last summer, but which is yet another cool thing about which I have not yet blogged.

But I digress.

So they do this cool thing at the Minnesota State Fair, where you spend $1 for a cup, such as the one I'm holding in the above picture, and then you can get free milk all day long. (And a week later, as long as you bring back your cup, right, R? :) )

DOESN'T THAT JUST SOUND AWESOME?!?!

:) :)

OK, but really, it's pretty cool. And you can get chocolate or white milk. And it's actually quite hilarious, because, um, everybody's doing it. Really. A couple of the images that I hope I never forget from that fair were of really tough looking guys, or really punk teenagers, standing around...drinking milk. And eating chocolate chip cookies, because someone had the brains to say, "Where there is milk, there must needs be cookies," and so put up a cookie booth. $16 for a plastic bucket of chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, um, we stuck with milk.

And we drank a lot of it. I'm holding up four fingers because I'm just then drinking my fifth cup of milk for the day. Yes, four fingers for my fifth cup of milk. Apparently my brain was a demon that day, too.

The most human-flesh-colored food I have ever eaten*

Salsa scrambled eggs. Mix in half a cup of salsa for every 3 eggs you scramble. It's a yummy variation on scrambled eggs, but the color is a little...disturbing.

* What? You don't keep track of that? That's so weird.

On doing dishes

If you eat today's lunch with the same spoon that you used to eat yesterday's lunch, you too could have curry-flavored apple crisp.

I am drug free, and so is my 5-year-old niece.

Apparently she came from from school wearing a bracelet that proclaimed that she was drug free, but when her mommy asked her if she knew what that meant, she had no idea.

Aah, the power of education.

I, however, KNOW what it means that I am drug free - it means that I have not taken any pain medication since 2:45am Saturday morning - woohoo!

What, you haven't either? Ok, fine, but here's why mine is significant:

So I went to the emergency room at about 12:45 am on Monday morning. My left ear had been hurting for a couple of days, and Sunday night when the pain woke me up, my BFF ibuprofen helped me get back to sleep, but Monday night - no such luck. I called the Nurse Hotline to which I have access with my health insurance, and after ascertaining that I did not have a "foreign object" in my ear (and how could you tell if it was foreign, you ask? by the accent, my friend, by the accent), she said that "the protocol suggests that you seek medical attention within the next 4 hours." I'm not a math major, but 12:30am + 4 hours = the middle of the night. So after sitting on my living room floor crying for a few minutes (no couch to sit on, as of yet) (and no, that's not why I was crying), I decided that this was why they invented emergency rooms, and so I went.

The ER was fast (read: "empty") and by 2:15am I was home with amoxicillin for the infection and vicoden for the pain of the partially ruptured eardrum. (The PA told me they'd give me amoxicillin for the infection, and then he looked at his watch (1:30 am) and then at me, and said, "And since you're here now, we'll give you something for the pain, too." I about fell off the hospital bed with gratitude.) The PA that gave me the vicoden told me that it would make me, and I quote, "drowsy," and asked how long I would be able to sleep the next day. I said that I had class at 9:30, and he looked at me like I was an idiot, so I said, very insincerely, "...but I'm not afraid to miss class." I mean, come on, I know I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to pain, but miss class?!?! Whatever, dude. Give me the drugs and let me go home. College students go to class feeling "drowsy" all the time.

Well, he was right about "drowsy," if what he meant was "totally incapacitated." Oooh, the nausea, the nausea!! When I got up at 9:30am and called my boss to tell her I would not be coming to work, I had a hard time staying vertical long enough to call her. She was like, "Uh, I'm going to hang up before you throw up!" They had prescribed hydrocodone, which I took as prescribed until that afternoon, when I decided that if they said, "take it on a full stomach" and the taking emptied the stomach, that was not acceptable. Then I called around until my doctor (who I've never met) told her nurse to tell me to stop taking the hydrocodone (duh! yeah, I maybe could have thought of that on my own if I hadn't already been totally out of it!), and to resort instead to my BFF ibuprofen. LOTS of it.

So I alternated ibuprofen and Tylenol, as even prescription-strength ibuprofen didn't kill the pain long enough for me to make it from one dose to the next without being in considerable pain. And this worried me, because the PA at the ER had told me that the antibiotic would take 24-48 hours to kick in, and I assumed that that meant that I would then be able to reduce my pain meds. But no. Whether the amoxicillin kicked in or not, I was taking full doses of pain medication all through Friday. (I'm going to the doctor this afternoon to make sure that the healing is proceeding as it should.)

Side note: After walking around for a couple of days cupping my hand over my left ear (the pressure helped alleviate the pain a little), I laughed outloud when I realized where I had seen people doing that before--on trains in Romania! There is this old superstition in Romania about "curent" - a draft or blast of air, or a cross-breeze. The idea is that you don't want a breeze to blow "through" your head--that is not good for you. So, for example, you can have the two right side windows of a cab open at the same time, but not both front windows - the cross-breeze is bad for you. So we'd be riding on trains in the middle of the summer, and when we'd open the window to the train AND the door to the compartment, any old Romanians around would cover their ears, and often their whole heads!, to avoid the badness that would come with the "curent." Apparently they didn't hold with our feeling that surely any "badness" would be more manageable than the discomfort of suffocating heat and still (and usually smelly) air. We now return to the regularly scheduled program.

And as fascinating as you find your field of study, throbing pain in your ear is a LEEEETTLE distracting. I was fine until I'd try to sit in one place to read (oh wait, that's all grad students DO!), and then all I would think was, "language learning...PAIN...Contrastive analysis hypothesis...can I take more medication yet?...midterm next week on this stuff!...PAIN."

Yeah, it was pretty rockin' awesome.

So when I woke up in a GREAT mood on Saturday morning, it took me about 15 seconds to figure out that the reason I was so cheerful was because my first thought was not "PAIN." What a glorious feeling that was!

And so gentle readers, I have now been drug free for two and a half days, and while I am not pain free, I am so eager to be drug free that I'll put up with the minor pain that kicks in now and then.

And this is already really long, but I have two final thoughts.

First, I really need to not get sick for the next, oh, 5 years. I was comatose for one day, and not good enough to be up to studying and attending class the next day, and I am AMAZED how far behind I got!

Second, I have no idea how an eardrum can be only "partially ruptured." I feel like that's a binary (that word's for you, Jer) condition--an eardrum is either "ruptured" or "not ruptured." Whatever. It hurt A LOT.

Eeep!

Today I got my first paycheck as a grad student TA.

This I do not love about being a student.

First my curling iron, now my parents?!

Yup, they're going in January.

[sighs deeply]

The clothes make the (wo)man

So one thing that I like about being a grad student again is that I get to return to my preferred manner of dress - jeans and hoodies.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Granted, I have a much nicer wardrobe now than I did a year ago, when I started the job that required me to wear "business casual" 5 days a week. And I have discovered that I actually like some of those clothes, and I have been realizing that if I want my professors and fellow students to take me seriously as a scholar, I shouldn't dress like a shlump, but still - put me in a hoodie and I'm a happy girl.

And I was thinking about this last Friday, when I spent all day doing homework and didn't move from my seat for 8 hours. See, I don't have class on Fridays, so I feel even freer on those days to dress in my preferred mode. And I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I hobbled to the bathroom around 8:30pm (yeah, I was a little stiff from 8 hrs of sitting still - I'm getting old, what can I say?!), and had to laugh when I realized what I was wearing:

• the flipflops that I bought in the European country that I visited in 1992, 2001, 2006, and 2007, and plan to visit multiple times in the future
  
• a t-shirt from my alma mater
• a hoodie from the large U.S. city I lived near for the last year
• a baseball cap from the concert I had attended the previous night (which I really need to blog about because it was A.W.E.S.O.M.E.)

So, um, would you like to know about my life? Ask me about my clothes - apparently they define me. :)

Note to self:

Check for a posted chart of "scoop size" before ordering your ice cream.

I just ordered a "double" and then had to eat all NINE OUNCES of ice cream.

Don't get me wrong, I like ice cream, and it was GOOD ice cream, but still...9 oz...

ugh

This is not the actual news update that I know you are all waiting for.

But I just wanted to express this, right now while I am feeling it, even though I feel it pretty often these days.

I am kind of intensely happy in my life right now. I'm really grateful that I feel that way, but it's kind of crazy, and really cool. It usually takes me a few months to adjust to a new situation and really like it, whether that be a new apartment or a new ward or a new state or whatever, but I am already feeling adjusted here and really enjoying my life, and that is a really fantastic feeling. I don't have a lot of time to post right now, so I may have to come back to this idea later to better communicate what I mean and to develop this idea, but almost every day I have a moment, like I did just now, of realizing how much I LOVE what I get to do right now.

I am in a PhD program that is really my field, and I am LOVING my coursework. (Weird!) Even the really long day spent all in one place the other day didn't drive me crazy because the work I was doing all day was so interesting to me! For my student job I get to work on the project that initially got me interested in this university, and within that job I get to do several different types of tasks, most ;) of which are really interesting to me, and that, again, are really in my field.

I am living alone for the first time ever, and I am loving it. I am really happy in my apartment, and I am actually cooking pretty much every day (shall I pause while you pick yourselves up off the floor?), and I bring my leftovers to school for lunch like a good little poor grad student. I clean my apartment, and I make my bed every day, and I have two bookshelves and a desk, for which I paid a grand total of $0.99. (And that was for pegs to hold up the shelves of the bookshelf that I found next to the dumpster at my apartment complex.) I bought my flatware at the dollar store, and don't own a frying pan yet, but there's lots that you can do with a saucepan with a flat bottom. ;)

I like my town, and I read on the bus, so my 30-minute commute to and from campus doesn't drive me nuts.

So it's not a glamorous life :) , and maybe I'm just in a "honeymoon period" and this feeling will wear off as I get used to things and get into the rigor of my program, but I really hope it doesn't wear off, and I feel so calm and normal about everything that I really don't think it will. Quite honestly, it thrills me, and startles me a little bit, how happy and content and at home I feel in this crazy new life of mine.

Just thought I'd share. Here's hoping that sharing doesn't jinx the feeling and make it go away! :)

If you are going to spend all day doing homework and having group meetings in one campus lounge, and literally not move from your seat from 1-8pm...

...it might as well be in a room in which one wall is windows and there is a big lake on the other side of the windows.

Wow. That came out WAY not as cool as I meant it to sound, but I'm too brain-dead to try again, and too desperate to have something on my blog besides the one about the maybe-missing-pictures to wait and try again later when I'm not so brain-dead.

And I did not lose the pictures. And, wow, that's really old news. Sorry to leave you hanging on that for an ENTIRE MONTH. You probably thought I lost them and was so sad that I moved halfway across the country and started a PhD program to try to get over it.

Well, I didn't lose them. But the rest is true.

Holding my breath...

I just had THE. MOST. PERFECT. vacation weekend with some extended family, including two ADORABLE children who now love me, and just now at some point in the process of getting the pictures from the weekend off my camera and onto my computer the camera battery died and the photos had NOT yet appeared on my computer and I am hoping hoping hoping that they didn't just vanish in the process but I won't know until the battery is charged since I can't check on the camera to see if they are still there without a battery and if I lost them all I may just have to resort to drastic action.

Like weeping.

Seriously.

On reading. Sort of.

So is it cheating that I just read the synopses for ALL the Twilight books on Wikipedia? There's been so much hype about the fourth book coming out, but I have no real desire to actually read the books - I heard them described as "sensuous vampire" books, and that, uh, didn't really, como se dise?, strike my fancy. And now I know how it all ends, so you won't change my mind. :P

But it does make me think about reading in general. (And yes, I'm a little embarrassed that it's the Twilight books that finally prompted me to write all this out.) Unless it's 1am and it's a book that I haven't read before and I'm halfway through and just want to find out how it ends, dang it!, I typically don't read books just to know the ending. I have a cousin who reads the ending FIRST - that way she knows if it'll be worth it to read the book. I've never really understood that, and I don't even agree that you could tell if it would be worth it to read the book just by reading the ending. You would be totally missing the significance of the events! Ok, sure, there have been times during movies when I've been nervous or scared and if I'm with someone who's seen it before I'll say, "just tell me - does so-and-so die??" And sometimes they tell me and sometimes they don't, but typically I want to see the story develop. (P.S. And I'm reading a book about D-Day right now, and yeah, I know how it ends. But don't get me going about the movie Titanic - everyone knew how that was going to end, too, but TOTALLY different league here, people - this D-Day book is LITERATURE.) Books that I read again and again, and there is a list, are typically books that are satisfying because of the development of the characters - the realizations the characters come to - typically the recognition of their own worth / talents / heritage. I like books in which a character realizes that, even without any major personality changes, s/he can do stuff. You know, like beat the bad guys, or solve the mystery, or whatever.

One time for Enrichment meeting a few years ago we each were supposed to bring something that symbolized "us" - who we were. I grabbed "The Blue Sword," by Robin McKinley. It's at the top of the list of books that I reread frequently, and there was a summer, a few years before this incident, during which I read it about twice every three weeks. Really. I would finish it, and then a few days later pick it up and start again. Apparently there wasn't much else going on in my life that summer. :) So I grabbed it, kind of just on my way out the door to Enrichment, thinking that if I had to I'd say something about how I love reading, blah blah blah.

But then I got to Enrichment and started thinking about it, and not being one who can let the chance the deliver a good line pass me by, I decided to say a little more about why I like this particular book, and thus I put into words for the first time what has since become my philosophy on life (or not, but I still really like this summary of the book and of every teenage girl's psyche) (ok, fine, and my psyche, too):

Who wouldn't want to find out that, not only do they really not belong in the world in which they feel like they don't belong, but there is a world in which they do belong, and not only do they belong there, but they get to get into really good shape, be a hero, have magical powers, and marry the king?!

Sounds pretty good to me.

(And I just right now added that bit about getting into really good shape. Huh. It is true to the book. Huh.)

I really do love it, though, when a character realizes that they already have what it takes to accomplish the whatever-it-is that they need to accomplish. I feel really strongly about the idea that the goodness and power and strength we need are already in us. And part of the strength is in recognizing our own strength.

And yes, I do think some of these thoughts are at the front of my mind right now because I am grappling with the idea that I, silly normal me, am starting a !!!PhD program!!! in a few weeks and have also just decided that I'm going to get !!!my own apartment!!! in my new town instead of signing on with roommates. These are both big steps for me, and it's a little disconcerting to be making them both, and both at the same time. So here's hoping that I find the magic sword and use its power for my good and discover that I really truly do have in me what it takes to make this a success.

A certain kind of misery

So I really like this idea of Camie's, so I'm copying it for a second.

I was talking to one of my coworkers yesterday about my imminent move to the land of perpetual ice and snow, which yes, Jer, turns out to be geographically identical to the state of having no money, and she's lived in a place with similar scads of snow, and said to me, in an attempt to prepare me for JUST HOW AWFUL that much snow is:

You've lived in NY and UT, but there's a certain kind of misery that comes...

Oh goodie, something to look forward to.

No, this is post is NOT the sum total of all my research on this topic.

So as part of my transition away from my job and back to my, ahem, natural state, which seems to be student life, you know, that period of time, which is temporary for most people, during which you have homework and no money, I have to get a new phone. Since November I've had a Treo, which, while it's really fun for that whole "I can check my work email from my bed" and "I can find the address of a restaurant from my car" thing, is kind of big and clunky and fake pretentious. ("Fake" pretentious instead of "real" pretentious because honestly, it's not that great.)

So - any recommendations? One of my former coworkers, who left the company a few months ago, got a pink flip phone when she left and had to turn in her Treo. She called it the "Anti-Treo," because it was as different from a Treo as anything she could find. :)

I'm thinking about the LG Chocolate - in baby blue. :) Mostly because I can get it from free with a 2-yr activation plan with Verizon, which is the service I currently have.

And since I'm heading back into that afore-mentioned state of having no money, a phone that costs free dollars sounds pretty good to me.

But I would love to hear your recommendations...or where I could go for good info (I've been to cnet.com). Or, you know, your rants on cell phones in general. :)

Take a listen.

OK, Jer, this is for you.

And for me. In 5-7 years.

And for Chris, in a few less than that.

Wordless Wednesday: Another reason I think San Diego is really cool

One Reason I Think San Diego is Really Cool - A (Very Short) Essay

One reason I think San Diego is really cool is because you might just get out of the car at the grocery store and see this:

The End.

So should I be honored...?

...that her biggest spit-up to date was when I was holding her?

Or should I just feel stupid that I was too lazy to get a burp cloth that time?

There's magic in the air...

...but only for a minute.

New life

I've had blogger's block for about a week now, which is not really that long, but the last time I remember feeling this way about blogging was right after President Hinckley died. I wanted so badly to write something profound, something meaningful, something significant, about his life, or what he meant to me, or how he impacted my life, and I couldn't get the words and thoughts to come together. I wanted to post this picture, my favorite picture of him, and to explain that it's my favorite, even though you can't even see his face, because what you can see is the love of the people for their beloved prophet, and their joy at being able to greet him. And because it's my dad's favorite picture of him for that same reason, and he sent it out to us after President Hinckley died, with some of his thoughts about him.

But I couldn't get the words to come together, and I didn't want to offer only a half-hearted post for something so important to me, even though I guess that's what I just did. :{

Well, my sister had her baby girl last weekend, and I'm feeling that same speechless kind of feeling! I am SO HAPPY that she's finally here, but I've been trying to figure out since she was born what I want to say to portray all that I feel about it, and I'm not sure I've figured it out yet...

I've seen pictures of her, and she is a CUTE little thing, with lots of hair, her momma's nose, and her daddy's toes. :) And I'm going to visit next week, for a week, and I'm really excited to BE there and to get to meet her and hold her and tell her I love her and see my sister and brother-in-law as parents!

And I've already had precious, precious conversations with My Sister The New Mom and My Brother-In-Law The New Dad about their baby, and about getting her here, and about what she means in each of our lives, and what we mean in hers. And she looks like both of them! I don't know why it surprises me, with each baby I see, when I see pieces of their mom and their dad in them, but it always does. It's humbling and beautiful to see how Heavenly Father took the physical characteristics of both parents, and mixed them, and came up with a new unique little person!

And my mom is there now, and I'm deep-down-to-my-core pleased and happy and satisfied that she gets to be there. She flew in about 6 hours after the baby was born, and I love LOVE LOVE that she is there - for my sister's sake, and for my niece's sake, and mostly for my mom's sake. Her kids, and consequently, their kids, are so important to her, and are the focus of so many of her actions and choices, and bring her so much joy, that it makes me profoundly happy to know that she is there and is so happy to be with her newest grandbaby.

And I was so THRILLED to hear that my niece was born that after I sobbed on the phone to My Sister The New Mom when she called to tell me the news I immediately stacked up and planned to return those 4 library books that I'd been renewing online again and again with the thought that I'd read the series again. It seems silly to me now, and it seemed a little silly to me then, that that was my big reaction to the news, but I needed to DO something right then - to have some kind of a fresh start, however small. It didn't seem worth it, with this new wonderful LIFE in the world, to let unnecessary and unimportant things clutter up my room or my life.

Happy Birthday, Baby Casey! I'm so glad you're here and part of our family!

Wordless Wednesday: Why would someone leave an entire case of Samoas out for public consumption in the kitchen at work??

When life gives you lemons, don't rub them on that paper cut you gave yourself yesterday.

So I'm in a really sticky situation that has been going on for several weeks now and that I admit is at least partially of my own making. I don't really want to post any details here.

And it hurts. I'm struggling with how to act and how to feel, and it IS a struggle. I am trying to stand up for myself (which I'm not very good at), but also not be a total jerk to the other people involved, and I'm not sure that I'm doing a very good job at either.

AND I'm trying to have faith that this will work out, and I'm trying to be ok with the fact that I don't get to define what that means, but that Heavenly Father does, and that that is better than me defining it.

Really, it's better. Really.

Argh.

Pray for me, please?